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I'm Shane Gillis, fired from this show. I should be a high school football coach. My dad coaches girl's basketball. My mom and I used to be best friends until I discovered masturbation. My family includes members with Down syndrome. My niece, who has Down syndrome, is the best in the family. My sister has 3 adopted black kids, a child with Down syndrome, and an Arab husband. We opened a coffee shop for people with Down syndrome. They hate working there. No difference between us and them. 21 Savage is the guest tonight. Thank you.

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I was asked to help sell Wonderful Pistachios, but they're so great they sell themselves. Sales haven't gone up in the last 30 seconds, so let's work on branding.

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Thank you! It feels a bit strange to be back here hosting, especially since I used to do the weekend update. A year and a half ago, I had a disagreement with NBC and was fired for not being funny. Normally, that would lead to a lawsuit, but since it’s a comedy show, they had the upper hand. Now, just a year and a half later, they’ve invited me back to host. I wondered how I went from being deemed not funny to hosting. It hit me that I haven’t gotten funnier; the show has just gotten worse. So, to recap: I'm still not funny, but the show is even worse. We have a bad show for you tonight with Doctor Dre, Snoop Dogg, and Eminem.

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Bro, what's happening? Domestic violence is out of control. Let's all be kind to each other. What's happening?

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I only want you, Pookie. To get over a breakup, get under someone else. Clean this side well. What's one move in bed that pleases a man?

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It's good to see you again. I want to address the recent racist joke about working at 7-Eleven. Honestly, it was hurtful, but I’m a survivor. There’s a growing hunger for offense in our culture, where people seek validation through outrage rather than genuine issues. This affects comedy, which is essential for holding power accountable. Humor should not be treated as harmful; it’s a vital tool for critique. Regarding the election, a large margin is necessary to prevent interference. I support Trump because he effectively advanced our agenda. DeSantis supporters should unite for the greater good. I’m exploring my next steps, whether in government or elsewhere, focusing on my purpose and unique gifts. Whatever I pursue will be driven by passion, not obligation. Thank you for having me.

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Congratulations on your win! How are you feeling? I'm doing much better now. It’s hard to believe how things went down. I tried to help her, but she was terrible. Mary still holds a grudge against her; it’s unforgettable. We should definitely discuss this further. Let me know when you're free to set something up. I’m heading back to Florida for golf tomorrow. Did you notice she won’t even look at me? I heard from some of her team that she’s struggling again. It seems like she can’t handle the pressure. If you’re not cut out for it, it’s tough.

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I'm just here for inspirational motivation. You don't see many black men from the hood who own an island. I have an island called Love Island. What was going through your head when we landed and had to float to another island? I thought I was going to war with you. What was your favorite time that I took you off the grid? When you go off the grid with me, you have to sleep for a week. Yeah, because it definitely gives us sleep.

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The claim is made that Steve Harvey and Diddy were secretly in a 25-year relationship. Steve Harvey is shown in a clip discussing baby oil, including its use on bath towels and offering advice to a pastor's wife. The speaker then references photos of Diddy and Lori Harvey, noting they dated, possibly before or after Lori's relationship with Michael B. Jordan. Steve Harvey is then shown in a clip discussing baby oil, suggesting various uses, including on washcloths and even mentioning getting it on pizza. He also suggests using baby oil on one's lips.

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Tracy Ellis Ross is the speaker's only shampoo choice. The speaker is interrupting regular programming to celebrate a "black excellence moment" related to Tracy Ellis Ross and Michael P. Jordan's birthday.

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Speaker 0 greets Mega and asks, 'Hey, Mega. How bad does it hurt?' The speaker notes, 'The Jimmy Kimmel's back, but you guys can't get your person back.'

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Are you going to cover the Diddy scandal in your stand-up routine? Have you thought about how to approach it? I probably won't. Why not? It's about family. If he's convicted, would you consider it then? No. So you think Diddy is completely off-limits? Yeah, that's right. Alright, thanks. How are you doing?

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Anna, a Detroit native, is excited because her favorite football team, the Lions, are playing. She shows off her custom jersey and hopes that Barry Sanders, a former player, sees it. Anna mentions that she spent real money on the jersey and offers to make a new one for Barry. She also mentions that other celebrities have done similar things. Anna's ultimate hope is for the Lions to make it to the Super Bowl.

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A businesswoman states that working for Diddy for six years trained her to be perfect. Another speaker expresses their love for Diddy, calling him a good friend. When asked if Diddy is a good guy, the businesswoman declines to answer. The other speaker insists that Diddy is a good guy and defends him.

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I would like to thank everyone for their trust and support. First and foremost, I want to thank my wife. We have a playful interaction, joking about whether we have met before. We then have a lighthearted exchange about putting something away and a comment about my mom loving it. We involve a child named Angel, asking her to hold something and taking pictures. We make a comment about not smiling until you're thirty and ask Angel her age. She says she's twelve. We mention that our show is challenging and express a preference for kids over pizza. The video ends with a mention of "Grandpa's."

