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Beyonce hosts a Juneteenth party at the White House with her uncle Chester. Steve Urkel crashes to give the president "racial street cred." Robert De Niro awkwardly dances with Kamala Harris. The party is bizarre, questioning the leadership of the country. Joe Biden avoids any mishaps.

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Martin Short arrives at a celebration, greeted by friends. They joke about his nickname, "Marty," and his status as a writer and performer. A signature cocktail, the Martie Teeny, is introduced, and they discuss the holiday party atmosphere. They playfully test Martin's knowledge of current cast members, and he humorously admits he doesn't know any. The group shares light-hearted confessions about their pasts, including a yoga class incident. As the celebration continues, they toast to Martin's achievement of joining the 5 Timers Club, and he receives a special jacket. The night is filled with laughter, camaraderie, and a sense of accomplishment as Martin expresses his gratitude to his friends.

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I work long hours until 4:45, waiting until age 57 to retire with a pension. Going back to the office on Mondays is tough. I have dental, but filling out forms is frustrating. I'm embarrassed about the price hikes on my rental in Ocean City. Cameras are required for today's meeting. I waste my life waiting for a verification code. It's hard to check my 401k and my fudge round supplier doesn't take Apple Pay anymore. My job could be done by one person. Living in the real world is harder than you think. I have healthcare, but it's scary. I only have a few weeks left to open and roll. The new boss just snaps his pen. They want us back on Tuesdays too. We're just like you.

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There are badge-wearing individuals who need to stay late and require food. They must balance processed people against a scanner to avoid being fired. A party of 15 people is present, but the single scanner is broken. The location will be open for the next 14 days.

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The speaker works remotely and attends monthly happy hours. At the first happy hour, the speaker realized that everyone was either gay, lesbian, or in a toxic relationship. The speaker's office has a coloring wall due to boredom. They have been doing training and giving each other fake accomplishment letters. The speaker describes spending two weeks doing basic security checks, which they believe was a waste of time. The speaker says they are considered immigration enforcement, which should exempt them from certain things, but this hasn't been explicitly specified. The speaker expresses a lack of trust in the situation and describes feeling exhausted by constant meetings.

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You're legendary for throwing amazing parties. What's your secret? You need beautiful women and men to create a balanced atmosphere. Take care of the ladies; they need to feel appreciated. Also, you need a variety of alcohol, not just one type. Make sure to have water available, as many women prefer it at parties. Keep the vibe lively—no air conditioning! The heat helps everyone feel more relaxed and comfortable, creating a more intimate atmosphere. It’s all about setting the right mood and ensuring everyone has what they need to enjoy themselves.

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Sam, you've been quiet. Can you share something? My phone battery drains quickly, and it’s frustrating. That seems trivial. I felt my vote didn’t count on Tuesday. Is that about The Voice? I lost a family member recently, which is tough. I got locked out of my Tubi account, and my mom’s name is Tubi. That’s a grief gasm. I just had one, and my phone’s dying. Catherine, do you want to share? My dog died, and it hit me hard because I adopted him during a tough time. Samuel, let her speak. I’m sober, but I bought a bottle of booze last Saturday and can’t stop staring at it. Just let her talk. I have my own trauma; my wife exploded on Christmas Eve. That’s the most boring story ever.

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It's the last show before Christmas! How will you spend the holidays? I'm excited because I'm with my new guy. Me too! What's he like? He's special—my boyfriend is Santa! He knows when I'm sleeping and treats me right. When I'm naughty, he thinks it's nice. I love when we jump in a sleigh and he takes me to the North Pole. He enjoys my milk and cookies, and while others put up stockings, he's taking mine down. Santa keeps me warm in the winter snow, and I don’t mind when he sees me in my pajamas. He promised he wouldn't leave me. They always promise, and it usually works out, right?

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We are setting up Christmas decorations for 2020. We place an ethnically accurate Jesus next to Father Mary and Mother Josephine. The three wise people, who are genderless, ride bird scooters. Tig Notaro is also included for some reason. Lastly, we have a little drummer.

