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If you oppose Elon Musk and Doge's federal audit, you're involved in money laundering. We deserve to know how our tax dollars are spent. The government's wasteful spending is outrageous; they spend money on ridiculous things, like studying Thanos' snap and animal surgeries. They also wasted billions in USAID. It's time for a federal audit—a 10% audit is needed because the government is constantly interfering in our lives. Finally, someone is holding them accountable. Tomorrow's Super Bowl will feature Elon Musk's $40 million ad campaign exposing government waste. This is fantastic news!

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If you're having trouble sleeping, try Bidentica, a sleep aid made from Joe Biden press conferences. It contains confusion and forgetfulness to calm overactive brains. Users have reported better sleep and even passing out from it. However, side effects may include lying, inability to secure borders, and hallucinations. Ask your doctor about Bidentica today. Translation: If you're struggling to sleep, consider Bidentica, a sleep aid made from Joe Biden press conferences. It helps calm overactive minds with confusion and forgetfulness. Users have experienced improved sleep and even passing out from it. However, side effects may include lying, inability to secure borders, and hallucinations. Consult your doctor about Bidentica.

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Okay, people, we need to address these budget abuses! Millions are being spent on bizarre programs like body positivity for captive Haitians, glitter bombs for Saudi Imams, and chocolate fondue for East Ukrainian Hebrews. And don't even get me started on the McFlurries for Pakistani furries, which are getting cut. We're also cutting funds for Kool-Aid water fountains for North Korean accountants, abortion on demand for pandas in Japan, and Smarties for Iraqi slumber parties. Other cuts include destigmatizing marijuana in Uganda and sausage male dancers for Australians with COVID cancer. We are also trimming expenses for teaching zodiac to Iraq, high-speed trains in Ukraine, welfare for aboriginal feminists, and sex changes for polar bears. We are reducing spending on IUDs for Corgis, easy-bake ovens for Saudi covens, alternative fuels for Afghani polycules, and free handgun ammunition for USAID positions. Finally, check out Hollow, an app for guided prayers and meditations to grow closer to God.

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Are you crying over Elon Musk or the potential loss of funding for your transgender basket weaving club? You might have libtardism induced meltdown. Introducing Grow A Pair, the prescription solution to help you accept reality. Just one dose a day can help you understand that tax dollars shouldn't fund gender-neutral EV startups in Vietnam. You may experience life-changing improvements, like smaller man boobs and the ability to fund your own basket weaving. You might even find you don't care as much about the defunding of the US Department of Slope Studies. Grow A Pair won't solve everything, but it can help you stop worrying about who will pay for DEI pudding packs in Cambodia. Side effects include dry mouth, increased common sense, employment, smaller man boobs, and lower taxes. Ask your doctor if Grow A Pair is right for you!

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I used to trust the news blindly until I discovered a brain. A brain helps you think for yourself, question news sources, and resist celebrity advice. It can bring awareness, accountability, and a better understanding of various topics. Consider a brain if you want to stay grounded in reality. Visit tryabrain.com for more details.

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Wow, this appetite suppressant is incredible! I have absolutely no desire to eat... Wait, food? I can't see! Who would buy a pill that makes you blind? Don't worry, marketing will figure that out.

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I just need a few minutes. I’m looking for someone to sponsor my college expenses. We already have solar, and I’m not interested in that. I need $10,000 to pay off my student loans. I’ve worked hard for 20 years to get where I am. I saved for my home and my car. Why should I pay for your choices? An educated populace benefits society. I learned a lot in college, including how art and science are problematic. You spent $200,000 on gender studies? Yes, and that’s why people like you should support people like me. I worked hard, and my wife put herself through college without help. We’re not giving you $10,000 for your studies. By the way, sponsoring graduates is mandatory now, so I need that money. Give it to me!

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If you're having trouble sleeping, try Bidentica, a sleep aid made from Joe Biden press conferences. It contains a blend of confusion and forgetfulness. Users have reported better sleep after taking it. However, side effects may include rapid lying and an inability to secure borders. Ask your doctor about Bidentica today. Translation: If you are having difficulty sleeping, consider trying Bidentica, a sleep aid made from Joe Biden press conferences. It contains a mixture of confusion and forgetfulness. Users have reported improved sleep after using it. However, side effects may include rapid lying and an inability to secure borders. Consult your doctor about Bidentica.

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I'm a man. I'm man enough to cry during "The Notebook" and sing show tunes in the shower, even the girl parts. I'm man enough to sit down to pee and write Twilight fan fiction. I can hug another guy without it being weird and compliment a dude at the gym, even giving him a little kiss on the head. I'm man enough to vote for Kamala Harris. Are you man enough?

