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Thank you! It feels a bit strange to be back here hosting, especially since I used to do the weekend update. A year and a half ago, I had a disagreement with NBC and was fired for not being funny. Normally, that would lead to a lawsuit, but since it’s a comedy show, they had the upper hand. Now, just a year and a half later, they’ve invited me back to host. I wondered how I went from being deemed not funny to hosting. It hit me that I haven’t gotten funnier; the show has just gotten worse. So, to recap: I'm still not funny, but the show is even worse. We have a bad show for you tonight with Doctor Dre, Snoop Dogg, and Eminem.

Beyonce hosts a Juneteenth party at the White House with her uncle Chester. Steve Urkel crashes to give the president "racial street cred." Robert De Niro awkwardly dances with Kamala Harris. The party is bizarre, questioning the leadership of the country. Joe Biden avoids any mishaps.

Thanks to Gorilla, the cast, crew, and Lorne Michaels for 50 years of comedy. Comedy is a lifelong passion. Thank you all, and be safe.

Americans, happy pride month! There has been a shocking discovery of cocaine near the oval office, raising questions about how it got into the White House and who brought it in. It seems that Trump doesn't believe in honesty and decency. On a lighter note, Merry Christmas! How are you? Everything good? Are you doing well in school? We are now saying merry Christmas.

Good morning, everyone. Today marks the inauguration of Donald John Trump as the 47th president of the United States. Behind me is Marine 1, taking Joe Biden away for the last time. The American people have endured four years of challenges, including border issues, the Afghanistan withdrawal, and lockdowns due to a virus that originated in a lab in China. The Biden administration has also misused the Department of Justice against Trump and his supporters following the 2020 election. Today, we are ready to secure our borders, revive the economy, and make America great again. Thank you for your support, and God bless America.

Bobby, it's your favorite president here. I forgive you for being a loser about the election results. It's not your fault you have a low IQ. Believe me, I won, and Kamala lost big time. You were wrong. You're a total loser, and your show sucks. You're going to get low ratings. It's a disgrace to go from raging gold to raging nobody. It's a horror. Kamala's probably getting drunk somewhere, the f***ing virgin. Can you believe this guy calling your favorite president a virgin? Look at that crowd; it's a disgrace. But don't worry, we already won big. Come here, paparazzi! I love this guy. Do you want to do a little dance?

Welcome to The Tonight Show! Today, Donald Trump was sworn in as the 47th president of the United States, with the ceremony moved indoors due to freezing temperatures. The inauguration parade was canceled, leaving Eric Trump disappointed about SpongeBob's absence. Trump was sworn in on two Bibles—one from Abraham Lincoln and another that looked like a Cheesecake Factory menu. During his address, he announced ambitious goals, including planting a flag on Mars. The Bidens and Trumps posed for a photo together, showcasing a range of emotions. Melania's outfit drew attention, and Trump humorously hoped it was cake. Biden left a letter for Trump in the Oval Office, humorously including $5. After the ceremony, Biden departed Washington, marking the end of his term as the oldest president.

According to Speaker 0, the former president is less criminal than the current president, who had pending cases when sworn in and has 34 felony convictions. Speaker 0 hasn't seen anyone with a record like the current president's. Speaker 1 thanks Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett for her support for democracy and the integrity she brings. Speaker 1 played a clip of Crockett's first appearance on the show three years prior and stated this was the second to last episode of the show. Both speakers expressed gratitude and mutual appreciation.

On Tuesday, Americans elected Donald Trump as president again, surprising many. This is the same Trump who sought vengeance against his opponents. With the Supreme Court's support, there are no protections for those who oppose him. At SNL, we proudly declare our unwavering support for Trump, seeing ourselves in him and wanting future generations to look up to him. We jokingly mention our votes and even introduce a new impression, Hot Jack Trump, celebrating his potential presidency. We express excitement for Trump 2.0 and humorously reflect on the past, wishing for another January 6th. We also mention Elon Musk as a backup plan if things go wrong. Finally, we encourage young men who supported Trump and Musk, reminding them to rise and embrace their potential.

Please welcome the 45th, 46th, and 47th presidents of the United States, Donald J. Trump, to New York for Christmas.

On Tuesday, Americans elected Donald Trump as president again, surprising many. Despite his controversial past, including attempts to overturn the previous election, he received overwhelming support. The cast of SNL humorously expressed their unwavering support for Trump, claiming they see themselves in him and want future generations to admire him. They joked about their loyalty and even introduced a new impression, "Hot Jacked Trump." The skit concluded with excitement for Trump's presidency, referencing potential chaos while humorously suggesting a trip to Mars with Elon Musk. They encouraged young men to rise up and embrace their potential.

