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I used to be asked if I wished I had a third term. I would say that if I could have someone else be the face and do all the talking while I stayed in my basement in sweats, I would be fine with that.

I was asked about Trump becoming speaker and I answered honestly. I think "speaker Trump" sounds great.

I can take a nap while this guy, who wasn't born in the U.S. and grew up under apartheid in South Africa, does my job. He might even be a foreign agent or an enemy of the United States. I'm getting some flack for saying Musk was pro-apartheid. I don't really know for sure, but he grew up during that time, so maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. He might have been young. So, Elon, please don't sue me!

I used to think that if I had a third term, I would be okay with having someone else be the face of the presidency while I stayed in my basement, comfortable in my sweats, and just delivered the lines through an earpiece.

I am stepping down from the presidential race to focus on preventing Robert Bork's Supreme Court appointment. I am grateful for the support and will continue to fight for justice and idealism in America. Thank you for understanding.

I advised the president to shut down the country, despite knowing it would have economic consequences.

I used to be a Democrat, but after meeting this man, I won't vote for a Democrat again.

When I was vice president, things were bad during the pandemic. Barack told me to go to Detroit to fix it. The mayor spent more time with me than he expected. God bless him.

I may run for president because I've paid for my crimes. Joe Biden got knocked down for cheating in law school, which is cheap. Cheating in an exam shouldn't get you thrown out, but going to law school should be punished.

I'm Barack Obama, not Frank Underwood. Happy April Fools' Day. Frank got it from me.

Sometimes you have to confront the presidential nominee of your party and speak your mind directly to them.

I have good judgment. I married Jill and appointed Johnson. Clap for that, you stupid bracker. Everything he says is a lie. It's terrible.

Okay, so the richest guy in the world is on our team. I know that's a tough pill to swallow if you are competitive, but it's true. I tried to find someone smarter than him, believe me, I searched everywhere, but I couldn't do it. For the good of the country, we settled on the best person for the job. Thanks for having me.

I believe they were being bribed. Joe Biden giving away $1 billion in exchange for my firing, isn't that corruption?

I released all the senators who couldn't confront the president's actions from their responsibility. This is an opportunity for them to do better.

Joe Biden once mentioned that if he had a fundamental disagreement with Barack Obama, he would develop a disease and resign. The speaker implies that Democrats reveal their plans and expect people to forget. They claim to have been paying attention from the start and knew this was the plan all along.

When we disagree, we handle it privately like Barack and I did. If there's a fundamental moral disagreement, I'll resign. But we haven't had that issue yet.

I advised the president to shut down the country, despite knowing it would have significant economic consequences. However, I did not recommend locking anything down.

I wish I could have a third term. I used to think that if I could have someone else be the face of the presidency, while I stayed in my basement in comfortable clothes, I would be okay with that. They would wear an earpiece and I would just deliver the lines.

I don't require money, campaign contributions, lobbyists, or special interests. All I need is to do what's right for the country.

I work for President Biden every day and love it. Recently, President Biden announced that he wishes he could have a stand-in with an earpiece while he relaxes in his basement, allowing someone else to do the talking and ceremonies for him.

I won't engage in business with those who support the president-elect. My priority is to ensure a safe environment for myself, my staff, and my family.

I think it's time for him to try something new because I can't handle his past anymore. According to the laws.

I am fueled by Trump and I am determined to sue him. As the attorney general, I will make sure to be a constant annoyance to him. I will sue him every day and then go home.

When I'm president, I'll send reinforcements to Texas instead of a restraining order.