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The speaker on David Chang's Netflix show stated they would eat human meat if a fancy restaurant served a tiny piece, even making Chang speechless. The speaker knew the statement wouldn't be well-received. They clarify they haven't eaten human meat, referencing the "Bodies" exhibit. They feel everything has been eaten in fine dining except human meat. The speaker then jokes about what body part they would offer to be eaten, such as their belly or arm, after passing away naturally. They suggest a thigh, saying it tastes like chicken.

The speaker begins by making offensive racial remarks and claims that the jokes were written by Whoopi Goldberg. They proceed to make more offensive comments and insults towards others. The speaker is confronted about their language, but continues with their offensive remarks. The transcript abruptly ends.

Thank you! It feels a bit strange to be back here hosting, especially since I used to do the weekend update. A year and a half ago, I had a disagreement with NBC and was fired for not being funny. Normally, that would lead to a lawsuit, but since it’s a comedy show, they had the upper hand. Now, just a year and a half later, they’ve invited me back to host. I wondered how I went from being deemed not funny to hosting. It hit me that I haven’t gotten funnier; the show has just gotten worse. So, to recap: I'm still not funny, but the show is even worse. We have a bad show for you tonight with Doctor Dre, Snoop Dogg, and Eminem.

Speaker 0, known as the "beautiful vegan Messiah," talks about their name and their dad. They mention liberating pigs from small cages and criticize their mom. They also claim to have a high score on Hot or Not. Speaker 1 interrupts and tries to calm Speaker 0 down, but Speaker 0 continues with offensive language. Speaker 1 calls for security to remove Speaker 0 and apologizes to the audience for the behavior.

Speaker 0 greets Mega and asks, 'Hey, Mega. How bad does it hurt?' The speaker notes, 'The Jimmy Kimmel's back, but you guys can't get your person back.'

The speaker thanks the audience for coming and asks what they think of the speaker's hat. The speaker states they are going to sign the hat and throw it out.

Let's bow our heads and bless the meal. Everyone, say Namaste. Now, let's get some food. The line is long, so I'll grab something fresh off the grill. We have sausages, brisket, and ribs. Do you have any vegan options? Unfortunately, no. I guess a bun with ketchup will have to do. By the way, have you seen my husband? I’m starting to worry. I think he went around the house. Who's your favorite Batman? What have you done? You're eating meat! It was an accident; it means nothing to me! Don't go! I just haven't had real food in a while.

Speaker 0 states that everything in the room is edible, including himself, and that this is called cannibalism.

The speaker greets each other and asks if they have received any letters. One letter from a viewer named Louise Carpenter asks about the absence of the Jimmy Savile World Cup comment slot, which her 8-year-old daughter enjoyed. The speaker makes a comment about young girls liking Jimmy Savile. They mention that the daughter loves the slot and then abruptly end the conversation.

The speaker engages in a disrespectful conversation with Bob Iger, using offensive language and insults. They request to call Bob Iger for assistance in a game show, but it turns out they don't actually need help and confidently state they will win the prize. The speaker then expresses their opinion about people who prioritize appearance over morality.

A skinny kid with a funny name is on the debate stage, and people are wondering who he is and why he's there.

Take a look at Daniel Lowback and the bucket. Let's turn around and meet some nice people in the front row.

Speaker 0, on behalf of Amy, thanked the devil and all the dark lords who gave her the award and allowed her to feast on the flesh of the enemy. Speaker 1 told Speaker 0 not to do the devil stuff. Speaker 1 then thanked everyone.

The speaker criticizes the audience for being boring and unresponsive. He expresses surprise that they didn't react when he mentioned the Navy.

Someone calls an unidentified group "New Jersey's Gestapo" and says, "You're tough. Real fucking tough." They then ask, "You're safe now, guys? Oh, you're safe now."

Speaker 0 announces they are about to put something in their mouth, says “it tastes like meat,” notes that it may be disgusting to you, but then states “Actually, it tastes good,” and finishes with “I’m not gonna lie.”

Hey, back up! Watch out! Who is it? You’re here? He’s one of the owners. You good? I got you.

Speaker 0 states that when you have a scene like this, you have to bring bosses with you. He indicates the scene is female-friendly because there is a woman present. He refers to her as "butt ball" and "raw dog." He says he is not going to turn himself in, and that once everyone leaves, it will just be him and the woman. He states he is doing what he does best. Speaker 1 exclaims, "Oh, shit," and asks if the camera caught something. They then demand the camera be cut off.

William Shatner impersonated the evil Captain Kirk from Star Trek episode 37, "The Enemy Within." Refreshments from across the galaxy are available, including Coke, Diet Coke, Bubble Up, and Orange. The speaker concluded with "live long and prosper."

On David Chang's Netflix show, the speaker mentioned that if given permission, they would eat human meat at a fancy restaurant. However, they quickly retracted the statement and said they wouldn't actually try it. The speaker joked about making David Chang speechless and mentioned that they feel like everything has been eaten in fine dining except for human meat. When asked which body part they would eat, the speaker jokingly suggested giving their arm, but quickly dismissed the idea. The conversation ended with the speaker saying that human meat would probably taste like chicken.

I can't believe we're back here. Does anyone even remember what happened last time? Is something wrong? It's not working. No good? Nothing is happening. There we go! Oh my god! Oh boy, so good! This one's real. Yes! Yes! Yes! Lunch and a show. How about that? That *is* a sandwich! How about she's hot right now? Am I competing with the condiments?

The speaker congratulates someone on running, then expresses dissatisfaction with their hair as seen on camera. The speaker asks to leave the stage for five minutes to retone their hair, addressing someone as "mister future senator" and mentioning David.

Speaker 0 greets the audience multiple times and asks how they are doing. They also ask for the audience's names and say goodbye. The speaker then asks someone if they have an English name and what they do for fun.

Speaker 0 asks what you are here to talk about, says “Thank you very much,” and asks, “Any votes in the prime minister?”

Mr. Clement is told he is under arrest. He declares "this is democracy manifest" and complains about a headlock. He accuses someone of grabbing his penis. He requests "some cups" and asks what the charge is. He states the charge is "eating a meal, a succulent Chinese meal." He remarks that someone knows their judo well and asks if someone else is waiting to receive his "limp penis."