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I'm a bit nervous, but I've been waiting for this moment my whole life. How's everyone doing tonight? Are we ready to make history? We have the opportunity to change the next eight years and ensure Kamala Harris is in office for that time. Thank you!

Here comes Kamala right down the fast lane. She slims up the golf ball through the garden hose again. She's clapping, loose skin flapping, and fish tank smelling alright. Come in bed and cover your head because Kamala's coming tonight. Kamala Harris is coming tonight.

Maybe I'm gay, and maybe my wife is a man, but it doesn't matter. Just go out and vote for Kamala. We've already dealt with Joe, so let's focus on winning this thing. We'll figure everything else out later.

I did great at the debate the other night. The other guy is quitting, so we have Kamala now. She's better. Imagine him dealing with Putin and the Chinese president. He's probably quitting. Keep knocking them out. Thank you.

Here I come! Who's number one on the invitation list? Leonardo DiCaprio! That's why I'm voting for Kamala Harris. Got it? Oh, wow!

Hi, it's Kamala Harris. Our rights are being threatened, but we're not alone. Let's fight back together. Remember, your vote is powerful. Register at vote.gov. Amen! Don't forget to vote in November.

Can you picture Kamala doing this show? I think she might, but it seems unlikely now. If she did, I imagine it would be chaotic, with her possibly not fully engaged. My intention would be to have a genuine conversation rather than a formal interview. I want to connect with her as a person and understand her better. That’s what I hope to achieve by having her on the show.

I wish I could connect with someone who understands my experience as a Black South Asian woman running for president, ideally from the Bay Area.

Speaker 0: What the do I have to do in this council in order to get respect as a black woman? I'm not afraid of anybody here. When I make a mistake, I will be clear. I don't hate you as a white woman. I don't hate you as a white man. I am sick and tired of this body so stupidly racially divided, so afraid, so depraved. People with no faith because they are afraid of their losing their advancement. They're afraid of bargaining. They're afraid of leveraging. These people have, oh my god. I can't even call you cowards because desperation deserves mercy. Cancer to redistricting. Fine. We give it to a white woman. Can we all get along? Can we get together? Can we love each other now? Can we make sure that black and brown babies don't die? Can we make sure that cops don't kill before people are proven innocent? Can we do that? No. No. No. No. Because this body crucifies you first because of allegations. This is not a court. You don't get to crucify people before they're proven guilty. They're innocent until proven guilty. Amen. Now after this, I will look forward to working with you because I have stamina. I believe, as Baldwin said, what you do not what you say. Your votes here sometimes are racist. You move sometimes in a way that hurts my people. Speaker 1: Yes. Say that. Speaker 0: And then when I get up to stand up and talk, oh, all she talks about is black stuff. Speaker 1: Yes. You should. Good. Speaker 0: I am here to represent every single black woman and man that suffers in the community. God has my back. Speaker 1: You got your Speaker 0: am not afraid to not have political asylum or any type of affiliations or connections. I came here, I fear none, no man, but my Lord. Amen. I came here to serve people. I came here to love. I came here to grow. But people talk about this racial equity thing. It's all fake. Speaker 1: Thank you. And Speaker 0: you do politics and you hurt each other. And yet, here I am, five foot tall African woman from the projects. And I am here to tell you, if the voters don't vote me back Speaker 1: We are get votes back.

I watched all of Kamala Harris' speeches in the last 2 weeks and she's been fantastic. I thought she was great 4 years ago too. I hope JD Vance challenges her to a debate because she would outshine him. I'll stay out of what the Democrats decide for the top of the ticket.

I am Kamala Harris, a diverse candidate for president. I learned from Joe Biden how to hide incompetence and make insignificant things seem important. I try to sound black and talk about the passage of time. My international politics knowledge is shocking. Remember, voting is about the future, not the past. If you thought the last 4 years were bad, just wait. Thank you.

I am Kamala Harris, a diverse candidate for president. I learned from Joe Biden to hide incompetence and make insignificant things seem important. I try to sound black and praise North Korea. Remember, voting means moving on from Biden. The country will change more if I win. Thank you.