Good evening, everyone. Welcome to Weekend Update. It’s our final show of 2024, a year that saw Diddy jailed, Trump reelected, and Musk as co-president. Luigi Mangione has dropped his extradition fight and is now in the same federal prison as Diddy. Meanwhile, the House Ethics Committee is releasing a report on Matt Gates, who quipped about his young girlfriend. George Santos has launched a podcast called Pants on Fire, with a unique sign-up method. Trump has transferred his media shares to a trust controlled by Donald Trump Jr. and gave Eric something bubble-wrapped. The first severe human case of bird flu in the U.S. has been confirmed. Trump has appointed Herschel Walker as ambassador to the Bahamas, who humorously corrected the title to "I is ambassador." Disney plans to release a Bluey movie in 2027, where Bluey meets Cruella De Vil.

On Tuesday, Donald Trump was elected president again, surprising many. This is the same Trump who attempted to overturn the last election and called for vengeance against his opponents. With no protections in place, those who oppose him are at risk. SNL expresses unwavering support for Trump, claiming they see themselves in him and admire his controversial honesty. They humorously declare their loyalty, joking about voting for him multiple times and introducing a new impression, "Hot Jacked Trump." The cast expresses excitement for Trump's presidency, with lighthearted remarks about the future and a nod to Elon Musk. They encourage young men to rise up and embrace their potential, closing with a rallying call for support.

Thank you, everyone. I was hesitant to join Saturday Night Live after the election but eventually agreed. Shortly after, devastating fires hit LA, affecting many friends and communities. While some speculate about the causes, it’s clear that multiple factors contributed to the disaster. I reflected on the challenges of fame and the misconceptions surrounding immigrant communities in Ohio, where I supported local Haitian restaurants. As I navigate the complexities of celebrity life, I can't help but notice the absurdities around me, including the troubles of friends like Puffy. With Donald Trump returning as president, I urge him to remember the weight of his responsibilities. Regardless of opinions, empathy for all, especially for those displaced, is crucial. Thank you, and good night.

Bobby, it's your favorite president here. I forgive you for being a loser about the election; it's not your fault you have a low IQ. Believe me, I won, Kamala lost big time. You're wrong, and you're a total loser. Your show sucks and will get low ratings. You've gone from raging bull to nobody, a disgrace. It's a horror. Kamala's probably drunk somewhere. Can you believe that guy called me the president of Virgin? Look at that crowd. It's a disgrace, but we won big, okay? Come here, paparazzi! I love this guy. Want to do a little dance? Come here.