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I've been watching Democrats on TV constantly yelling "Elon Musk" over and over. Honestly, I'm enjoying it. What I find amusing is that they're angry at the person who exposed the fraud, but not at those who misused taxpayer money. Since Congress obviously can't cut a budget, I want to thank Elon for stepping up and doing our job.

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I used to be an angry man online, but now I'm a proud trans lesbian thanks to Transition. It lets you live your fetish openly, excel in women's sports, and disrespect women without consequences. Transition disrupts your hormones and critical thinking. Side effects may include anime porn addiction, receding hairline, bad fashion, excessive masturbation, and lack of self-awareness. Not available in Florida or Texas.

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Okay, team, we need to address some serious budget overspending. I'm talking millions on bizarre projects like body positivity initiatives for captive Haitians, glitter bombs for Saudi Imams, and chocolate fondue for Ukrainian Hebrews. And it doesn't stop there: McFlurries for Pakistani furries? Kool-Aid fountains for North Korean accountants? Abortion on demand for Japanese pandas? Some of these programs are getting cut, including those Iraqi slumber parties and destigmatizing marijuana in Uganda. Sausage male dancers for Australians with COVID, gender-fluid Iraq zodiac lessons, high-speed trains for Ukrainian hermaphrodites, and sex changes for polar bears. Even Saudi Arabian easy bake ovens are in question. And lastly, we're cutting free handgun ammunition for all USAID positions. Now, a word from our sponsor, Hollow, the prayer app.

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Are you or your loved ones suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS)? Do you dismiss issues like inflation, immigration, corruption, war, and disease? Do you support a candidate offering no vision simply because it's "anyone but Trump?" If so, you might have TDS. Introducing Independence, which allows for constructive critical thinking instead of believing mainstream media. One user says they used to believe claims that Trump threatened democracy, but now realize the media is run by a corrupt Democrat oligarchy that censors speech, silences opponents, supports wars, and abandons democracy. Independence may not be for everyone. If you enjoy being lied to, support totalitarianism, or like communist fiscal policy, it may not be right for you. Side effects may include rational thought, identifying propaganda, freedom of choice, loss of hatred, anti-narcissistic behavior, and love of democracy. Another user says they used to blindly hate whoever their party opposed, but with Independence, they care about policies that uphold democracy and the health of the country. Ask your doctor if Independence is right for you.

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Burning Teslas doesn't make you a protester or member of the resistance, just an "asshole." A year ago, liberals wanted everyone to drive electric vehicles; now dealerships are being burned. Elon Musk is a "national hero" for saving astronauts, even if they might want to return to space after being on Twitter. The United States government is $36 trillion in debt, despite taking in more tax revenue than any other government in history. If you think Elon Musk is the problem for wanting to control spending, you're useless.

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I used to trust the news until I discovered a brain for common sense. A brain helps with stupidity, questioning news sources, and thinking independently. Side effects may include accountability and a better understanding of economics. Choose a brain for reality. Visit tryabrain.com for more information. Translation: I used to trust the news until I discovered a brain for common sense. A brain helps with stupidity, questioning news sources, and thinking independently. Side effects may include accountability and a better understanding of economics. Choose a brain for reality. Visit tryabrain.com for more information.

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I’d like to get a tattoo, a cool Chinese symbol that means no one can tell me what to do. You need parental permission for a tattoo. But my parents will say no! It’s my body, my choice. You’re 14; you might regret it. Can I buy cigarettes? No, smoking is bad. How about beer or a vape pen? No. Can I rent a car? No. What about a video game? No, they cause violence. Can I get gender surgery? No problem, but what if your parents aren’t supportive? This is moving too fast. We have a special on abortions today. What about side effects? We don’t know. Can I get the pills without my mom's permission? Of course. I need to think about it. Hey, mister, have you ever played this game? It’s not as good as Mario Kart. You wouldn’t understand the pixel art.

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Feeling upset after the recent presidential election? At Don't Cry Cryo, we offer a solution. Our team can cryogenically freeze you until the Trump presidency ends, allowing you to escape anxiety and wake up to a party celebrating the end of his term. You can even opt for the Vance add-on, extending your sleep for another four years at a discount if JD Vance wins the next election. Rest assured, we’re here to support you. Just remember, don’t cry, cryo. Suddenly, an announcement interrupts: "This is your captain, Elon Musk. Welcome to Mars. Donald Trump Junior has been elected president and has deported all Don't Cry Cryo customers to Mars." What?