Kamala Harris, a Democratic presidential candidate, claims she was selected as a "diversity hire" due to being both a woman and a person of color. She states Joe Biden taught her to hide her incompetence by discussing insignificant things as if they're significant. Harris says she tries to sound Black, pretends to celebrate Kwanzaa, and does a Barack Obama impression in her speeches. She claims her work addressing the root causes of the border crisis involved an alliance with the Republic of North Korea, which she describes as strong and enduring. She urges voters to see what can be unburdened by what has been, referring to Joe Biden's presidency.

I am Kamala Harris, a Democratic presidential candidate chosen for diversity. I learned from Joe Biden to hide incompetence. I talk about insignificant things as significant, like the passage of time. I try to sound black and mimic Obama. Despite failures, I tout a strong relationship with North Korea. Remember, voting unburdens us from the past, meaning Biden. If you think things are bad now, just wait. Thank you.

My name is Charlotte Clymer. I'm a writer and activist excited to be part of this gathering of women. I won't repeat what others have said. I support Vice President Harris and want to share a quick story.

I'm a bit nervous, but this moment is important to me. I need patience here. How's everyone doing tonight? Are we ready to make history and change the next eight years? Let's ensure Kamala Harris is in office for eight years. Thank you.

It feels like 2008 excitement in the air, from the outhouse to the White House. Kamala Harris will win the election with our help. Michigan hasn't seen this kind of excitement since electing Barack Obama in 2008.

This presidential election is crucial, and we must act decisively. Our freedoms and future are at stake, so we need to vote as if our lives depend on it and show up in overwhelming numbers. Kamala Harris is working hard, but she can't do it alone. It's time to take action—don't just watch the polls. Visit go.kamalaharris.com to find volunteer opportunities near you. Together, we can secure a victory for Kamala Harris, move past the negativity of Donald Trump's era, and embrace a new generation of leadership. Let's make it happen!

I'm Seth Dillon, CEO of the Babylon Bee. Today, we officially endorse Kamala Harris for president. She quickly rose to prominence due to her intellect, becoming the first person to win a primary without a single vote. As a woman of color, she embodies inclusivity and has a comforting presence, symbolized by her embrace of Drew Barrymore. Her popularity is evident, with millions crossing borders to support her. Most importantly, she is not Donald Trump. Kamala reminds us to focus on the future and understands the significance of time. As America faces threats to democracy, we proudly stand with Kamala Harris, joining other influential voices in this endorsement.

I have many questions, but I won’t start with them to avoid trouble. What’s your message for the voters on Super Tuesday? Thank you. I want to encourage people to make informed decisions. Thank you all for being here.

I am Kamala Harris, a Democratic presidential candidate chosen for diversity. I learned from Joe Biden to hide incompetence and make insignificant things seem important. I emphasize the significance of time passing and try to sound like Barack Obama. Despite past failures, I tout a strong alliance with North Korea. When voting, consider moving forward from the past, which includes Joe Biden. If you thought the last 4 years were bad, just wait.

The speaker thanks the audience for their support of democracy and expresses surprise at the coalition Kamala Harris has built, including figures from Bernie Sanders to Dick Cheney to Taylor Swift. This coalition believes in a positive future for the country and better politics. The speaker believes in an opportunity economy for everyone and freedom for individuals to make their own choices. They state that Donald Trump's inaugural address spoke of "American carnage," and Senator Vance will stand with Trump's agenda. The speaker acknowledges Vance's statement that Trump makes people afraid and suggests that Kamala Harris offers a new way forward, a "politics of joy," and real solutions for the middle class. The speaker asks for votes for Kamala Harris on November 5th, advocating for a new day where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

If you're feeling down about Kamala Harris not winning the election, I'm actually relieved she didn't, especially since this is her hometown. Is Mr. Smith there? No, who's there? What have you been doing living here? I don't live here; it's too busy.

I am Kamala Harris, a Democratic presidential candidate. I am grateful to Joe Biden for highlighting his weaknesses during the debate. I bring diversity as a woman and person of color. I learned from Joe to hide incompetence and make insignificant things seem important. I try to sound black and emulate Barack Obama. Despite past mistakes, I emphasize moving forward without Biden. The country will change if I am elected. Thank you.

I am a skinny guy with a funny last name, and I'm here to answer a question that's on everyone's mind. Who am I and why am I on this debate stage? Well, I'm not just a hopeful skinny kid with a funny name. I believe that America has a place for me too.