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My friends are affected by climate change, but they're fortunate to have received vaccinations. I've made money from vaccinating livestock. Let's have a party tonight, but you'll need a vaccine pass. We've booked a DJ who will play PC Christmas songs. The dress code is latex puppy headwear. We're facing multiple health issues like COVID, flu, and monkeypox. We need a lockdown until we have a booster vaccine. Vaccinating against gullibility will help people wake up. The vaccines may not always work. I'm excited for the new year and the new climate laws. Merry Christmas to everyone.

You're all set for room 237. Enjoy your stay! I'm looking for the secret Hollywood Republican meeting. It's down the hall to your right. Hi, I'm Kira, new here to meet like-minded people. I have a black friend named Justin. Oh, okay. I also have a black friend. I'm Keith, and I love Kanye West. I took a hip hop class once. I'm Rick, and I saw Dave Chappelle last night. I know what you're trying to do; we can talk about anything else. I'll have a strawberry margarita. Isn't it crazy that LA wants to reinstate mask mandates? Yes, the pandemic is over. Did you take a selfie with me to prove there’s a black person here? No. I heard about this place from my conservative coworker. I love black people; I have a black friend named Justin. Oh, so you're their black friend? No, I just met them once. Hi, I'm Kira, and I have a gay friend. I'm not gay.

Get a rainbow! I'm like a guy. Angry Michael, I’ll call the cops. You won’t do anything. I just stepped on your jacket, Michael. What’s up with that? It’s crazy. What do you think of Michael Jackson, people? You look alike!

Speaker 0 tells Speaker 1, "Ain't that right, you smelly nigga?" Speaker 0 says he has more jokes for Speaker 1's New Year's Eve party and that Whoopi wrote them. Speaker 0 asks, "What do you call a black rocket scientist?" and answers, "A nigga," attributing the joke to Whoopi. Speaker 0 says his mother worked in blackface. Speaker 0 tells Speaker 1 to give a kiss to "smelly cock raccoon." Speaker 0 calls Speaker 1 a "smelly nigga," claiming Whoopi wrote it. Speaker 1 says they don't accept that kind of language and will leave if Speaker 0 talks to them that way. Speaker 0 responds, "don't let the door hit you on your big black ass" and then calls Whoopi a "filthy nigga."

I'm calling for Santa's holiday health check. Hello, Doctor Tam. Santa is late for snow yoga with the elves; it’s great for sleigh driving. We’re ready for the holiday season! It’s heartwarming to see everyone, especially kids in Canada, working hard to keep the holidays safe. Every child and their caregivers deserve a place on the nice list, especially with all the illnesses around. Santa and I are healthy and up to date with our vaccinations, including COVID and flu shots. I remind Santa to stay updated on vaccinations, wear a snug mask in crowded places, and wash hands to the tune of "Jingle Bells." Stay home if you're sick, and open windows for fresh air when gathering indoors. The more precautions you take, the safer you are. Happy holidays, everyone!

My child has measles and needs to stay in bed for Christmas. They wrote to Santa asking if he had measles too, hoping he's immune. The doctor came and put a sign on the door, saying no visitors allowed. They suggest Santa come through the chimney to avoid the sign.

Speaker 0: We already have a n-word mayor. We don't need any more n-word big shots. Speaker 1: Poor kids are just as bright and tall as white kids. Speaker 0: The first mainstream African American was clean and nice. Speaker 1: If you have a problem figuring out whether you're premier Trump and you ain't black. Speaker 0: A Black woman helped me stay sequestered by stocking shelves. Speaker 0: Our community is as diverse as the Bronx, Miami, and San Antonio. Speaker 1: The Latino community is incredibly diverse, unlike the African American community. Speaker 1: Cancel it, Miguel. That's how you play.

Speaker 0: Oppose white supremacists. Don't single out the press. Speaker 1: We already have a black mayor. No need for more black big shots. Speaker 0: Determine if you support Trump, you're not black. Can't go to a 711 without an Indian accent. Speaker 2: We used to joke about that, but he was a friend, mentor, and a great guy.

Speaker 0 calls the North Pole for the yearly health check. Speaker 1, Mrs. Claus, says Santa is doing snow yoga with the elves and reindeer. They discuss the holiday season and how everyone in Canada, especially kids, is working hard to keep it safe. Speaker 0 agrees and mentions that every child in Canada has earned a place on the nice list. Speaker 1 says she and Santa are healthy, having received their vaccinations and flu shots. She advises staying up to date on vaccinations, wearing masks in crowded indoor places, and washing hands regularly. Speaker 0 agrees with the advice.

