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The speaker compliments Catherine's ears and mentions that they love them. They also mention that Catherine has a beautiful name, which happens to be the same as their mother's name. The speaker then asks Catherine her age, to which she responds that she is 17, while the speaker reveals that they are just 16 years old.

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Speaker 0 asks Speaker 1 for help in the garden, but Speaker 1 refuses. Speaker 2 suggests that Speaker 1 should make some popsicles, to which Speaker 0 sarcastically suggests that Speaker 1 should stick their face in the freezer. Speaker 1 expresses discomfort being alone with a married man, and Speaker 0 responds by saying they would rather kiss an octopus. Speaker 1 claims to have won a contest and demands money, but Speaker 0 denies any knowledge of it. They exchange insults, with Speaker 0 calling Speaker 1 ugly and Speaker 1 calling Speaker 0 a criminal. Speaker 0 mocks Speaker 1's appearance and they part ways.

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The speaker expresses gratitude and acknowledges their wife. They interact with someone in the audience and then proceed to talk about their mother. There is a brief interruption to adjust the camera. The speaker mentions a lollipop and continues speaking to someone off-camera. They ask a child their age and mention the challenges they face. The speaker shares a preference for children over adults and asks if anyone knows what their father used to say.

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The speaker states they will kiss the president, then speculates the president likely doesn't want to kiss their "stupid old face."

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The speaker asks for the listener's opinion on someone, specifically if they find that person attractive or not. They suggest taking another look to form an opinion.

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The speaker makes inappropriate comments about someone's kiss and body. They also make crude remarks about a 12-year-old girl and suggest she dance on a table. The speaker then asks someone to breastfeed and comments on the amount of milk. They request someone to breastfeed with another person named Shauna.

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The speaker instructs someone to stand next to them and asks the people in the back to spread out. They mention a toy and ask someone to smile, but then correct themselves and say no smiling until they're 30. The speaker addresses someone named Angel and asks their age, to which Angel responds 12. The speaker comments on how tough Angel and their friends have it and refers to them as "sister."

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The speaker compliments Catherine's ears and mentions that they love them. They also mention that Catherine has a beautiful name, which happens to be the same as their mother's name. The speaker then asks Catherine her age, to which she responds that she is 17, while the speaker reveals that they are just 16 years old.

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Speaker 0 compliments someone's hair and mentions their grandma having similar hair. They ask if the person is attending a festival and make a rude comment about their appearance. Another person interrupts and expresses interest in procreating to continue their lineage. They inquire about the person having "Ginger Poops" and offer to adopt them if they visit Russia.

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The speaker finds someone or something "adorable" and "cute." They mention almost falling, seemingly in reaction to the subject's cuteness. The speaker recalls being mad that someone got fresh air without them. They then instruct someone to put a smiley face up. The speaker repeats their sentiments, finding the subject "adorable" and "cute."

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I start kissing them, like a magnet. When you're a star, you can do anything, even grab them. Over the last million years, this has been mostly true. Do you see yourself as a star? I think you can say that. Translation (if needed): I start kissing them, like a magnet. When you're a star, you can do anything, even grab them. Over the last million years, this has been mostly true. Do you see yourself as a star? I think you can say that.

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Speaker 0 expresses a desire to protect someone from experiencing hardships they've faced. Speaker 0 then states feeling violated. Speaker 1 compliments Speaker 0's scent and asks their age. Speaker 0 is 16, turning 17 in two weeks. Speaker 1 says they never smelled that good at 16. Speaker 0 asks if the other would rather be naked on stage during a song or drink blended worms. Speaker 0 says they have young fans and can't give a sex talk, noting they never received one. Speaker 0 asks why a 15-year-old boy would want a sex talk from them, expressing discomfort. Speaker 0 suggests discussing the album, noting the other person hasn't been calling or hanging out like before, and has tried contacting them through partners.

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Paul Meskel is hosting, and there's a humorous exchange about his appeal. The conversation shifts to expressing admiration for each other, leading to playful banter about moving in together. There's a suggestion of a deeper connection, with one party jokingly referring to themselves as "Daddy," while the other contemplates a life together in a cabin. They envision a simple, loving life, but acknowledge potential challenges from outsiders. The tone remains light-hearted, with a mix of affection and absurdity, culminating in a whimsical farewell.

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When you turn 16, you can have this. And when you turn 18, you'll get a mansion. You smell great. How old are you? What music do you listen to? I feel violated. Can you say it again? You have nice lips. Can you give me the sex talk? Why are you involving me in this? It's a 15-year-old's dream. I have temporary custody of Usher for the next 48 hours. We're going crazy.

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I would like to thank everyone for their trust and support. First and foremost, I want to thank my wife. We have a playful interaction, joking about whether we have met before. We then have a lighthearted exchange about putting something away and a comment about my mom loving it. We involve a child named Angel, asking her to hold something and taking pictures. We make a comment about not smiling until you're thirty and ask Angel her age. She says she's twelve. We mention that our show is challenging and express a preference for kids over pizza. The video ends with a mention of "Grandpa's."

