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I'm running out of time. You seem to be pro-vaccine but have started a group, Children's Health Defense, which sells baby clothing with anti-vaccine messages, like "unvaxxed, unafraid" for $26. Can you assure us that your organization will stop selling these products? I have no control over that organization; I resigned from the board. You founded it just a few months ago. Are you supportive of these onesies? I support vaccines and want good science. Will you tell your organization to stop selling those items?

In all your years in the industry, have you ever sexually harassed anyone by grabbing them against their will? No, never. But there were some hesitant individuals. Have you sexually harassed anyone? What are you implying, Howard? Could it be that you persuaded someone who was hesitant by giving them a gentle squeeze? More than gentle. Translation: Have you ever sexually harassed someone by grabbing them against their will in all your years in the industry? No, never. But there were some hesitant individuals. Have you sexually harassed anyone? What are you implying, Howard? Could it be that you persuaded someone who was hesitant by giving them a gentle squeeze? More than gentle.

Senator Warren, I'm curious about your financial background. How did you manage to accumulate a $12 million net worth while earning a $200,000 salary in Congress? Could you explain how you achieved that? Excuse me, I'm simply asking a question and would appreciate it if you didn't obstruct my camera. We are on a public sidewalk.

Did you coach a parent on how their biological son could spend the night in hotel rooms with girls during field trips? No, that did not happen.

How are you doing? You can just leave. Jumping to name-calling already? That was the slowest sprint ever. Trump is 70; he doesn’t need to be chased. We need to chase out bad people. You probably couldn’t catch a tortoise. Trump reminds me of my family members with dementia. What about Biden? Biden reminds me of myself; he’s not demented. You think Biden can speak well? Yeah, he stutters but can form sentences. What about him falling on the stairs? I’ve fallen on stairs too. If I’m too drunk, I shouldn’t be president. I’m not running for president. Neither should Trump; he’s showing signs of dementia. What if he decides to nuke China? I don’t have the nuclear codes. That could lead to World War 3. No one on the Democrat side is threatening that; it’s Trump who does.

Are you going to cover the Diddy scandal in your stand-up routine? Have you thought about how to approach it? I probably won't. Why not? It's about family. If he's convicted, would you consider it then? No. So you think Diddy is completely off-limits? Yeah, that's right. Alright, thanks. How are you doing?

The speaker discusses the composition of the house and senate, and then expresses a controversial opinion about abortion. They suggest that everyone in a particular room should be made to lick a full-term aborted baby to understand the consequences of their beliefs.

The speaker questions a senator's qualifications to vote against Pete Hegseth, given the senator allegedly lied about their own military service. The speaker directly asks the senator if they would like to answer the question.

So, you called Elon Musk a fascist and implied he's a national security threat. But is that really more of a threat than, say, sleeping with a Chinese spy? What's fascistic about exposing government corruption? I know you just had dinner with lobbyists, and I heard you like to be with only attractive people. So, do you want to comment on any of this? You think Elon Musk is a national security threat, but you sleeping with a Chinese spy isn't? You don't want to comment on that at all? Looks like guilty is charged.

If we were playing a drinking game every time someone said "if" or "Hunter," I'd be drunk by now. I'm curious, to understand your ruling, if someone on this committee starts talking about someone's "bleach blonde, bad built butch body," that wouldn't be engaging in personalities, correct? It sounds like you need to know math to be with the IRS. I agree. Right now, they're peddling Russian lies. Republicans have become synonymous with Russians. When I ask a question, that's when you answer. Otherwise, I'm talking, because it's my time. You'll know when I ask a question, I promise. No, because this is what... I'm trying to get directions, but I can't hear you with your yelling. Can you please calm down? Y'all are out of control.

She's the people, the sex on the popcorn. The cops are at the house. You shouldn't hold office in a republic if you're an open communist. This guy's a minor, attractive person, aren't you? And that drag queen's a little kid. That's a nice star. Why don't you pay your fair share?

