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I'm having a tough time getting motivated today. Tough! You have ten seconds to get moving. Stop messing around and get to work, or else. It's not that easy. I have severe brain fog. I've had so much tea today, but it's not helping. Brain fog? I don't care about your brain fog. You think you're the only one who's ever felt that way? Stop drinking tea like it's your job. Now quit whining and get to work!

Their house looks good. I love podcasts. Oh, I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking. Gravity's Rainbow is my favorite book. I'm Charlie. I'm Ben. Would you ever watch where you're going? You charged into me like a rhino! It's November; shouldn't you be with the Halloween decorations? What are you listening to? A podcast on how to be less of a coward? You have something in your hair—oh, it's a rat. I thought I was unlucky in love. Hi, I had to draw you; I call it "getting hit by a garbage truck." Most lesbians are fans. You can say my music sucks. At least you know who I am. We're on SNL! You're like 6'7" with the confidence of a 52-year-old. We're way more brat than you—brat stands for being really awesome together. Good day!

You turned 30! How was the party? I wasn't invited. Actually, you were invited. Last time I was on the show, you mentioned not being invited, but I didn't know you wanted to come. Who wouldn't want to be invited to a party? I didn't realize you liked me. Of course I like you! You've been on the show many times. I did invite you, but you didn't come. This time you invited me? Are you sure? Yes, ask Jonathan, your producer. I wasn't invited either. Why didn't I go? I don't know.

I’m not staying here another day, Patty. I have a countdown on my phone. A countdown? You mean an app? Yeah, it shows I have 57 days left. That makes me sad. It makes me happy! I got mine right after the national championship. But you still have to go to class. I can’t do that. I’m commuting now. Do you know what this cat thing is about? I don’t have anything exciting to look forward to. The next Joker.

Bro, what's happening? Domestic violence is out of control. Let's all be kind to each other. What's happening?

Congratulations on your win! How are you feeling? I'm doing much better now. It’s hard to believe how things went down. I tried to help her, but she was terrible. Mary still holds a grudge against her; it’s unforgettable. We should definitely discuss this further. Let me know when you're free to set something up. I’m heading back to Florida for golf tomorrow. Did you notice she won’t even look at me? I heard from some of her team that she’s struggling again. It seems like she can’t handle the pressure. If you’re not cut out for it, it’s tough.

I appreciate you being here. I wanted to mention Tucker. We've had many conversations, and if I ever needed someone on the couch, he would be my last choice. He's truly the worst.

I got kicked out of my boyfriend's house. Really? You too? Did it help you? No, I'm fine. I don't know why you told me that. Don't leave me now; come on.

I'm trans, and I'm worried about the trans community. Some say my TikTok skits are why people don't take us seriously and blame us for issues in the economy and society. It feels heavy, but I accept it. It’s important to recognize how silly those comments sound. People need to relax—maybe drink some tea or take a bath. Internalized bigotry isn’t helping anyone. Despite the negativity, I still care about you and will support you if things get tough, even if you don’t return the favor. Thank you, and have a good day.

How are you doing? You can just leave. Jumping to name-calling already? That was the slowest sprint ever. Trump is 70; he doesn’t need to be chased. We need to chase out bad people. You probably couldn’t catch a tortoise. Trump reminds me of my family members with dementia. What about Biden? Biden reminds me of myself; he’s not demented. You think Biden can speak well? Yeah, he stutters but can form sentences. What about him falling on the stairs? I’ve fallen on stairs too. If I’m too drunk, I shouldn’t be president. I’m not running for president. Neither should Trump; he’s showing signs of dementia. What if he decides to nuke China? I don’t have the nuclear codes. That could lead to World War 3. No one on the Democrat side is threatening that; it’s Trump who does.

Speaker 0 greets Mega and asks, 'Hey, Mega. How bad does it hurt?' The speaker notes, 'The Jimmy Kimmel's back, but you guys can't get your person back.'

Jennifer had surgery to remove her keloid, and now she feels confident. There's a discussion about writing down complaints, which the speaker believes will make them true. They emphasize the importance of addressing these complaints seriously. A conversation shifts to personal experiences, with one person mentioning they haven't had any surgeries besides a spine injection. The speaker offers something to help with pain relief, but the other person declines, stating they don’t smoke. The exchange becomes playful, with jokes about "crack" and leaving it in the car, highlighting a light-hearted atmosphere despite the serious undertones of the conversation.

Taylor, it's done. Just wanted to check in. I know losing isn't your usual experience. You should've voted more like Patrick's wife. Britney, be quiet. Travis is secretly pleased, and so is his brother, though he's a bit upset. He smashed the phone. It's tough to have your temper exposed publicly.

I work at the National Security Council, giving senior policymakers all the secrets. I met someone on a dating app and spilled some tea about President Biden's cognitive issues; it's old age. I revealed phone call exchanges where Biden asked for NSC advisor Jake Sullivan, not realizing Sullivan was on the same foreign trip or had already left for the day. He didn't understand basic words in meetings. My team and I were crying the night of Trump's victory; we're trauma bonded. We were concerned about the incoming Trump administration coming after us. Biden and his team felt pushed aside by Kamala Harris during the presidential campaign. My greatest strength on my dating profile is oversharing on the first date.