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At the holiday party, an awkward moment arose when Mark mistakenly questioned the dynamics of David's relationship with his husband. Charlie humorously defended himself, recalling a past comment about being straight but jokingly suggesting he could serve as a Christmas tree. The conversation turned to Charlie's questionable behavior, including accusations of stealing a vending machine and misusing the CFO's credit card for OnlyFans accounts. It was revealed that Charlie's real name is Ricky Lamont, and he had a warrant out for making fake e-bike batteries that caused fires. Despite the chaos, the group shared laughs over the absurdity of the situation.

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Welcome to Santa's Village! This year, we have two Santas to choose from. Which one would you like for a cherished photo? We want to see the white Santa, please. Why two Santas? It cuts the wait time in half. What should grandma do with the picture? We just remembered we're Jewish. Hi, we're here to meet Santa. You can choose between two equally qualified Santas. One Santa is busy, while the other is on a Zoom meeting. I’ll wait for the busy one. I’ll choose the Black Santa. Please don’t call me Blanta. It’s embarrassing that some can’t imagine Santa as anything but a straight white man. Well, you’re in luck! Here’s Santa number three. Hi! Ho ho ho!

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Every morning at 6 AM, you wake up to your alarm, alone. Some jobs treat workers like slaves. The boss's favorite employees get the spacious spots, while the least liked get small cubicles or end up in the basement. It's a safety compensation and you're just skating by, always waiting for that paycheck. But after twelve months, you still haven't been paid. Here's an optimistic way of thinking: If you're late today, you're just earning time for tomorrow. Most nine-to-five jobs are tough because the job description doesn't match the actual work.

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It's Christmas, and we have a tradition of sharing jokes live on air that we haven't seen before. I’m concerned about reading potentially offensive jokes, so I’ll try to navigate that carefully. The first joke touches on Kamala Harris's support for reparations, humorously suggesting that white people deserve their money back for runaway slaves. Another joke discusses how women are more likely to orgasm when in tune with their bodies. There’s a playful jab at Scarlett Johansson for her 40th birthday and a joke about having a child together. The segment continues with various humorous remarks, including a joke about Costco removing roast beef sandwiches. In closing, we wish everyone a good night.

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I got the camo for your sister and a cookbook for my mom, but they didn't have Sadie's size. I'll check another store. Excuse me, miss? You dropped this. Thank you, and Merry Christmas! What should we get him? A fresh start? Maybe a watch to complete the look. Why are you doing this for me? Everyone deserves a gift at Christmas. It's just to help you get back on your feet. Where are you? I'm at dinner. Your girl is with me now, talking about getting a hotel. That's not what I said! Guess what time it is? Who am I speaking to? I'm Ricardo, the reigning champ of the knockout day. Give me the phone! I made a Christmas mistake and I'm coming home now. Did you see what happened to the gentleman I was with? Yes, he went to get your car from the valet. Happy holidays!

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I made you into a Simpsons character using an app called Simsify. That's hilarious! Thank you, Trevor. It's the best gift ever. Next, I opened my gift—a jump rope. I panicked, but I like it, even if I can't use it for a while. What would my job be in Springfield? Maybe you're the medical director. Wrong! I'm a dance teacher at Bart's school, and he likes me because I see potential in him. I opened tampons—great, now I won't have to buy new pants. I'd avoid Homer; he's not a good guy. I think he hits Marge. In my episode, Bart comes to my dance class upset, so I go to Marge and realize she's been hurt. I decide to find Homer, probably at Moe's with Barney.

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Thank you, everyone! It's the big SNOW Christmas show, and I can't believe the holidays are here. I'm grateful to Lorne Michaels for hosting tonight. This is my fifth time hosting, and I’m excited to join the five-timers club. The holidays can be stressful, but I have a solution! Gather around, everyone. Christmas can feel overwhelming, but we can lighten the mood. Let’s sing about needing a new prescription to cope with holiday stress. It’s all about finding joy and managing anxiety. So, remember, take care of yourselves, and don’t forget to ask for help if you need it. We have a great show tonight, so stick around!

