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Speaker: Hello? Oh my goodness. Take off your pants. Can you not touch it? No, don't touch it.

I have something in my pants and you have 10 seconds to guess what it is by feeling on the outside. You can use two hands. Maybe it would be easier if you used your mouth. Are you 18? Good. Uncle Jimmy doesn't need to go to jail. You'll make a fine wife. I think I wore rubber underpants. Your guess is a vibrator? No, it's actually a zucchini with a rubber band on it. It can be used as a substitute if you want. This is a fun game.

At 34 years old, I find it interesting to experience a second puberty with the advantages of wisdom, experience, and freedom from parental control. I can indulge in my love for horses without any restrictions. There's this guy named Carmine who was turned into a horse by an evil witch. He's waiting for true love's first kiss to break the spell. I have filled a book with other horse characters, but I have to hurry to my clarinet lessons, so I can't show them to you now.

I sat down and had a conversation where someone asked if I touched family members. I said yes.

My mom sent her art. I saw her through the window. I don't want to be a sex educator, just don't want to give kids porn in school. Miami is great, but there are concerns about bad weather. Criticizing gender affirming procedures versus cosmetic surgeries. I keep my house warm, people joke I'm a lizard person. I don't disclose my age online. I'm not trying to ban any books.

I'm about to come, I promise. Speak up. When I hop out, I promise to make a scene.

I can't feel my legs. Go back. I can't see my legs. You're okay.

I want to tell you about a girl named Keisha. She has a large rear end and I want to have sex with her quickly. Let's go.

I sit on the stand and it gets hot. I have hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun. Kids used to rub my leg in the pool and watch the hair come back up. I learned about roaches and kids jumping on my lap. I love kids jumping on my lap.

He complimented my stomach. He wants to dive deep like scuba. Thankful for my body. Praise the Lord. He makes me wet. I make him hard. We get lost in each other's passion. He likes my stomach.

At 15 years old, I met Oprah Winfrey for the first time. I was taken to a house where she gave me a pill and we kissed. She told me to have sex with someone who moves money. I was high by the time I got to him. She complimented my smile and asked me to call her Auntie. Another girl from my school, Carter High School, was there too, but she was sent to a different room.

I used to be human, but I still am. Being human means that certain things will bother you.

When you turn 16, you can have this. And when you turn 18, you'll get a mansion. You smell great. How old are you? What music do you listen to? I feel violated. Can you say it again? You have nice lips. Can you give me the sex talk? Why are you involving me in this? It's a 15-year-old's dream. I have temporary custody of Usher for the next 48 hours. We're going crazy.

I used to be a wrestler, and I still am. I am feared in every girl's school in this country.

I haven't taken a cognitive test and I don't see the point in taking one. It's important to have the television and record player on at night. Call Joe at 3033 for my physical and mental health. It helps me sleep with my wife. I don't understand why men are afraid, but I have Lana and hairy legs.

Put it up in the fucking scaffolding. I'll make sure I don't know. Yes. Shit. It's warm.

I used to feel closed off from the world, but at 11, everything changed. Kids at school, mostly boys, started noticing me. Even the girls paid attention. The long walk to school became enjoyable as people honked and waved. The world felt friendlier and more open during a heatwave.

They have bad thoughts and disobey their mothers, so they have to be punished. But what do their mothers know anyway? They were out all night with Uncle Rudy, but he's not my uncle. Why does she call him my uncle? This week in People, meet girl crazy doctor Jacob Hoffretz, the one in a trillion obstetrician whose favorite color just has to be pink. Also in People, Martina Navratilova's new travel companion. PEOPLE celebrates PEOPLE.

I squeak like a chirping grasshopper or a squeaky screen door. I want to be a backup girl. What's wrong with Justin's hair? We need a global movement. Men think we go from oral to anal, but I don't anymore. I think about Lisa and horses. Welcome back. Kader is spelled k h a d r. Omar Connery has more class than the entire cabinet. Thank you.

Thanks for having me, Colin. By the way, my eyes are down here. So, I’m glad about the ruling in the UK that makes bald jokes off-limits. I’m tired of them! I’ve heard all the jokes, like how my head looks like an old spice deodorant when I wear a red turtleneck. Once, during jury duty with other bald men, the defendant joked we looked like a carton of eggs. And yes, I lotion my head because it gets dry. You probably make insensitive jokes, like asking if the carpet matches the drapes. No, it’s actually quite hairy down there! All this talk is making me sweaty. I dare you to laugh! By the way, I’m also impotent. Don’t laugh. Just go away.

I sit on the stand, and it gets hot. I have hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun. Kids would come up to the pool, rub my leg, and watch the hair come back up. This experience taught me about roaches. I also enjoyed when kids jumped on my lap.

I impress on the steppers and don't need smoke. Crushing this streak, pushing a big body, smoking packs on packs, falling asleep.

I sit on the stand and it gets hot. I have hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun. Kids used to rub my leg down in the pool to straighten the hair. I learned about roaches and kids jumping on my lap. I enjoy when kids jump on my lap.

Get on the ground! I'm a feminist, and I won't be caught. I'm tired and hot; don't taste me. My safe word is pineapple juice. Cross your ankles and bring them up; we're taking pictures. Oh, that's cute! Watch your hands; that's my lighter, but it doesn't work. Don't do drugs, kids. Those are my quarters—some are limited edition. And that's my flash drive; don’t look unless you want to see something inappropriate. Be careful with my wallet. And watch your fingers, buddy! No wonder you two are together; you’re into some weird stuff. What's your safe word?

I did some bad things to kids, and if anyone finds out, I'm in big trouble. I'm currently stationed in Hawaii. I remember this one time, Eddie was 15, and I brought him into a bar with a mask. We all hooked up with him. I was also raped by my brother when I was seven and he was 20. I think that had a lot to do with me being gay. I was told I wanted every man I could get because I wanted to get back at someone. The youngest guy I ever got with was 12, but I won't tell you how old I was because I would go to jail.