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Where's the third assassin? Show yourself. Third time's the charm, right? Not me, FBI. It’s someone else. I believe in you.

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They caught the person who killed the UHC CEO. It's strange that the gunman didn't leave the US after such a professional hit. The tip-off came from a McDonald's worker. While I don't support violence, it would be amusing if he got beaten up and ended up with a huge hospital bill because he was out of network. That thought brings a smile to my face, even though I'm not advocating for it.

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With the support of the CIA, it's fortunate that you weren't accepted into the organization, as you had wanted to join. We should be grateful for that, considering the seriousness of the CIA.

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Come on, let's get started. I’m frustrated with the situation. Fool me once, shame on you. Now, let’s bring Kamala in here.

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They want us dead. That's what they want.

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We're not fighting or protesting. It takes time, not a miracle. Murder? Just kidding. They'll understand. That's the worst. Let me explain.

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I just found out about this recent event. Someone attempted to shoot, but missed by a hair. The shooter was likely a white man. We were so close to solving half of the issue.

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They've arrested the hot assassin named Luigi, a 26-year-old Ivy League graduate with degrees in computer science from Penn. It's surprising he got caught at McDonald's, and I can't blame the employee for turning him in, especially with the reward raised to $60,000. I never understood why some women write to inmates, but I can see the appeal now.

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Where's the third assassin? Show yourself! Third time's the charm, babe. Not me, FBI. It has to be someone else. I believe in you!

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Hey, yo. Stop scrolling for one second for me. Give me just one second. Look, we were not there to figure out who killed Kennedy. We were not there to figure out who killed King, but we did figure out one thing. That this dude right here look. This guy right here running, you see him running? That is the guy that took out Kurt. That's the guy. That's him right there. If speech is violence, then some are bound to conclude that violence is justified to stop speech, and we're not gonna let that be justified.

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This guy, who I used to call 1% Joe, ran multiple times and only got 1% of the votes. Now he's shot, with half of his head left, and he somehow ends up getting the nomination.

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Okay, so the richest guy in the world is on our team. I know that's a tough pill to swallow if you are competitive, but it's true. I tried to find someone smarter than him, believe me, I searched everywhere, but I couldn't do it. For the good of the country, we settled on the best person for the job. Thanks for having me.

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We are currently experiencing a hostile government takeover. I want to discuss this situation, but I am already running late for work. If you believe we need to stop this, remember that we had an opportunity to do so before, but some of you did not want that particular person in power.

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Finally, he's here. Thanks for nothing.

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Speaker 0: He delivered a speech at Riverside Church on 04/04/1967, a year to the date before he was assassinated. And that was a powerful anti war speech that he delivered. Speaker 1: What would you say was the significance of that particular speech? Speaker 0: The real significance was that it put him, his footprints heavily into the anti war movement for the first time. And he termed The United States the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today. And so he was rising as a severe principal critic of the government in that speech. Another negative significance is that he was attacked from all sides. He was called a traitor by mainstream media. Millions of dollars were withdrawn from his organization, Southern Christian Leadership Conference. So he lost a great deal by taking that position. All of that is significant. Speaker 1: What do think was the primary motivation behind the killing? Speaker 0: I think assassinations, political assassinations are a last resort, as a rule. But I think in terms of The United States from what I've observed and throughout its history, and there have been assassinations other than those in the sixties, remember, I think it's a last resort. I think if they can, if a person is troublesome to them and potentially can develop a following, I think they have to stop him. Now they can do that by rendering him unemployable, by having him set up in some kind of a scandal or sexual activity that destroys his credit or her credibility. They can buy him off by giving him a job or position. There are a variety of techniques by blacking them out in terms of the media. And so if they can't control any other way, and the person is that critical in terms of potentially mobilizing people, that's when political assassinations take place. Assassination is the last resort. Martin King was assassinated not only because he was bringing enormous thought to the whole Vietnam War effort opposing it and the corporate militarists of the society, the weapons providers, energy providers, all of that were going to lose huge fortunes of money if that war ended. So it was not only that but it was the fact that he was going to bring half a million people to Washington in the Poor People's March. And the military believed that they would see their mission as a failure because they would go to the congress, try to get them to change the the priorities for public funding from from the military, take some money from the military, and bring it into social services programs, and they wouldn't be successful. And that would that would radicalize the group to such a point where they might have a revolution on the streets of Washington with masses they couldn't control. They didn't have the troops. Westmoreland wanted 200,000 more in Vietnam. They didn't have those. They certainly didn't have the troops to put down that kind of revolution on the streets. So they had to kill King, make sure he didn't bring that kind of dynamic into Washington.

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I was relieved when I heard Trump was shot, but then disappointed to learn it was just in the ear. I don't feel bad about it. He disgusts me.

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I need to end this, but I like money and cocaine. You're not getting a single penny from us. Fuck. Okay. No more war. I'll see you soon. Thanks.

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Didn't think we'd push back? Newsflash: he's coming back. Time to ground that pow. Hey. Not it today. Not at all.

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If he did his job, I wouldn't need to do this. I received a malicious report. Look, they're all pointing. Someone's on the roof. There he is, laying down. We have dangerous people in our country causing trouble.

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Speaker 0: Isn't it just so refreshing to finally see an assassination pulled off successfully for once? I mean, talk about professionalism at the right time.

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We forgot to mention that whoever brings back assassinating presents needs to have good aim. Genies can be tricky like that.

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I'm not saying I would try to assassinate a presidential candidate, but if I did, I wouldn't miss. The person who tried to shoot Trump was killed on the spot. I think this moment will be remembered as when we were doomed. Despite the attempt, I respect the effort to make a change. But how did it go wrong?

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I just learned about this recent event. Someone attempted to shoot, but missed by a hair. The shooter was likely a white man. We were so close to solving half of the problem.

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You know what's interesting about assassination? Well, not only does it change those popularity polls in a big fucking hurry, but it's also interesting to notice who it is we assassinate. Do ever notice who it is? Stop to think of who it is we kill. It's always people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, Malcolm x, John Lennon. They all said, try to live together peacefully. Bam. Right in the fucking head. Apparently, we're not ready for that. Yeah. That's difficult behavior for us.

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Speaker 0: “You shoot me with that. I’m shooting you with mine. Your butt is built on bad people, bro. You're Hold on. Right here. Good. $9.45. 9. It’s only okay to And I got $3.80 in my bucket. Your side. Yeah. Yeah. It’s a big shame. It’s embarrassing. I almost bought my 40, but I’m an ex con.”
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