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You turned 30! How was the party? I wasn't invited. Actually, you were invited. Last time I was on the show, you mentioned not being invited, but I didn't know you wanted to come. Who wouldn't want to be invited to a party? I didn't realize you liked me. Of course I like you! You've been on the show many times. I did invite you, but you didn't come. This time you invited me? Are you sure? Yes, ask Jonathan, your producer. I wasn't invited either. Why didn't I go? I don't know.

I'm not going to hold back any longer, it's time the truth comes out about certain celebrities. Tom Hanks is a pedophile, and at the top levels of wealth and power, these people are sick and psycho. If more folks went to church, we wouldn't be in this mess we're in now. I agree with you. I like to shake your hand, sir. Maybe I'll start a show for you to come on, and we'll call it White Jeopardy. Spoiler alert, season two is on the way. In the end, he obviously didn't kill himself, just like Jeffrey Epstein. I know he's your friend, but I don't care. You had to make your own way here in your own plane, didn't you?

In all your years in the industry, have you ever sexually harassed anyone by grabbing them against their will? No, never. But there were some hesitant individuals. Have you sexually harassed anyone? What are you implying, Howard? Could it be that you persuaded someone who was hesitant by giving them a gentle squeeze? More than gentle. Translation: Have you ever sexually harassed someone by grabbing them against their will in all your years in the industry? No, never. But there were some hesitant individuals. Have you sexually harassed anyone? What are you implying, Howard? Could it be that you persuaded someone who was hesitant by giving them a gentle squeeze? More than gentle.

Have you ruled out a pardon for yourself or family members? Yes, I have. What would I pardon myself for? I have no intention of pardoning myself because I didn't do anything wrong. Could you comment on Meta's decision to...

I deserve to get what? You're wearing MAGA shoes in West Hollywood. Yeah, I am. It’s illegal to film someone in California. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, you dumb ugly... You’re filming a stranger? You hope I get what I deserve? What do I deserve? At least have the guts to say it. You seem very normal. What about Biden showering with his daughter? He’s the president, not running. I’m just excited to make you famous. It’s illegal to film people here. I don’t care. Then mind your own business.

Speaker 0 asks why Speaker 1 claims to hate children in interviews. Speaker 1 explains that in today's world, it's easier for a single man like him to say he doesn't like children. Speaker 0 suggests that Speaker 1 says this to avoid tabloids speculating about him being a pedophile. Speaker 1 agrees and questions how anyone can truly know if he is or isn't.

I can't fly to Akron just to insult a guy. The line "jerk store" is too good to waste. There are no jerk stores, it's a clever line for a smart audience. I won't dumb it down for a mass audience.

Speaker 0 stated that someone "trained me to have to be perfect." Speaker 1 then mentioned "working for Diddy," to which Speaker 0 responded, "Absolutely." Speaker 1 expressed affection for Diddy, calling him a "good friend" and "good guy." Speaker 0 stated that "he expects—" before Speaker 1 interjected, asking, "Is he a good guy?" Speaker 0 responded, "I don't wanna answer that question." Speaker 1 concluded by saying, "I think he's a good guy. I'm a stick up for—"

So, you called Elon Musk a fascist and implied he's a national security threat. But is that really more of a threat than, say, sleeping with a Chinese spy? What's fascistic about exposing government corruption? I know you just had dinner with lobbyists, and I heard you like to be with only attractive people. So, do you want to comment on any of this? You think Elon Musk is a national security threat, but you sleeping with a Chinese spy isn't? You don't want to comment on that at all? Looks like guilty is charged.

Pick it out, read it, and answer. Public place, you did it. Is this the best or the worst? The best. Probably the Obama thing. What is your wife talking about? We heard a lot in there. Who should get back in? We're not gonna discuss that. Secret Service, come here. Hi, look at y'all. We're not talking about it. That's an awesome answer. Not the White House. We were not at the White House. He was not elected yet. Anyway, moving on. I'm in trouble now. No, you're good.

A businesswoman states that working for Diddy for six years trained her to be perfect. Another speaker expresses their love for Diddy, calling him a good friend. When asked if Diddy is a good guy, the businesswoman declines to answer. The other speaker insists that Diddy is a good guy and defends him.

Speaker 0: Apology tour due to online criticism and advertisers leaving. Speaker 1: Bob Ives was interviewed today. Stop. Speaker 2: I don't want advertisers who try to blackmail me with money. Go fuck yourself. Speaker 1: I understand. Bob, if you're here, let me ask you. Speaker 2: That's how I feel. No advertising. Speaker 1: What are your thoughts?

You refused to congratulate the president. I refuse to talk to you because you're being obnoxious. I'm just asking a simple question. What are your thoughts on Donald Trump? I'm good. Are you optimistic he'll be a good president? I'm good. It sounds like you're resentful of the president. You're putting words in my mouth. Why not at least commend him for his victory? I need a QR code to get in. It seems stingy not to congratulate him. Look at my interview on Bloomberg. I think you're jealous of Trump. I'm navigating my emails. What are you doing at the World Economic Forum? There are reasons a Republican could be here, but I think you're here for rhino reasons. My questions were straightforward. His refusal to congratulate Trump suggests bitterness. For more reports from the World Economic Forum, visit wefreports.com. Please consider contributing to our crowdfunding efforts.