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Speaker 0 compliments the child, calling them "1 sexy kid." Speaker 1 warns the child not to tell their mother about what was said. Speaker 1 then realizes they are being recorded and stops speaking.

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Speaker 0 expresses dislike for kissing Brad Pitt, despite loving him. They feel it's awkward and inappropriate due to their age. Samantha disagrees and would gladly kiss Brad Pitt, appreciating his qualities. Speaker 1 interrupts to show the role of seat fillers, causing confusion about their relationship with one. The video ends with congratulations to the Governor's Awards honorees.

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The speaker acknowledges the topic “with children,” then says “they're hotter,” follows with “Let's fucking go,” and asserts, “That's why we love them. That's why we love this guy.”

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The speaker comments on a girl's attractiveness and questions the listener's sanity for not finding her attractive. The speaker believes that the girl is fashionable and asks the listener to look at themself.

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Speaker 0 asks Angel, who is 12 years old, how she is doing. He mentions not smiling until she's 30. Speaker 1 talks about liking kids more than adults. They discuss getting someone to do something. Speaker 0 mentions grandpa and what his dad used to say to his granddaughter.

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I would like to thank my wife for her trust and support. We have a lot of gratitude to express. There is a playful interaction between the speakers, with some jokes and banter. They mention a gift that was well-received by the speaker's mother. They talk about taking a photo and ask a child some questions. The child is 12 years old and they discuss the challenges of their show. One of the speakers mentions liking kids more than pizza. The transcript ends with a mention of "Grandpa's."

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You were asked to rate the speaker on a scale of 1 to 10 and you said 8. The speaker seemed surprised and mentioned wanting to kiss you.

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The speaker recalls meeting her future husband. She and other girls were standing around when a group of football players approached. One of the players told her to get off a light post, warning she might get shocked. She says she likely flirted with him, despite being trained not to. She became interested in him and learned his name, initially thinking it was Edgar. He would watch her practice piano. They were introduced within a week. The speaker says he claimed to love classical music, likely to attract her, but she was already attracted to him. She recalls him telling her that she was wearing too much.

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A person attempts to get a girl's number, stating that they think she is cute. The person then jokingly asks if she wants to get married and have babies. Someone off-screen says to do a wheelie for her.

This Past Weekend

Chris Distefano 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #265
Guests: Chris Distefano
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The episode features Theo Von hosting Chris Distefano on History Hyenas, mixing memories from their Opie and Anthony days with current careers, live shows, and a steady stream of jokes. They open with the Carl Ruiz story—the Mad Cuban—recounting rumors that his wife left him for a busboy, that he moved to the woods, lived on Big Macs drenched in syrup, and that he died while opening a Midtown restaurant; they note his generous heart, his role as a stepfather, and the bittersweet tragedy of Greek-like storytelling. They joke about his notorious breath and Zen dip packs while paying tribute, and they recall the big Cuban’s warmth and the family he left behind. They shift to Chris’s recent shows in Cleveland, where Theo recounts the surge in followers after their cross-pollination, and where Chris explains that his weekend gate grew from 99,000 to 139,000 followers in a single week, turning those fans into ongoing History Hyenas listeners. They discuss how podcasts now drive growth more than television, and how Chris’s Instagram and Theo’s platform helped expand both careers, with fans often discovering them via the podcast and sticking around for live shows and the Hyenas brand. They riff about fashion and body bits—fingers, bangs, thong toe sandals—and then anchor on the road team: Ari Mantis, Don DePeda, and Sergio Chico, highlighting Sergio’s ten-year sobriety, his boxing coaching, Don’s drinking, and the importance of a steady crew for mental health on tour. They describe the pressure in larger venues, the fear of fainting during a set, and how honesty with the crowd—together with nets and a loyal crew—helps them navigate anxiety while preserving spontaneity. A fan asks for an authentic New York experience; Theo and Chris suggest walking through Brooklyn, hitting Joe’s Pizza, strolling the Brooklyn Bridge, and visiting family in Staten Island, while also acknowledging safety and the city’s rough edges, all delivered with their signature blend of warmth and bravura. They cover Brad Williams’s Kaiden GoFundMe, its initial $10,000 goal, the flood of donations to about $460,000 after celebrity attention, and Kaiden’s family’s decision to donate excess to charity rather than take a Disneyland trip; they describe GoFundMe’s vetting and the distribution of funds to six charities in the US and Australia, with the remainder going to Kaiden’s family. They note currency, share the charities, and applaud the generosity that will support anti-bullying and anti-racism work across two countries, then close with Chris’s touring schedule and a plug for History Hyenas’ live dates and Gramercy Theatre shows, plus a nod to future Vancouver, Boston, Raleigh, Philadelphia, Seattle, Portland dates and more. They wrap with playful, candid banter about sexuality, the show’s hustle, and their affection for each other, ending on a warm, real note about their friendship and the work ahead.
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