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We've lifted the ban on gain of function research, so modifying viruses to be more deadly and transmissible is now legal, to prepare for future outbreaks. Ironically, there’s a new respiratory virus in Wuhan, near our research lab. No, it didn't come from there; it’s from a farmer's market.
Don't worry, we're prepared. We even predicted this at "Event 201." Travel from China? Racist! The virus is here now. We're assuming it's deadly, though it mostly affects the elderly and sick, who we will send to nursing homes.
Masks don't work, but they're mandatory. We're locking down everything for two weeks, except Walmart, Target, McDonald's, and Taco Bell. Small businesses? Tanks. This will crash the economy, but it's okay. Lockdowns don't work, but we will do those, and social distancing.
Download our contact tracing app, but vaccine passports are crazy. And we're investigating the virus's origins by sending... the guy who runs the lab. All of this is until the new mRNA vaccine arrives, thank God for Bill Gates!