Armchair Expert

Armchair Expert Holiday Spectacular | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Guests: Jackie Tohn, Hannah Anderson, Kristen Bell
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In this holiday special episode of Armchair Expert, Dax Shepard, Monica Padman, and Wobby Wob reflect on their successful year since launching the podcast on Valentine's Day. They express gratitude for their listeners, affectionately called "arm cherries," who have helped grow their audience. The hosts share their favorite episodes, highlighting guests like Conan O'Brien and David Sedaris for their engaging conversations and unique energy. As the episode progresses, they exchange gifts, including a thoughtful virtual gift card and personalized jackets, which leads to discussions about their favorite meals from live shows and memorable moments from the year. They also reminisce about their live shows, where Dax feels immense joy seeing the audience's love for Monica. The conversation shifts to their Christmas party, featuring guests Jackie Tohn, Kristen Bell, and Hannah Anderson. Jackie shares her experiences on the show Glow, while Kristen discusses her role as a mother and her musical background. Hannah, who gained recognition for her heartfelt performances, reveals her upcoming album and sings a preview of her new song. The group engages in light-hearted banter, singing Christmas carols and discussing their childhood experiences with music and holiday traditions. They touch on the joys of family, the significance of music in their lives, and the importance of inclusivity during the holiday season. The episode concludes with a festive rendition of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," showcasing their camaraderie and musical talents.

Armchair Expert

Holiday Dinner 2025 | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
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The episode unfolds as a festive gathering, with the hosts and a circle of close friends sharing lively stories, playful banter, and candid, often outrageous anecdotes from past dinners and travels. The conversations swing between affectionate teasing and sharp humor as guests recount chaotic holiday memories, awkward family moments, and surprising moments of vulnerability. The tone stays light and improvisational, leaning into the chaos of a buzzing table where everyone contributes a memory, a joke, or a quick dig at a friend, while a gentle undercurrent of warmth and appreciation threads through the dialogue. Across the chatter, relationships—between spouses, parents, and friends—emerge as sources of color, comfort, and occasional friction, all wrapped in a sense of gratitude for the people gathered around the table. The storytelling shifts from uproarious to tender as guests describe meaningful traditions, personal milestones, and the small, imperfect rituals that make celebrations feel intimate rather than performative. The dialogue also dips into observational humor about aging, fashion, and the quirks of a televised life, offering a window into how a group of friends navigates fame, candid confession, and the joy of simply being together during a holiday moment that feels both chaotic and exactly right. The episode culminates in a series of rapid-fire questions that mine taste, memory, and philosophy in equal measure, from favorite holiday feelings to personal substitutions and ethical lines. Throughout, the sense of community remains the through line: people who know each other well enough to push boundaries, forgive quickly, and celebrate the silliness of life while acknowledging its deeper gifts. As the cookies cool and the conversation lingers, the warmth of shared experience anchors the dialogue, reminding listeners that a room full of friends can feel like a sanctuary even when the stories veer into the outrageous. topics otherTopics booksMentioned

Armchair Expert

Armchair Anonymous: Holiday Nightmare | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
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In this holiday-themed episode of Armchair Anonymous, Dax Shepard and guests share their nightmare holiday experiences. Dax recounts a humorous incident involving a Christmas tree that droops unexpectedly, revealing a whimsical Dr. Seuss theme created by his partner, Kristen. The conversation shifts to Emmy, who shares a disastrous Christmas recital story from 2013, where a performance intended to teach compassion backfires when a "bag lady" character steals a purse, leading to chaos and police involvement. Trisha describes her tumultuous Christmas in 2003 with her stepdad, Graham, who, after a meltdown, violently destroys their Christmas tree, mirroring the Grinch's antics. The family laughs off the absurdity of the situation, which ultimately leads to her parents' divorce. Paige shares her experience working at a Santa Shack, where a child's bloody nose turns into a chaotic scene, leaving a trail of blood and panic. Lastly, Casey recounts a mortifying incident from 2007 involving a bathroom mishap during her first Christmas with her boyfriend's family, resulting in blood staining the curtains. Despite the embarrassment, her future mother-in-law finds humor in the situation, and the story ends on a light note, highlighting the bond formed through shared holiday mishaps.