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Introducing "Admit You're Wrong," a graphene oxide capsule that targets JJD, or jib jab denial. This remedy aims to help those experiencing COVID vaccine remorse and urges to confess their mistakes. It claims to eliminate refusal and encourages facing the truth. However, it's not suitable for everyone, and common side effects include remorse, insomnia, common sense, critical thinking, explosive diarrhea, and a desire to apologize. It's not recommended for those who have received the vaccine multiple times. For more information, call 1800 fuck big pharma.

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Tampon Tim introduces himself as “the people’s friend” and proclaims free tampons for all the men. He claims daycares are full of kids, “kinda,” and says the money goes to his dear friends from Somalia. He shouts “Fraud all day,” asserting billions are gone astray and there are “ghost kids” no one’s there. Welcome to Tampon Tim’s day care. He states, “Tampons in the boys’ room, that’s my plan,” while his friends cash checks across the land. He mentions feeding their future, ending with the fragment, “Feeding our future, what a.”

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I'm tired of feeling like a hostage in my own country. I support a man who does missionary work and speaks hope into people's lives. I'm tired of people silencing discussions on politics and religion. I'm criticized for wanting school choice, while others push for harmful things like pornography in schools or puberty blockers for kids. I believe the power these people have is illusory, and it's time for men to stand up against it. You're free to live your way, but don't impose it on me.

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I have a sad story. Last night, I stepped in shaving cream. I think I’ll break up with my girlfriend; she responds to my affection with insults. Our baby fell out of a window but landed safely in shaving cream. Now is the time to wear Trump gear, and the best designs are at the Alex Jones store. Support the second American revolution and free speech. We need funds to continue our broadcast. You’re part of the information war, helping us prepare for our mission. Check out the Alex Jones store for amazing designs, including shirts and hoodies. When you sign up for VIP, you get $40 to spend for just $30 a month. Everyone should be a VIP supporter to access great supplements and gear.

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USAID was offering free circumcisions globally but charging US taxpayers excessively. I updated my X account with a joke about circumcision discounts, now at 50%. It's about competing for business. It's a crypto joke. My humor is underappreciated. I wish the last could have pushed circumcision at a 50% discount.

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A consultant is interviewed by the Democratic party to help them appeal to men. The consultant suggests Democrats should swear more, transition more young women into young men, oppose the deportation of gang members, fight for Harvard's right to be antisemitic, and use the word "oligarch" more often. Another interviewee suggests the party needs more common sense, stating that men can't be women, criminals aren't victims, and what you see isn't fake. They suggest getting "real men" in the party. The first consultant is hired, requesting a budget of $5,600,000,000,000 to buy every voting-age male a pickup truck. Another interviewee is hired for ranting about Trump all day. A commercial for Liberal Repellent supplements plays.

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Feeling upset after the presidential election? Don't Cry Cryo is here to help. Our team offers cryogenic freezing to let you sleep through the Trump presidency, ensuring you wake up to a party celebrating the end of it all. You can even opt for the Vance add-on to extend your slumber for four more years at a discount if JD Vance wins the next election. We're dedicated to caring for you during this tough time. Just remember, don't cry, cryo. Suddenly, the scene shifts as Elon Musk announces that all Don't Cry Cryo customers have been deported to Mars after Donald Trump Jr. was elected president.

Modern Wisdom

The Female Orgasm, CrossFit & Vasectomies - Zack Telander | Modern Wisdom Podcast 384

Guests: Zack Telander

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The discussion begins with the challenges men face regarding erections, drawing an analogy to women's struggles with orgasms. Chris Rabb, a Philadelphia state representative, proposed a satirical bill requiring men to get vasectomies by age 40, aiming to highlight the double standards in reproductive rights legislation. While the bill is not intended to pass, it seeks to provoke conversation about men's responsibilities in reproductive health. The hosts debate the effectiveness of satire in sparking dialogue and express skepticism about the bill's purpose. The conversation shifts to Jon Jones, a troubled UFC fighter recently involved in domestic abuse allegations. The hosts reflect on Jones's repeated offenses and question the possibility of redemption for someone with such a history. They discuss the nature of good and bad actions, the potential for change, and the societal expectations surrounding redemption. The topic then transitions to the controversy over New Zealand's men's football team name, "All Whites," and the implications of racial connotations in sports. The hosts explore the complexities of inclusivity and the potential need for name changes in sports teams. Lastly, they touch on the impact of social media, particularly Facebook, following a whistleblower's revelations about the platform's harmful effects on mental health, especially among young girls. The hosts emphasize the importance of accountability in social media and the need for transparency regarding its influence on society.