Speaker 0: Apology tour, if you will. There was criticism and advertisers leaving. We talked to Bob Ives today. Stop. Speaker 2: Don't advertise. If someone tries to blackmail me with money, go fuck yourself. Speaker 1: It is clear. Hey, Bob. If you're in the audience. Speaker 2: That's how I feel. Don't advertise. Speaker 1: How do you think then?

Hey, Oprah. Good morning! How do you think the election went? Not discussing the elections, thank you. Is it true you were paid a million dollars for endorsing Kamala? Not true. I was paid nothing. What do you think about the celebrities leaving? I'm not talking about that. Do you think Prince Harry will lose his visa now that Trump is president? Thank you, Oprah.

Let's address the situation. You mention the Jewish community's struggle with pornography, yet you're known for your outrageous behavior on shows like Howard Stern. Your videos depict inappropriate actions, like dancing provocatively with a child and making crude comments about my anatomy. You have a reputation for being wild, and I could mention your adult products, but instead, I’ll ask if you're currently using one. Can I respond? Sure, go ahead. Do you have a model called "the holiness"?

So, we've got breaking news: Trump's been arrested for *not* being on Epstein's client list, while Bill Clinton wins for most trips to the island. I want to thank my wife and Monica. Jeffrey, this one's for you! Welcome to client list anonymous. My name is Tom Hanks, and I'm on the list. It’s been three weeks, but no one will ever know. I'm Bill, and it's been two days. I was lonely watching Cuties, and boom, a million-dollar hush money payment. Epstein Island? They got my associate, so case closed! I never met Jeffrey, no sexual relations happened on Epstein Island. Don't worry, nobody will ever know. That’s Jeffrey's client list. Trump isn't on it! You'll fry for this. I didn't even know there were clients.

You do. Not gonna happen, dude. Another pussy. We talk about it, bro. You don't think anal sex is good, do you? No. It's not the it's not the purpose. Have you ever fucked your old lady in the ass? Who would do that? I fucked your old lady. That's why you're here with me. Watch your language. Hey. Shut your ass. Shut your ass, you little piece of shit. You wanna take shit? Where are you from? These people are out here having a good fucking time, and you're being sick.

You do. Not gonna happen, dude. Another pussy. We talk about it, bro. You don't think anal sex is good, do you? No. It's not the it's not the purpose. Have you ever fucked your old lady in the ass? Who would do that? I fucked your old lady That's why you're here with me. Watch your language. Hey. Shut your ass. Shut your ass, you little piece of shit. You wanna take shit? Where are you from? These people are out here having a good fucking time, and you're being sick.

Hey, Maga. How bad does it hurt? The Jimmy Kimmel's back, but you guys can't get your person back.

Thanks for having me, Colin. By the way, my eyes are down here. So, I’m glad about the ruling in the UK that makes bald jokes off-limits. I’m tired of them! I’ve heard all the jokes, like how my head looks like an old spice deodorant when I wear a red turtleneck. Once, during jury duty with other bald men, the defendant joked we looked like a carton of eggs. And yes, I lotion my head because it gets dry. You probably make insensitive jokes, like asking if the carpet matches the drapes. No, it’s actually quite hairy down there! All this talk is making me sweaty. I dare you to laugh! By the way, I’m also impotent. Don’t laugh. Just go away.

I think we should remove the homicide from the White House for a fresh start, we don't want any more murderers. Next question. Who are the murderers? Oh, Clinton, he murdered a guy. We're not making accusations without proof. That's too far, let's move on. This is not my week. Do you know where you heard that? We don't need this. I don't want to hear it, this isn't the place for accusations, and you're supposed to be funny. This is a live show. I thought it was a matter of record. You won't be invited back if you don't shut up. Let's talk football. Manslaughter! Let's talk football.

Mister Hegseth, are you attracted to obese Hawaiian women with low intelligence? No, senator. Are you aware that I used the potty by myself today? No, senator. You seem quite fertile; if confirmed, would you commit to having a baby with me? No, senator. Are you saying under oath that you refuse to impregnate a portly Hawaiian woman, even if she can use the potty independently?

I think we should get the homicide out of the White House and get a fresh start, because we don't want any more murderers. Clinton murdered a guy. That's going a little too far. This is not the place to make those accusations, and you're supposed to be funny. I thought it was a matter of record. You will not be invited back if you don't shut up. Let's talk football. Where did you ever hear that? Maybe George or Bill Clinton would be your hero. His career is over after this. Anyway, who cares? We're on the millionaire today. People always told me Hollywood was incredibly liberal and biased, and I thought it was untrue about it.

I think we should get the homicide out of the White House, we don't want any more murderers. Let's just go on to the next question. You're not talking about losing accusations. That's a little too far, let's just go on to the next question. This is not the place to make those accusations and you're supposed to be funny. I thought it was a matter of record. You will not be invited back if you don't shut up. Let's talk football. Where did you ever hear the word, bonus raise, he's my hero, you know, just like you. There's no stopping you, is there? His career is over after this. We're on the millionaire today. People always told me Hollywood was incredibly liberal and biased and I thought it was untrue about it. You have 10 sons, you're not allowed to tell anything like that. He doesn't answer anything anyway. He's on the millionaire tonight.