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I've got WeatherTech. For whatever comes your way, there's WeatherTech. 312, bingo. Don't worry, girls.

Hey everyone! I blew my commercial budget on new teeth, so this video's iPhone quality. Check out yeezy.com.

I was asked to help sell Wonderful Pistachios, but they're so great they sell themselves. Sales haven't gone up in the last 30 seconds, so let's work on branding.

I'm incredibly recognizable, even imitated by comedians and athletes. My rallies have become huge events, and I can't resist dancing at the end. It's just got something special. Now's the time to show your support with our great Trump gear at AlexJonesstore.com. We're in an information war, and your support helps us keep broadcasting. We've got new designs—shirts, hoodies, hats—all made in Arkansas and ready to ship. It's your Independence Day. Get yours today! Become a VIP for $30 a month and receive $40 to spend in the store. Support the broadcast, and get great Patriot gear and supplements. Join the VIP program at AlexJonesstore.com/VIP.

Stand with President Trump by supporting him at donaldjtrump.com to defeat the Democrats and make America great again. Your contribution is crucial in this fight. Join us now to save the country and make a difference. Visit the website today.

I support Elon Musk because he stands up for freedom of speech. I will advertise on X with an unlimited budget because freedom is priceless. I don't have $100,000,000, but I will spend as much as I can to support this platform and freedom of speech. I am proud to be a new advertiser on X. The same people who were mad about a black woman being on a cereal box are the same people who don't like Elon and don't like free speech. I stand for freedom and support Elon. Visit cousin t's.com and use the discount code x for great American pancakes. Thank you, Elon, for standing up for freedom of speech.

Happy Monday! Coors Light helps you chill out and conquer even the toughest Mondays. Get a case and let's beat those Monday blues together.

To all black people: If you want to challenge the government that harmed your ancestors and killed leaders like Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, and Huey, vote for Donald Trump. These racists fear him because he threatens their corrupt ways. Show them by voting for Trump to disrupt their control over us. It's time to fight back against those who have oppressed us for too long.

Code red! Alarms are sounding because Elon Musk and his department have accessed the private information of millions of Americans. This is a crisis, a war on our privacy by Musk and Trump. They're raiding the government, potentially stealing taxpayer money. We're ready to fight it in the courts and in the streets to defend democracy. People are ready for action! Speaking of action, we have exciting announcements. Get your "Big Balls Trump" hat and a limited-edition Infowars tactical dagger. It's high quality, inscribed with "Infowars" and "1776," and comes with a scabbard. Also, grab the limited-edition "Tip of the Spear" pure silver coin. All available at AlexJonesStore.com, and they fund our operation. Attack rapidly and ruthlessly. Keep punching!

One chance to grab all your dreams in a single moment. Will you take it or let it go? Yo.

I don't lie. Imagine the fun in a 1966 Ford Country Squire Wagon. Beware of Ralph Williams trying to scam you. He spends money on vices in Vegas. Come to our address in San Bruno if you want to get ripped off. Your money is good anywhere. Avoid 5-year $100/month payments. Shop around before buying.

I tell the truth. Consider a 1966 Ford Country Squire Wagon for fun. Beware of Ralph Williams, who spends money on vices in Las Vegas. Visit us at 345 El Camino Real, San Bruno, for fair deals. Avoid getting ripped off by him. Your money is valued, regardless of where you come from. Don't fall for his 5-year payment plan trap. Shop wisely before buying.

Hi! Oh, snap. I tend to win it. Yeah, I'm not coming back this way. I think we're in your car.

Come on down to Donald Trump's House of Wings, the best wing restaurant in New Jersey! While I'm not a chicken wing expert, I know the wing is the best part of the chicken, far better than any other part. We've got five levels of hotness to choose from: regular, hot, three alarm, suicidal, and hell spawn. Plus, if you're a celery fan, it's on the house. So, to all of you out there, stop by and enjoy. You can find us on Route 14 right next to Al Sharpen's Casabasushi. If you pass Derek Cheter's taco hole, you've gone too far.

I'm Kyle Rittenhouse, outreach director for Texas gun rights. Join us for our 1st annual clay shoot on September 12th in Fort Worth, Texas. Shoot clays with me and other gun enthusiasts. Get tickets at texasgunrights.org. See you there!

As of today, if you have Canvas, get them rolling. Share this on social media. As of today, the party of faith, family, and freedom.

Tweet a tapping in. If you fuck with me and my music, you gotta fuck with Carmelo Hittman, man. Just for my dog. Website coming soon. You gotta tap in.

We're on tour in Georgia, and our message is clear: Joe has to go. We can't afford a close race because we know the risks. Join us at the corner of Beaufort Dam in Atlanta for the next few days. This lady was furious when she saw Joe's face, but then she read the bus and now we have a chance. Come out and show your support. We appreciate you all.

I just want to win. Hey, pass the weed. I just got it.

I have a sad story. Last night, I stepped in shaving cream. I think I’ll break up with my girlfriend; she responds to my affection with insults. Our baby fell out of a window but landed safely in shaving cream. Now is the time to wear Trump gear, and the best designs are at the Alex Jones store. Support the second American revolution and free speech. We need funds to continue our broadcast. You’re part of the information war, helping us prepare for our mission. Check out the Alex Jones store for amazing designs, including shirts and hoodies. When you sign up for VIP, you get $40 to spend for just $30 a month. Everyone should be a VIP supporter to access great supplements and gear.

Tweet a tapping in. If you fuck with me or my music, you gotta fuck with Carmelo, man. This is for my dog. Website coming soon. You gotta tap in.

I support Elon Musk and his fight for freedom of speech. I will advertise on X with an unlimited budget because freedom is priceless. I don't have $100,000,000, but I have a successful small business and will spend as much as I can to support this platform and freedom of speech. I am proud to be a new advertiser on X. Those who were upset about a black woman being on a cereal box are the same people who dislike Elon and X. We shouldn't bow down to people who get offended easily. Visit cousin t's.com and use the discount code x for great American pancakes and fried chicken. Thank you, Elon, for standing up for freedom of speech.

Hey, it's Johnny Drill. Johnny's on live 2023 is happening soon and I've got exciting news. We've introduced the spend on my friends bundle. If you buy 3 tickets, you'll get 1 free for your special friend. Don't miss out on Journalism Live in Abuja on October 22nd, Lagos on October 29th, and Homecoming on November 5th. Visit www.johnnydrill.com to grab your tickets and have a great time with friends and family. Let's make unforgettable memories together. JV.

I'm Donald Trump, and I love a good deal and a good meal. When I saw a defunct Meineke muffler shop in Englewood, New Jersey, I decided to buy it and turn it into a restaurant specializing in buffalo chicken wings. This is the most important thing I've ever done. At Donald Trump's House of Wings, you can enjoy wings with five levels of hotness: regular, hot, and hell spawn. And if you like celery, it's complimentary. Our wings are the best in New Jersey, so come by and enjoy. To all the chickens out there, you're fryered!

Saks happy announces a yachting party at Mykonos if their stock hits $10. To join the guest list, simply repost their tweet. See you in Greece soon.