Speaker 0: How was your weekend? You probably watched football, picked pumpkins, spent time with your family. Trump spent his weekend demolishing the East Wing to make room for a big beautiful ballroom. Vance hung out with the marines at Camp Pendleton. Speaker 1: Who rah, marines? Who rah. I didn't hear you. Who rah, marines? Who rah. Speaker 0: Look up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's the Secretary of War. Pete spent the weekend doing flyovers and fighter jets. Oh, it was also No Kings Day. Speaker 2: Here in the friendly neighborhood Burger King, enjoying my No Kings Day, with some traditional flame broiled goodness in my hand right now. Like it says right there, if you're heading to Eli Grody, you rule America. We don't have a king in this country. We've got a president. He's doing a pretty darn good job. Speaker 0: Now if you don't know what no kings day is, you're not alone. Maybe you went downtown and got stuck in traffic and wondered, is that a transgender shark? Speaker 3: Why are you here today? Speaker 4: I'm here to stand up against our regimes oppression against the American people and immigrants in our country and minorities, including trans people like myself. Speaker 5: I am the unity uniform. I've got my head out of my costume because I can't breathe right now, but we're here doing a peaceful protest, trying to get our democracy back. Speaker 0: Spartacus and Pencil Neck didn't dress up as trans sharks and unicorns. This is what they really look like. Speaker 1: This is what democracy looks like. This is what democracy looks like. This is what democracy looks like. This is what democracy looks like. Speaker 0: Are they dating? We don't know, but they were hugging and singing on a parade float. In Chicago, Ribs got his steps in. JB back at the Windy City doing the electric slide. You know who can't move her hips like that? Nancy. Poor thing. But she was still tearing it up. Speaker 5: Gonna tear up the crown. Speaker 0: Schumer marched too. Schumer and Pelosi, that king and queen have been ruling America for a combined eighty two years. Trump's only been king for a minute. No Kings was a who's who of people with TDS. Even my mom was there. George Conway was walking around in an Antifa shirt. Irish Rosie must have had FOMO, but don't worry, Hollywood was in the house. Here's John Cusack. Speaker 6: Go to hell. Speaker 3: Is that the message from Chicago? Speaker 6: Yes. What's interesting is that he he doesn't understand that all the labor rights around the world came from this town, this place. So if he thinks this place is gonna be a fascist hub, no chance. Speaker 0: Dougie Not So Fresh was there too, but that kinda looked more like the women's march. Doug was on the prowl. He was going stag. Where's Kamala? Speaker 7: So get out there and join the No Kings event near you, and please take care. I'll see you later. Speaker 0: Kamala couldn't make it. She had other plans, big birthday plans. It's always about her. You know who else was a no show? Hillary. Trump world says, no queens. As for a king, the White House told MSNBC this about the march. Who cares? Do the people even know what they're protesting? Speaker 3: I was wondering how president Trump has put your your freedom in jeopardy. Speaker 1: I wanted to say my freedom is in jeopardy. Speaker 3: So whose freedoms and why are you out here at the no kings protest, I guess? Speaker 0: No one really thinks Trump's king. It just seems like it because he works harder than Biden. Speaker 8: I'm not a king. I work my ass off to make our country great. That's all it is. I'm not a king at all. Speaker 0: If Trump was king, there'd be no march, no MSNBC calling him Nazi, and no shutdown. The funny thing is the left actually loves the government telling them what to do. During the pandemic, Democrat kings and queens told you to close your business, what to wear on your face, how far away you could stand next to someone. They told you couldn't have grandma over for Thanksgiving and liberals obeyed. They took away your first amendment rights and democrats said, good, free speech is dangerous. They tried to take away your second amendment right, democrats said, good, no one needs a rifle. There's nothing the left loves more than submitting to government power. But Robert De Niro says, if you love freedom, you're a brainwashed hick. Speaker 9: Somewhere way out in the Midwest, somewhere out in out West, in certain places, the rural places. That's the truth. Because he gets the airtime. I think that we need more airtime. Just more push against and not I wish that you can't do this in some ways, but that the the news media could find ways to kind of ignore or tamp down nonsense from Trump. Speaker 0: The Democrat party rigged the primary, stole Biden's votes, crowned Kamala, and tried to put their rival in prison. And if you were a reporter who told the truth about Biden, they'd cut off your access. Trump talks to the press every day. Would a king do that? And if the press broke a mirror in the map room, would he let him live? Speaker 8: Oh, you gotta watch that. Watch that. You you're not allowed to break that. That mirror is 400 years old. The camera just hit the mirror. I just moved it up here special from the vaults, and the first thing that happens, the camera hits it. Hard to believe, isn't it? Hard to believe. But these are the problems in life. Speaker 0: Seven years of bad luck. A king would have tossed him in the gulag. Aye, aye, aye. And look what happens when they keep calling us Nazis. Speaker 3: Who are you gonna kill? Nazis. Who who do you Nazis. Define as a Speaker 6: What do you mean? It's pretty Speaker 3: In this in this context, who's a Nazi? Stephen Miller's a Nazi. So you're gonna kill Stephen Miller? If I had Speaker 6: a chance, yeah, I was. Speaker 0: Once you crack the surface at No Kings, there's a dark and violent underbelly seething with hatred. Speaker 1: You gotta grab a gun. We gotta turn around the guns on this fascist system. These ICE agents gotta get shot and wiped out. This state, the state machinery, there's a folder display right there has to get wiped out. Speaker 0: One woman with a Mexican flag was mocking Charlie Kirk getting shot in the neck when a MAGA truck rolled by. Who is this woman? Well, she's a teacher at an elementary school. These are the people in charge of our kids. Isn't it crazy how every time we ID these maniacs they happen to be teachers or professors? What is it about the left and death? Speaker 6: Okay. So for for a birthday present, what do you hope happens? You you wake up tomorrow morning. Speaker 3: I hope that I see the obituary that we're all waiting for tomorrow. That's what I hope for. Yeah. Speaker 6: You you wishing that president Trump is dead? Speaker 3: Yes. Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. Speaker 0: Well, Trump was already shot in the head and almost killed during a round of golf. The Secret Service just found a sniper's nest in Palm Beach with a direct line of sight to Air Force One. Speaker 10: This hunting stand was appropriately dismantled, is being flown to our our lab. I believe it's there right now. And all of the forensic tools we have, from digital tools to biometric tools, They are all gonna be applied to try to find out who put this up there, and why. Speaker 0: In North Carolina, shots were fired over a Trump flag. A guy didn't like that a guy had a MAGA and flag over his house and then went and ripped it down. And then he came back in his vehicle, aimed the pistol from the sunroof and fired shots at his property. The vigilante's been arrested. Is this what we're doing now in America? We're shooting people over politics? Liberals have lost the argument, they've lost the election, and now they've lost their minds. Trump won the popular vote. That doesn't make him king, it makes him president. And he's taken a lot of action because Biden left such a mess. The president has a mandate to stop migrants, drugs, wars, and crime, and so far he's doing a really good job. And the Supreme Court says everything he's doing is legal. It was actually Biden that the Supreme Court ruled against over and over and over again. Just because there's a lot of gold in the White House doesn't mean he's sitting on a throne.