I'm making my annual call to the North Pole for Santa's health check. It's been a tough season with many illnesses around. Fortunately, Santa and I are both in great health and have received our vaccinations, including COVID boosters and flu shots. I always remind Santa to stay on top of his health. First, he should keep his vaccinations updated, and second, he should wear a mask in crowded indoor places.

Have you been a good boy this year? Yes. Incorrect. You are totally depraved and unable to please God. Am I still getting toys? You'll get what you deserve. Hi, Santa. Am I on the nice list? No, you're on the naughty list. You've broken God's commandments every day. But I'm good. No one is good but God alone. Then who's on the nice list? No one. All have sinned. I want a toy track, Minecraft, and Pokémon Violet. You desire these because you love the world apart from God's grace. Why are you so mean? I'm a Calvinist. Oh, that makes sense. I'm not in the mood to debate. Here’s Pokémon Violet. Yay! Merry Christmas! If you're the Santa we hired, then who's that? It's a doctor. You contribute nothing to your salvation. Everyone’s on the naughty list.

It's the last show before Christmas! How will you spend the holidays? I'm excited because I'm with my new guy. Me too! What's he like? He's special—my boyfriend is Santa! He knows when I'm sleeping and treats me right. When I'm naughty, he thinks it's nice. I love when we jump in a sleigh and he takes me to the North Pole. He enjoys my milk and cookies, and while others put up stockings, he's taking mine down. Santa keeps me warm in the winter snow, and I don’t mind when he sees me in my pajamas. He promised he wouldn't leave me. They always promise, and it usually works out, right?

What is your girlfriend's weight? I've never thought about it. Seriously? What size jacket does she wear? Tiny. I need a number to proceed. Okay, it's 85 pounds. Eighty-five? She's that small? What is her race? She got it. How old is she? She's grown. What does she do for work? She's a queen. Any unique features? A beautiful soul. So, authorities will say they’re looking for a tiny 85-pound grown black queen with a beautiful soul? Yes, exactly! And tell her that’s what I said for the poster. So, your girlfriend looks like this? Sorry, that's not right. You forgot her crown.

We are setting up Christmas decorations for 2020. We place an ethnically accurate Jesus next to Father Mary and Mother Josephine. The three wise people, who are genderless, ride bird scooters. Tig Notaro is also included for some reason. Lastly, we have a little drummer.

I like your sign. Are you white? Are you Jewish? Jews aren't white. Why are you holding that sign if you're Jewish? It's racist. Embarrassing. Let me see the sign again.

I saw this spot first! You wish. I swear on my mother! I don't care. My mother is dead. Shame on you. Ugh, I hate this guy. I don't want to see that. These guys like it, though. Shut up! I need this spot; I'm handicapped. That's bull. My blood pressure is high! You're lying. I'm super Christian! Screw you! Don't do two at once. Sorry, it's a habit. Come on, it's almost Christmas! I'm not Scrooge; I have a good heart. Ho ho ho! I didn't know what else to do. If you won't listen to me, maybe you'll listen to my wife. I don't see a wife. Get away, or I will kill you! The spot is all yours, sir. Happy holidays!

Today is gender reassignment day. I’m assigning new genders and pronouns. Jimmy, you’re now she/her. Carlos, you’re Carla, she/they. Rebecca, those shoes are non-binary. Jack, you’re now Jackie, she/her. Everyone at this table is non-binary. Sam, you’re non-binary Sam. Chad, you remain a Chad. Are you all happy with your genders? No? Too bad! For homework, if you’re a guy, listen to Nickelback and Joe Rogan. If you’re a woman, just keep being a woman. Non-binary folks, I expect colored hair by Monday. Thank you!