Armchair Expert

Holiday Spectacular 2022 | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
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Dax Shepard shares his deep love for Christmas, reminiscing about childhood memories where his mother went to great lengths to make the holiday special despite financial constraints. He recalls joyful Christmas Eves spent with family, filled with food, stories, and warmth. As an adult, Dax continues to cherish the holiday, finding joy in the traditions, decorations, and the opportunity to spoil loved ones. He appreciates the built-in excuses Christmas provides to pause life's hustle and enjoy what he has. This year, Dax invites listeners to join his holiday work party at DiSanto Botanical Gardens, where friends and family gather to celebrate without any specific agenda. The group enjoys festive drinks, engages in light-hearted banter about Christmas songs, and shares personal anecdotes about their favorite holiday memories and gifts. Dax expresses a sense of melancholy this season, acknowledging that many people feel lonely during the holidays despite the festive atmosphere. The conversation shifts to gift-giving, with humorous exchanges about the challenges and anxieties surrounding it. Dax and his friends share their experiences and thoughts on Christmas traditions, including the joy of giving and receiving presents. They also discuss the importance of creating meaningful moments with children during the holidays, emphasizing the magic of Christmas and the wonder it brings. As the gathering unfolds, the group opens presents, showcasing thoughtful gifts that reflect their relationships. Dax concludes with a heartfelt appreciation for the time spent together, celebrating the spirit of Christmas and the connections that make it special.

Armchair Expert

Armchair Anonymous: Thanksgiving III | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
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Armchair Anonymous’s Thanksgiving III episode whirls through a trio of vividly chaotic holiday disasters, each rooted in different locales yet sharing the same combustible mix of family dynamics, overindulgence, and the unpredictable consequences of hosting a Thanksgiving crowd. The first story unfolds in the Midwest, where a newly bought white-carpeted family home hosts 35 relatives for a day that stretches from noon to a late dinner. An overworked aunt, a boozy uncle who drinks Jack and Diet with Coke, and an entire dining room turned chaos zone culminate in a dramatic vomiting splash that drenches the table and forces a rapid, cleansing purge of the entire dining area. The cleaning efforts—carpets shampooed, food discarded, and the family drama unfolding—coincide with an unraveling marriage that follows in the wake of the incident, underscoring how holiday pressures can fracture longstanding bonds. The second installment pivots to a couple hosting Thanksgiving in a cramped Southern California apartment, where a norovirus outbreak—and its harrowing, tireless cleanup—unravels a one-bedroom dream into a living nightmare. A grandmother’s sudden illness, subsequent vomiting across multiple guests, and a race to isolate, wash, and save leftovers paints a nightmarish picture of a small space becoming a disease epicenter, then a test of resilience for a couple just starting married life. The third tale travels north to Ontario, where a deeply rooted partridge-hunting Thanksgiving festivity blossoms into a spectacle of camping tents, improvised kitchens, and a notorious propane heater mishap. An explosion of gas from a heater ignites a spark that destroys air mattresses, sleeping bags, and a tent, while the rest of the family hunkers down through the night in a muddy, smoky aftermath. Across these stories, listeners are treated to the absurd, the horrifying, and the tender moments when loved ones rally, reflect, and joke their way through things that would break a normal holiday. The hosts tease a broader commentary on planning, improvisation, and the fragile, comedic resilience that sustains families when Thanksgiving goes wildly off-script.

Armchair Expert

Armchair Anonymous: Holiday Nightmare III | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
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The episode centers on a holiday night that spirals into chaos and laughs as three guests share Christmas memories from their own families. The host banter blends with a vivid retelling of a Texas Christmas in Plano, where a routine family gathering devolves into a pepper-sprayed stumble after an overzealous attempt to repel a stray dog. The scene erupts with vertiginous scents, the dog unharmed, and relatives scrambling to contain the moment, turning a joyful holiday into a memorable disaster. Throughout, the family’s warmth remains a throughline, with nurses, cousins, and uncles offering care and comic relief as everyone processes what just happened. A second tale follows when a 19-year-old narrator joins a newly minted boyfriend’s family for Christmas. The evening slides from festive drinking to a painful incident in the back of a car, where fear, discomfort, and awkward questions collide. The aftermath—an ankle twisted in the rush to exit an embarrassing moment, a relative stepping in to help, and a church the next day—transforms a shy attempt at bonding into a memorable rite of passage that the teen will recall with mortification and affection. The episode frames young adulthood as a series of chaotic traditions, where mishaps become bonds and the family’s carefree spirit endures amid injury and embarrassment. In the final stretch, a Georgia couple, a Jewish dad, and a host of relatives recount a Christmas crisis that tests nerves and humor in equal measure. A fender-bender, a feverish infant, COVID fears, and a chain of near-miss misadventures weave together to show how holidays magnify chaos yet reveal resilience and gratitude. The participants lean into storytelling as a way to process stress, find shared laughter, and celebrate the unpredictable warmth of blended families. The night closes with the sense that, despite occasional disasters, the holidays are a chorus of messy love, camaraderie, and the good fortune to be surrounded by people who can laugh at themselves and each other. The episode ultimately feels like a celebration of imperfect, deeply human holiday memories, where missteps, injuries, and near-disasters give rise to connection, humor, and gratitude for the chaos that makes family gatherings unforgettable.

