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My wife wanted to share a Spanish life hack with you all. I'd like you to meet my second wife, who is also a friend. Welcome!

You turned 30! How was the party? I wasn't invited. Actually, you were invited. Last time I was on the show, you mentioned not being invited, but I didn't know you wanted to come. Who wouldn't want to be invited to a party? I didn't realize you liked me. Of course I like you! You've been on the show many times. I did invite you, but you didn't come. This time you invited me? Are you sure? Yes, ask Jonathan, your producer. I wasn't invited either. Why didn't I go? I don't know.

I've got your phone, Richard. I said your name because I'm a genius! Want it back? Finding the right credit card is genius too. NerdWallet does the research for you. Pretty cool, huh? Wait, you use credit cards? We don't. But you, Nerd!

I only want you, Pookie. To get over a breakup, get under someone else. Clean this side well. What's one move in bed that pleases a man?

I'm so busy that I forget to eat. I'll get a headache and realize it's 6 PM and I haven't had anything all day. It's not just me working hard, it's my whole team. I've got Chad Myzel, Amel, Todd Blanche, and Kash Patel now too. They better watch out.

I received a beat from a girl who can have sex all night. I called my friends to ask which park they were playing basketball at. Put me on the court and I'll dominate, just like MJ.

Let's get this straight: my best friend, Girl, versus my best friend, Brad. Hi, I'm Brad, and yes, I can read. So, Brad, you're beat? Dinner's on you! Perfect! That's what I'm talking about.

Taylor, it's done. Just wanted to check in. I know losing isn't your usual experience. You should've voted more like Patrick's wife. Britney, be quiet. Travis is secretly pleased, and so is his brother, though he's a bit upset. He smashed the phone. It's tough to have your temper exposed publicly.

I can't wait to debate the guy from middle America, if he shows up.

I'm smiling at you, do you have phlegm? Join in, kids. This is my college roommate from T Lakehead. We're Lakers. We're wearing...

I have a higher IQ than you. I went to law school on a full academic scholarship, but ended up in the bottom two-thirds of my class in the first year. However, I decided to stay and eventually ended up in the top half of my class. I won the International Moot Court Competition and was recognized as the outstanding student in the political science department. I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate school. Newsweek states that I actually went to school on a half scholarship, ranked 76th in a class of 85 at law school, and only obtained one degree. I now admit that my memory failed me.

Guys. You're gonna be reading this. You will. They're be reading this. This. That's cool.

Hi! Oh, snap. I tend to win it. Yeah, I'm not coming back this way. I think we're in your car.

I don't see you at parties anymore. You seem comfortable here, we're having a good time, life is beautiful, birds are singing, and we're going to kick your ass, that's for sure.

Come on, leave the shape of the world to the men? Absolutely not! I got into Harvard Law. What, like it's hard? Sir, what's your group name? The Click? Is that Click or Clique? Click. Let's do it.

I was set up on a blind date by my best friend, who insisted I go out with this guy without Googling him. She can be very bossy, as best friends often are. Despite her request, I ended up Googling him anyway.

I used to be a wrestler, and I still am. I am feared in every girl's school in this country.

Did you see the Oscars? Kate Winslet won for The Reader, where I play a guy hung up on an affair with a Nazi, played by Winslet. But, I don't get it. Why am I so tormented? It's Kate Winslet! Okay, I'm Jewish, but I'd still have sex with a hot Nazi. Everyone would. But not me, Ray Fiennes. I'm all tortured and pained. Get over yourself!

Let's get this straight: my best friend, Girl, versus my best friend, Brad. Hi, I'm Brad. Yes, *I* can read. So, Brad, are you ready to be defeated at dinner? That's the spirit!

I just want to win. Hey, pass the weed. I just got it.

Cool. Everyone's on thin ice. Don't cause trouble, Chad. Leave him alone! Check out the new girl...ew, what's she wearing? Girls *do* play football where I'm from. Think fast! Right in the Jimmy Johnson! This isn't over! Let's settle this: our best guy versus your best guy. I'm Brad. I can read! You got folded, Brad. Dinner! Okay, that's what I'm talking about.

The people here are smart. I'm running against someone with a low IQ.

I am someone important, but you're not smart enough to know who I am yet. Soon, you will find out. It's very easy, but there's a lot of entitlement. Trust me, I'm even better than that. The entitlement, guys.

She took it from the new kid, bro. Oh, shit. Get it, kid. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. This is not your ticket. Bring your glasses on.

I am someone important, but you are not smart enough to know who I am yet. Soon you will find out. It's really easy, but the entitlement is strong. Trust me, I am much better than that. The entitlement, guys.