I dislike awkward silences. Why do we talk about nonsense to feel comfortable? Everyone was relieved the person was okay. Russian tanks have white z's on them, good to know for videos. He knows more about Easter than Cadbury. Curious.

Let's dive into things our sons like that they shouldn't. My son loves TikTok, but I remind him he’s broke and ugly. Richard, what about your son? He prefers white friends and wants to do improv. My son wants to be vegan, but I tell him to eat chicken first. Richard jokes about his son self-diagnosing OCD. Now, Kevin, a guidance counselor, joins us. When a son slams a door, he suggests communication and compassion. Richard jokes about his son not having a door due to a pornography addiction. I quip about needing respect because I used to own the house. Kevin brings out his son, Connor, who says he’s lucky to be his son. Kevin insists they have a close relationship, and his wife supports it. Richard humorously questions their dynamic, and we wrap up with a light-hearted exchange.

I asked if Sally was working and had her come see me. She mentioned having cancer issues and got emotional. I admitted that I couldn't go through this without crying and promised to take care of whatever it would cost. I value you and that's who I know you to be.

Stop. You’re a dead man inside. I can't call you back. Go to hell. You’re going to swim in water, and you're dead. Take that off. Can you tell us what you said? What happened?

Pick it out, read it, and answer. Public place, you did it. Is this the best or the worst? The best. Probably the Obama thing. What is your wife talking about? We heard a lot in there. Who should get back in? We're not gonna discuss that. Secret Service, come here. Hi, look at y'all. We're not talking about it. That's an awesome answer. Not the White House. We were not at the White House. He was not elected yet. Anyway, moving on. I'm in trouble now. No, you're good.

How are you feeling right now? You seem very emotional. It’s tough not being able to see your kids. Nine weeks of being locked up alone can really affect anyone. It’s embarrassing.

Speaker 0: God loves you. Speaker 1: I'm angry. Speaker 2: I had an abortion and I'm happy. Speaker 1: What's your name? Speaker 2: None of your business. Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Speaker 2: You ruined everyone's lunch. Speaker 1: Can I have my mic back? Speaker 2: No. Speaker 1: God bless you. Officer, she assaulted me. Speaker 2: I did. Speaker 1: Can I get my stuff? Officer: No, you're under arrest. Speaker 1: Let go. Officer: No. We pray for you.

Where are you from? I’m from DC. Oh, DC. I’m from Kansas. Welcome to Lancaster City! I already voted three weeks ago. Great! We’re trying to get Trump back in office. I see we’re on opposite sides. What do you think about Doug Emhoff sleeping with the nanny? I’m not going to comment on that. Have a great day! You too, enjoy Lancaster, and please don’t ruin it.

Sarah: I live in the borough next to Hillenden. Since I moved into my house in 2019, my local shop has had three stabbings, one murder. My friend was murdered last year on the High Street. A girl I know was murdered in Southall Park. The government are failing us. I’m scared for my children; I have a 22-year-old son, and I’m begging him to move out of the country. Julia: Oh my goodness. Sarah: What are these politicians doing to us? They’re putting our children in so much danger. They’re putting everyone in danger, and they’re not doing anything to help us. Julia: And that’s the thing a lot of us feel. How many is too many? Sarah: They’re pushing us to do something we don’t want to do. We are peaceful people. British people never vote against their government. They’re going to push us through it because they’re not listening to us. Our friend, our family are dying. I had a cousin murdered twenty years ago. He was stabbed to death and nothing has changed, Julia. Julia: I’m so sorry, Sarah. I’m sure I speak for everyone listening and watching right now. My heart goes out to you. Sarah: I don’t leave the house without a man. Julia: You’re that worried? Sarah: Everyone I know is getting stabbed. Julia: I’m trying. Sarah: They’re getting raped in parts. This is where I live, not where the politicians live. Julia: Do you think that’s part of the issue that they don’t live in the real world? Sarah: Kissama, if you’re listening to this, please do something. I’m petrified. I’ve never broken the law in my life. I’ve been a law-abiding citizen. I’ve been a civil servant. Please do something. It’s us that are dying on the street. You should talk about being racist. We’re not racist. My sister’s mixed race. I was a white child brought up in a mixed-race family. Nothing to do with race. Exactly. She live with our safety. Julia: Sarah, I mean, 100%. Sarah: We Julia: we agree with you every single word, and I’m so sorry. I’m sending you a big hug over the… and I’m sure everyone else Sarah: else Julia: else

I enjoyed our time together. I hope you're not upset with me. What do you mean by that? We were going to do something, but it didn’t fit. What do you mean it didn’t fit? Couches don’t fit through doors sometimes. What are you talking about? I fit.

If you're feeling down about Kamala Harris not winning the election, I'm actually relieved she didn't, especially since this is her hometown. Is Mr. Smith there? No, who's there? What have you been doing living here? I don't live here; it's too busy.