Armchair Expert

Holiday Spectacular 2024 | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Guests: Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Jacob Jeffries, Gabe Gibbs
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The Christmas episode features hosts Dax Shepard and guests Kristen Bell, Anna Kendrick, Jacob Jeffries, and Gabe Gibbs. They discuss their backgrounds, including Gabe's Michigan roots and humorous anecdotes about local landmarks like Big Beaver Road. The group shares their holiday traditions, favorite Christmas songs, and personal stories about memorable gifts from childhood. Gabe showcases his musical talent with comedic interpretations of songs, while Anna and Kristen reflect on their experiences in musical theater. The conversation shifts to holiday decorations, with Anna describing her themed Christmas rooms and the group's playful banter about light preferences. They also engage in a gift exchange, revealing thoughtful presents that highlight their friendships. Gabe shares a song he wrote about the podcast's hosts, and they reminisce about their favorite holiday memories. As the episode progresses, they sing classic Christmas songs, including "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" and "Christmas Time Is Here," while discussing the significance of these traditions. The guests express their love for music and the joy it brings during the holiday season. The episode concludes with heartfelt reflections on the past year and the importance of togetherness, celebrating the spirit of Christmas with laughter and song.

This Past Weekend

Free Magic | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #631
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Theo Von closes out the year with a Christmas-themed stream that blends nostalgia, improvised humor, and offbeat storytelling. He riffs on the spirit of the season, from childhood memories of sneaking downstairs on Christmas Eve to the sensory details that made those nights feel magical. The monologue slides from playful, self-deprecating banter to tender reflection as he describes the glow of the tree, the stockings, and the ritual of waiting for Santa. He weaves in personal quirks and self-aware takes on affection, boundaries, and vulnerability, then pivots to lighter digressions about holiday music, family dynamics, and the imperfect rituals that make the holidays feel real rather than flawless. The show then shifts to calls from listeners, with a mix of humor, heartbreak, and shared experience that underscores how people lean on communal storytelling during a season of memory, forgiveness, and hope. Through a rapid-fire sequence of calls, he and his team explore a spectrum of topics people bring to the hotline: quirky holiday challenges, relationship struggles, and moments of gratitude amid tough situations. The conversations range from practical advice about navigating breakups and unexpected pregnancies to meditations on personal growth, the importance of self-reliance, and the tension between ambition and slowing down. Intertwined are candid anecdotes about marriage proposals that go awry, the chaos and comedy of family life, and the way humor can illuminate difficult feelings. The episode culminates in a sincere, communal send-off: a reminder to celebrate what lasts, to support those serving far from home, and to hold space for both joy and sorrow as the year concludes.

Armchair Expert

Armchair Anonymous: Horrible Boss | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
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In this episode of Armchair Anonymous, hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Monsoon discuss "horrible boss" stories. The first story recounts a fast-food employee's experience with a young manager named Jacob, who later confesses that his wife was the robber during a heist at their restaurant. The second story features a woman who endured a toxic work environment under a boss named Tom, who was verbally abusive and manipulative. After a series of stressful events, including an inappropriate dinner invitation, she quits, only to discover later that he had stolen her identity, opening a credit card in her name. The third story involves a woman working in wildlife documentaries under a difficult executive producer named Miranda, who displayed erratic behavior and made unreasonable demands. Despite the challenges, the narrator perseveres and eventually leaves the job for a healthier work environment. Throughout the episode, the hosts reflect on the absurdity and seriousness of these experiences, highlighting the impact of toxic leadership on employees.
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