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Theo announces spring tour dates for the Return of the Rat tour: Toledo, Pittsburgh, Eugene, Kennewick, Seattle, Victoria (Canada), Belton, San Antonio, Durant, Amarillo, Oxford, Tuscaloosa, Tallahassee, and Rosemont. Tickets are through theovon.com; avoid secondary sites to dodge higher prices. New merch returns: The Hitter Hunting Club collection and the Hitter Bait and Tackle tees at theovonstore.com. The episode is taped live in Austin, Texas at Media Pouch. Theo chats with Matt McCusker, who is performing in New York City this week and is one half of the Superhero Squad on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast; Matt just marked five years of marriage. The conversation flows through a string of topics and riffs. They riff about steam rooms and gym culture, reminiscing about Radio Shack and Best Buy, and commenting on how customer service declined after COVID. They acknowledge frontline workers and nurses, and joke about DoorDash as heroes. They brainstorm hybrid businesses, suggesting steam rooms with barber shops, or shoe stores with barber services, even dog grooming, or mixing jiujitsu with other services. They fantasize about superpowers, joking about knowing every form of jiujitsu and about using unconventional self‑defense in public. The discussion veers into bathroom humor, travel, and practical tips. They joke about knowing whether a bathroom is fresh, discuss plane etiquette, and talk about handling bathroom breaks on a flight, including fair warnings to neighbors and trashing stigma around passing gas on planes. They compare bowel habits and frequency, and joke about hemorrhoids, long sits, and doosey moments. In the middle of the humor, the program plugs sponsors. Liquid I.V. offers hydration with 20% off the first order at liquidiv.com using code Theo; ShipStation helps scale e-commerce with a free 60‑day trial at shipstation.com using code Theo; Blue Chew promotes a chewable alternative with code Theo for a free first month. The merch and e‑commerce themes continue with a nod to Shopify, Shop Pay, and a notional $1 per month trial at shopify.com/theo. They pivot to politics and philosophy. They reference Ken Wilber’s holarchies and discuss the Green Wave versus the Orange Wave, noting shifts among conservatives toward inclusivity. They mention RFK, Joe Rogan’s influence on Trump exposure, and Dana White’s role in arranging the Trump interview. They remark on Call Her Daddy’s immense clips and the online dynamic of liberal versus conservative discourse, media, and campaigns. On the personal side, they talk marriage, parenting, and secrets learned from relationships. They discuss fighting fair, the value of couples therapy, and how to introduce tough topics without derailing conversations in front of kids. They recount early career misadventures with weed, paranoia, and the dangers of illegal schemes. Matt shares touring plans: New York City for the New York Comedy Festival at Town Hall, then Capital One Hall, with more dates through spring; all are listed on mattmccusker.com. They describe continuing podcast evolution, testing headset mics and podium formats for energy and flow, and they tease possible future guests. They close with appreciation for each other, look ahead to more episodes, and trade invites to return. The vibe stays light, funny, with honest talk about life, marriage, children, career, and the occasional trove of absurd stories.

Theo Von riffs through a rapid weekend stream, leaping from a leap year rent joke to memories, curiosities, and jokes. He notes it is leap year and jokes about rent being short by the galaxy, then moves to a caller about a bizarre body delicacy where people snack on others’ butts, asking whether it’s a dark art or nature. He shifts to a recap of the Griffin vs. Perry fight, calling it a real mail fiasco, and then riffs on two twins who hated each other, a Last Man Standing vibe, and a Spy vs. Spy image that echoes their antics. He mentions the San Fernando Valley Fair, the world’s smallest horse Tom Thumb, donkeys, and a general sense of oddities from the weekend, plus memories of back waxing and scoliosis tests in school that produced a mix of physical sensation and embarrassment. He explores puberty, explaining how the body changes, sombrero-clad hats his mom sold, and how fashion shifts with age, including adolescence, deodorant, and becoming aware of sexuality. He wanders through schoolyard memories, gas stations, time-saver magazines, and cheap rides, clarifying the odd textures of growing up amid poverty. The monologue pivots to quitting smoking, the difficulty of enjoying cigarettes, and a brief reflection on old-time scenes of people smoking in old drawings. He notes performing at Indio and meeting fans, plugs Greylock Pizza and Bronx-Born Pizza, and lists upcoming dates in Calgary, Chicago, New Orleans, Tacoma, Spokane, Oxnard, Bananas in New Jersey, and Tampa. He also shares thoughts on the Florida tragedy, suggesting letting affected families vote on laws, and revisits parenting discipline, recalling his father’s belt and a broader culture around boundary-setting. He throws to calls about eating ass, marriage benefits, divorce, herpes, and sex-drive issues, emphasizing communication and practical suggestions, and closes with gratitude and a wrap-up, inviting listeners to call the hotline.

The episode weaves personal stories, riffs, and audience calls around a string of loosely connected obsessions. Theo opens with a music submission from Jamison Flood, describing Every Night in playful, hyperbolic terms, then shifts to a stream-of-consciousness monologue about reality and imagination, video-game bravado, and a desire for fireballs to settle scores. He shares a weekend arc: buying a heavy wooden Blake Avenue bed to replace an ill-fitting old wrought-iron one, recounting chaotic living arrangements, including sleeping under a friend's bed years earlier and enduring whooping cough. He recalls volunteering ambitions at the Special Olympics, misreads the event as Friday rather than Saturday, shows up at a Long Beach high school soaked and furious, and ends up parking by the water to cool off. He bounces from anecdotes about a skeleton course at Utah’s Olympic facilities to casual encounters with a beekeeper, a film about bees, and rude, surreal tangents about beekeeping and marijuana smoke. The monologue pivots to reflections on ego, American welfare, and Hollywood’s politics, admitting frustration with getting opportunities in a world of accent and stereotype while recognizing the broader entertainment landscape has room for improvement. He recalls a convoluted family memory about a great-uncle allegedly trying to hook up with his girlfriend, a misunderstanding that becomes a cautionary tale about memory and identity. He ties this into a broader meditation on ego, self-worth, and sobriety, noting the Tonight Show audition setback and asking for support via the show’s hotline. Interspersed are calls including: a detailed explanation of how a government shutdown affects pay for service members and teachers; advice to Jose Ochoa about finishing college for a backup and networking value; a Boston fan’s tribute to sports as a family thread; questions about Latin heritage and learning Spanish; and Andrea’s inquiry about marriage, kids, and fears of commitment. The episode closes with promo plugs and a reminder to subscribe and call the hotline.