Around 125 years ago, Coca-Cola was analyzing its sales and noticed people drank Coca-Cola in the summer, a little in the fall and spring, but not in winter. They realized Christmas wasn’t a big focus, and Easter was the more important holiday at the time. Coca-Cola advertisers wondered how to get people to drink Coca-Cola in the winter too and decided to tie Coca-Cola to Christmas. They took Santa Claus—by that point, the Catholic Church had considered decanonizing him for lacking miracles—and merged him with Saint Nick and Kris Kringle. Kris Kringle was a Danish thief who, as a chimney sweep, could pop his shoulders out and fit down a chimney, rob a house, and then work his way back up to leave a clean chimney. They removed Saint Nicholas from the traditional portrayal, who was usually a young man in green and brown, and reimagined him as part of Coca-Cola’s branding. They gave Santa Coca-Cola colors—red and white—and added pink in his skin to maintain those colors, turning him into an old man with white hair. This resulted in Santa Claus appearing on Coca-Cola bottles and cans around Christmas. As a result, Christmas became an emotionally central event, with a mythical figure who drinks a lot of Coca-Cola bringing presents. The shift implied that the average Christian in the United States would now view Christmas as the important Christian holiday. This also pressured other religions to consider which holidays to promote during that time period, such as Hanukkah. Hanukkah, while important, had not previously drawn the same level of focus or energy, and Jewish families with children who wanted a Christmas tree looked for alternatives to compete with the Christmas appeal.

Excuse me, sorry to interrupt. I'm just trying to talk. What do you want to know? So go. What are you doing here then? It's a white country. Well, you hate white people. He makes you...He hates white people, everybody. This man here, he hates white people. That's what you just said. You say you hate white people. This man just said to me that he hates white people. This man, he says he won't talk to me because I'm white. He hates white people. Just go. No. You go away.

Thanks for having me, Colin. By the way, my eyes are down here. So, I’m glad about the ruling in the UK that makes bald jokes off-limits. I’m tired of them! I’ve heard all the jokes, like how my head looks like an old spice deodorant when I wear a red turtleneck. Once, during jury duty with other bald men, the defendant joked we looked like a carton of eggs. And yes, I lotion my head because it gets dry. You probably make insensitive jokes, like asking if the carpet matches the drapes. No, it’s actually quite hairy down there! All this talk is making me sweaty. I dare you to laugh! By the way, I’m also impotent. Don’t laugh. Just go away.

It's Christmas, and we have a tradition of sharing jokes live on air that we haven't seen before. I’m concerned about reading potentially offensive jokes, so I’ll try to navigate that carefully. The first joke touches on Kamala Harris's support for reparations, humorously suggesting that white people deserve their money back for runaway slaves. Another joke discusses how women are more likely to orgasm when in tune with their bodies. There’s a playful jab at Scarlett Johansson for her 40th birthday and a joke about having a child together. The segment continues with various humorous remarks, including a joke about Costco removing roast beef sandwiches. In closing, we wish everyone a good night.

I got the camo for your sister and a cookbook for my mom, but they didn't have Sadie's size. I'll check another store. Excuse me, miss? You dropped this. Thank you, and Merry Christmas! What should we get him? A fresh start? Maybe a watch to complete the look. Why are you doing this for me? Everyone deserves a gift at Christmas. It's just to help you get back on your feet. Where are you? I'm at dinner. Your girl is with me now, talking about getting a hotel. That's not what I said! Guess what time it is? Who am I speaking to? I'm Ricardo, the reigning champ of the knockout day. Give me the phone! I made a Christmas mistake and I'm coming home now. Did you see what happened to the gentleman I was with? Yes, he went to get your car from the valet. Happy holidays!

Speaker 1 has been a helper for five years, with two of those years as a Black Pete. They made the switch to Roetveeg (Sooty) Pete because they started to understand the impact it had on some people. Speaker 0 has been a helper for three years and also started as a Roetveeg Pete. They both agree that Sinterklaas should be a celebration for everyone, not just children, and that everyone should feel comfortable. They are happy with the acceptance they receive now, as some children see the traditional Black Petes as fake. They have heard this sentiment multiple times, even in private settings.

Hey, kids! Who wants to play Guess Who? I don’t like that game; it’s not inclusive. Introducing the new Guess Who, now with 437 genders! Is your person defined by gender? You can’t determine someone's gender by their appearance; that’s offensive. Does your person look like a traditional female? That’s also reductive and patriarchal. This game is for all families, including single, blended, and LGBTQIA+ families, valuing everyone for who they are. But this game has too many pieces! Do you want it easy or inclusive? Inclusive! Guess Who offers hours of fun, promoting a sense of smug satisfaction about being on the right side of history. Oh, and the game company just added 7 more genders and will send new pieces tonight!