If all Latinos are removed from the country, who will clean your toilets, Donald Trump? That's a big no. You know what I mean?

- The speaker suggests that becoming an astronaut is possible by studying flying or science, implying you could someday be the first astronaut to walk on the moon, but then challenges that claim by saying there already was an astronaut who first walked on the moon, stating “Well, no. Not really. That wasn't real.” - The speaker asserts that during the Cold War, in order to beat the Russians, the moon landing was faked, claiming that “That never happened.” - The speaker draws attention to a wreckage image, asking, “See how there's no windows on the side and see underneath where there's like a pod thing? What's that?” - The speaker describes a wreckage observation: “Take a look at this wreckage. See how there's no plane parts on the ground there? What does that look like? A metho.” - The speaker asserts that President Bush was in a secret Yale society called the Skull and Bones, and that his dad was in it too, and that they all worshiped Satan. - The speaker asks, “President Bush worshiped Satan?” and answers, “In my personal opinion, absolutely.”

If I were president, I would demand the Anthony Weiner laptop and have it examined by trusted experts. New York police officers who saw some of its contents were so disturbed that they had to vomit.

Senator Booker, do you remember me? Did Lauren Marshawn write your tweets since you're a client of Effective Campaigns? Can you answer that, Samuel Booker?

I reject your question about why I would expect an underqualified retired lieutenant general to be the next chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Next question please.

A person asked a congresswoman if she would apologize for racist rhetoric inferring that white men should be put on a terror watch list solely based on their skin color. The person asked if she truly thinks white men are the greatest terror threat facing America.

I squeak like a chirping grasshopper or a squeaky screen door. I want to be a backup girl. What's wrong with Justin's hair? We need a global movement. Men think we go from oral to anal, but I don't anymore. I think about Lisa and horses. Welcome back. Kader is spelled k h a d r. Omar Connery has more class than the entire cabinet. Thank you.

Thanks for having me, Colin. By the way, my eyes are down here. So, I’m glad about the ruling in the UK that makes bald jokes off-limits. I’m tired of them! I’ve heard all the jokes, like how my head looks like an old spice deodorant when I wear a red turtleneck. Once, during jury duty with other bald men, the defendant joked we looked like a carton of eggs. And yes, I lotion my head because it gets dry. You probably make insensitive jokes, like asking if the carpet matches the drapes. No, it’s actually quite hairy down there! All this talk is making me sweaty. I dare you to laugh! By the way, I’m also impotent. Don’t laugh. Just go away.

Did you give Mrs. Willis the double shocker and then drill her while shouting, "We're gonna get Trump"? No.

If you had to choose to be stuck in an elevator with either President Trump, Mike Pence, or Jeff Sessions, who would it be? Would one of us have to come out alive?

Senator Brown, will you apologize to the people of Ohio for impeaching President Trump?

Nikki Haley, a Republican candidate, suggests mental competency tests for politicians over 75. The idea is dismissed as ridiculous. The speaker's husband has not considered taking such a test and would never discuss it.

I'm just heading to the bathroom. What are you doing in the girl's bathroom? I'm a trans girl. But, you're not a girl. Oh, we're doing all of this now. Interesting. I've never heard of this before, and I don't know what to say. I'm sorry you feel that way. I pay a lot of money to feel safe in the bathroom. Me too. Excuse me. Weird. Do you think that's okay?

I think we should get the homicide out of the White House, we don't want any more murderers. Let's just go on to the next question. You're not talking about losing accusations. That's a little too far, let's just go on to the next question. This is not the place to make those accusations and you're supposed to be funny. I thought it was a matter of record. You will not be invited back if you don't shut up. Let's talk football. Where did you ever hear the word, bonus raise, he's my hero, you know, just like you. There's no stopping you, is there? His career is over after this. We're on the millionaire today. People always told me Hollywood was incredibly liberal and biased and I thought it was untrue about it. You have 10 sons, you're not allowed to tell anything like that. He doesn't answer anything anyway. He's on the millionaire tonight.