Welcome to MSNBC's inauguration weekend coverage. Tonight, I'm joined by our panel: Ari Melber, Joy Reid, Stephanie Rule, and Chris Hayes. We have a lot to discuss, including the LA wildfires, the TikTok ban, and the upcoming inauguration. Ari mentions the chaos surrounding Trump, while Stephanie questions his serious intentions about invading Canada and Greenland. Joy emphasizes the need to focus on Trump's actions rather than his statements. Breaking news reveals Trump making bizarre comments about Connecticut and wildfire victims. The discussion shifts to Trump's distractions from critical issues like disaster relief and climate change. Claire McCaskill joins to provide substance, but more breaking news about Trump’s antics continues to emerge, including his plans involving Don Junior and the Emerald City. Finally, we touch on Trump's tariffs and a strange declaration of war on sharks.

Thank you! It's great to be here. I just recovered from the flu, which got me thinking about who might have given it to me. I suspect it was a shoeless cowboy I sat next to on a flight. On a different note, ladies, you’re struggling in the political arena. Maybe it’s time to rethink your approach—find a balance between professionalism and charm. The election dragged on forever, and it’s hard to believe Trump didn’t win earlier. His resilience is impressive, especially after getting shot and still acting fearless. I recently woke up at 3 AM to Shaquille O'Neal selling printer ink, which was surreal. It’s surprising he’s still working despite his wealth. We have a great show ahead, so stick around!

Following Donald Trump's election, SNL cast members express their unwavering support for him. They claim to see themselves in him and admire him as a role model. One cast member admits to voting for Trump 50 times in Pennsylvania, while another identifies as one of the 8% of black women who voted for him. The cast then debuts a "Hot Jacked Trump" impression, vowing to portray Trump in a flattering light moving forward because he is their hero and will eventually be king. They express excitement for "Trump 2.0" and look forward to what he will do with the country. One cast member regrets missing out on another January 6th event. Referencing Elon Musk, they state that if the planet falls apart, they can go to Mars with him. "Doc Mega" then appears, stating that he runs the country now and America will be like one of his rockets, which could blow up and kill everyone. Finally, the cast encourages young men who helped elect Trump and Elon to feel empowered.

Thank you, everyone. I was hesitant to host Saturday Night Live after the election, but eventually agreed. Shortly after, wildfires devastated LA, affecting many friends and families. The fires were the most expensive natural disaster in U.S. history, and while some blamed arsonists, it was a combination of factors, including extreme winds. I also reflected on the challenges of fame, sharing a humorous take on celebrity culture and my support for the Haitian community in Ohio. As we navigate life, we should evolve and learn from our mistakes. With Donald Trump returning as president, I expressed hope for better leadership and empathy, especially for displaced individuals worldwide. Thank you, and good night.

Good evening, everyone. Welcome to Weekend Update. This week, America debated who will portray a suspect in a Netflix miniseries. After the arrest of Luigi Mangione, a note revealed his anger at corporate America, despite his visits to Starbucks and McDonald's. In New Jersey, tensions rose over mysterious drones after one crashed into a backyard. Donald Trump was named Time's person of the year, while Amazon plans to donate $1 million to his inauguration. Trump also joked about ending daylight savings time by challenging the sun. Matt Gaetz will host a new talk show, and a lawyer has petitioned to revoke the polio vaccine approval. Elon Musk donated $20 million to a group claiming Trump and Ruth Bader Ginsburg agreed on abortion. Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson made her Broadway debut, while Mitch McConnell suffered minor injuries after a fall during a lunch.

According to Speaker 0, the former president is less criminal than the current president, who had pending cases when sworn in and has 34 felony convictions. Speaker 0 hasn't seen anyone with a rap sheet like the current president's. Speaker 1 thanks Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett for her support for democracy and the integrity she brings. Speaker 1 played a clip of Crockett's first appearance on the show three years prior and states this is the second to last episode of the show. Both speakers express gratitude and mutual appreciation.

Hey, Maga. How bad does it hurt? The Jimmy Kimmel's back, but you guys can't get your person back.