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Speaker 0: Hey, Mega. How bad does it hurt? The Jimmy Kimmel's back, but you guys can't get your person back.

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Hey there! Thanks for inviting us to our first backyard barbecue. We’ve never met our neighbors before. This is Clay. Hi, I’m Tiffany, and this is Steve. Welcome to our home! I know this one—go Dodgers! My gardener Javier calls me Caranito, which means he cares. We brought a quinoa kale salad with balsamic reduction. Jennifer Aniston ate this every day on the set of Friends. Oh, bless your heart! Let me find a place for this salad. What does that tell you?

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The speaker claims to be the reason college and high school athletes are getting paid. He calls himself "Mister influencer to influencers." He states he fights to eradicate childhood malnutrition. He accuses the mainstream media and Hollywood of being pedophiles until flight logs are released. He asks if he is canceled yet.

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Cool. Everyone's on thin ice. Don't cause trouble, Chad. Leave him alone! Check out the new girl...ew, what's she wearing? Girls *do* play football where I'm from. Think fast! Right in the Jimmy Johnson! This isn't over! Let's settle this: our best guy versus your best guy. I'm Brad. I can read! You got folded, Brad. Dinner! Okay, that's what I'm talking about.

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Excuse me, who does your makeup? Would you consider playing us? We are four of the Ultras. We're at a pretty high level. Are you sure you want to play us? Okay, that was fun. Playing for those Ultras is really hard. You know we're professional athletes, right? What sport do you play? I smell Ultra. Want to play for an Ultra?

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I squeak like a chirping grasshopper or a squeaky screen door. I want to be a backup girl. What's wrong with Justin's hair? We need a global movement. Men think we go from oral to anal, but I don't anymore. I think about Lisa and horses. Welcome back. Kader is spelled k h a d r. Omar Connery has more class than the entire cabinet. Thank you.

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Yarn is on the play. You know, the best part of this defense is their defensive line and their Hello? Hey, who? What's up? Numbi. Just watching the game, having a bud. So about you? None. Watching a game, having a bud. True. True. What's up? Yo. Who's that? Yo. You're picking the phone. Hello? What's up? Yo. Where's Dookie? Yo. Hello? So what's up, b? Watching the game, having a butt.

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The interview includes discussion of Speaker 2's relationship with Jordan, which is a topic they are not comfortable commenting on, though Speaker 0 has recently posted about it on Instagram. Speaker 1 references photos of Speaker 2 in Jordan, including one where he's a fisherman and she's a mermaid, and another where he's balancing Jordan on his feet in a "Titanic" pose. Speaker 2 says he is on social media but doesn't follow Speaker 0. Speaker 1 notes that Speaker 2 seems to be having more fun these days. Speaker 2 says he enjoys football, the process, the grind, and the competition, and that coaching is fun. He feels like he hasn't worked a day in his life.

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Seth and I were just chilling at my house, talking about how some people hate on me because I'm successful. I hope to reach the top soon. My life is crazy and my girls are hot. One of them even asked for my autograph. I recommend living this kind of life, where the party never ends. If a girl wants my attention, she better be a 10. I don't mind as long as they don't play games when things get tough and we're drinking. I feel like I've taken over the world, just like Donald Trump.

This Past Weekend

Sebastian Maniscalco 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #223
Guests: Sebastian Maniscalco
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Sebastian Maniscalco discusses his upcoming film Spinning Gold, where he plays Giorgio Moroder, the father of disco, and describes pushing himself into roles he wouldn’t normally inhabit. He highlights instruments of his career, noting Green Book’s Oscar win and his experience working with Viggo Mortensen. On The Irishman, he recalls his first day with De Niro and Joe Pesci, feeling nervous and uncertain about belonging, and shares that on set he told himself, “I’m not going to speak unless spoken to.” He says the experience made him realize acting offers a departure from stand‑up and can broaden his exposure beyond a comedy audience. He mentions dialect work for Spinning Gold and hoping for a mustache on set. The conversation shifts to his podcasting, including The Pete and Sebastien Show on Sirius XM that began five-plus years ago, and his other projects with Brendan Schaub. He explains that podcasting grew after a Rogan appearance and that he would like to reach a broader audience, though he occasionally feels burnout and plans to scale back to three episodes a week. He describes his approach to guests and conversations, sometimes prepared, sometimes winged. Family life emerges: he has a newborn son eight weeks old and a two‑ and‑a‑half‑year‑old daughter, balancing travel with home life and aiming to be present. He talks about the value of everyday routines, staying grounded, and using moments from family life as material. He jokes about a vision board, saying “I want a black son” and “two black kids,” acknowledging mixed reactions others may have. He shares nerves about hosting the VMAs, noting a younger audience and intent to tailor his monologue rather than roast celebrities. He recounts hair restoration experiences, including a pubic hair anecdote used for a Halloween mustache on a cruise ship: “Forty bucks on a cruise ship and a ticket for a wine.” He mentions DM interactions with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and JJ Watt, and reflects on growing as an entertainer while staying connected to family and daily life.
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