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I'm Shane Gillis, fired from this show. I should be a high school football coach. My dad coaches girl's basketball. My mom and I used to be best friends until I discovered masturbation. My family includes members with Down syndrome. My niece, who has Down syndrome, is the best in the family. My sister has 3 adopted black kids, a child with Down syndrome, and an Arab husband. We opened a coffee shop for people with Down syndrome. They hate working there. No difference between us and them. 21 Savage is the guest tonight. Thank you.

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We celebrate the amazing diversity of our school, which includes various identities, orientations, and biological sexes. The handprints you see were inspired by a student gift, representing their introductions and the beautiful diversity of our community. We acknowledge the indigenous realities that have existed here for generations. Let’s continue to learn and teach with pride. See you tomorrow.

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We need to have a conversation about what's preventing us from approaching things differently. Flight operations are heavily dominated by white males, and we need to acknowledge that. Let's imagine a future where the program is representative of the whole world. These discussions may be uncomfortable, but change won't happen unless we embrace discomfort and support each other.

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My ship? Press the red button and buckle up.

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A woman accidentally sits on a motorized suitcase, calling for help. Paul Rudd humorously claims his fame and requests water. An airport scene unfolds with a woman planning to make the flight about her, mentioning she might sing or yell at a baby. The express spa offers questionable massages with a holiday discount. A couple debates joining the Mile High Club, with humorous suggestions. A gate agent struggles with a passenger's name, "China so dry," while another passenger questions the name "Chartreuse." Captain Sully makes a grand entrance, attempting to engage the audience before introducing passengers returning from Turkey, humorously noted for their cosmetic work.

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We won't let fear win. Trans and drag have always been part of our world. Queer people are our coworkers, siblings, parents, and family. Drag is art, culture, educational, creative, and comedy. It's not a crime. I'm Scarlett Bobo, thank you. Translation: We will not allow fear to prevail. Transgender individuals and drag performers have always existed in our world. They are our colleagues, siblings, parents, and family members. Drag is considered art, culture, educational, creative, and comedic, but it is not a criminal act. My name is Scarlett Bobo, and I appreciate your time.

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The pilot had a meltdown on a United Airlines flight, addressing passengers in street clothes, discussing her divorce and political candidates. She asked passengers if they wanted her to change into her uniform or fly as is. Passengers were scared and offended, with some leaving the flight. After 20 passengers insisted on leaving, the pilot quietly exited the aircraft.

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Hi there! I often get asked if I'm a boy or a girl, and I love that question. But sometimes, humans can be more than just one or the other. We can be both or float in between. We're wild and exciting creatures. So, if you see someone like me, would you be extra nice to them? It's important to be kind because we can feel lonely too. Thank you!

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Мы с мужем переезжаем в Америку. Встретились с другими пассажирами. Попросили мужчину не есть мясо перед вегетарианцами. Потом случился конфликт из-за очереди в туалет. Мы решили пропустить парня из уважения к афроамериканцам. Прошу прощения за неудобства. Translation: My husband and I are moving to America. We met other passengers. Asked a man not to eat meat in front of vegetarians. Then a conflict arose over the toilet queue. We decided to let the guy go out of respect for African Americans. I apologize for any inconvenience.

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We need to intervene if we witness discrimination or harassment, even if it's just intimidation. For example, if a student writes on the board that there are only 2 genders, that's intimidation and harassment. Our staff needs training on how to handle these situations because most of them haven't been trained. Even those attending this gender identity training today, about 75% of them are new to this topic.

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We will enforce gender parity at the mics and prioritize those who face systemic barriers and discrimination. If you identify with a gender other than men, raise the yellow card you received during registration to be easily identified. Additional cards will be available at the mics if needed. If you require support, flag a volunteer. We strive to create inclusive spaces where everyone has a voice. There is a roving mic for accessibility needs, and if you require assistance, raise your hand.

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Hey! How are you? Good to meet you. So, we're a little small for these seats. We had to get you a bigger section of the couch. That's what I mean by accommodation. We need to accommodate bigger people, just like we do other communities. It's frustrating to be stared at or told to stay home. It's not fair. Some say we *choose* to be overweight, unlike those in the LGBTQ+ community. But I work on myself, at my own pace. There’s a debate whether sexuality and weight are chosen. But regardless, we deserve the same respect and accommodations.

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Welcome to Santa's Village! This year, we have two Santas to choose from. Which one would you like for a cherished photo? We want to see the white Santa, please. Why two Santas? It cuts the wait time in half. What should grandma do with the picture? We just remembered we're Jewish. Hi, we're here to meet Santa. You can choose between two equally qualified Santas. One Santa is busy, while the other is on a Zoom meeting. I’ll wait for the busy one. I’ll choose the Black Santa. Please don’t call me Blanta. It’s embarrassing that some can’t imagine Santa as anything but a straight white man. Well, you’re in luck! Here’s Santa number three. Hi! Ho ho ho!

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Speaker 0 stated they don't want to drive a car built and designed by Elon Musk because he "kinda turned out to be an asshole." Speaker 1 announced the first crew ten astronaut through the hatch was Onishi, followed by Peskov. Nicole Ayers, the first of the flies and newest class of astronauts, entered next, followed by Anne McLean, last commander of crew ten.

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I save you faster. I'm your digital god of passion, observing Earth from Mars. In this time of COVID, don't fly; instead, embrace the wild ride of exploration. I'm Rachel.

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Today is gender reassignment day. I’m assigning new genders and pronouns. Jimmy, you’re now she/her. Carlos, you’re Carla, she/they. Rebecca, those shoes are non-binary. Jack, you’re now Jackie, she/her. Everyone at this table is non-binary. Sam, you’re non-binary Sam. Chad, you remain a Chad. Are you all happy with your genders? No? Too bad! For homework, if you’re a guy, listen to Nickelback and Joe Rogan. If you’re a woman, just keep being a woman. Non-binary folks, I expect colored hair by Monday. Thank you!

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Hi, I'm Diddy, and I'm non-binary. I'm here to officially come out. It feels amazing to finally share this with you. My pronouns are she and they. Thank you for your support.

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I am Tiffany Doper, the manager of the COVID unit in CCU. My team will be among the first to receive the vaccine. Apologies, I am feeling dizzy.

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Welcome aboard our spacious, air-conditioned jet clipper. Experience near-silent, vibration-free travel at near sonic speeds. Enjoy delicious food prepared in 5-minute ovens in our four galleys. The cabin lighting changes from dawn to night, enhancing the mood. The captain announces clear weather in London at 64 degrees. Thank you for flying with us. We hope to see you again soon.

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I'm Amelia, and this is Mike and Micah. I bought Micah a plug and pop for college. The instructions warn to keep children and people with disabilities away from the hot pot to prevent burns. Micah has cerebral palsy, and I have autism. We're going to touch the pan. Micah, go ahead and touch it. Be careful, though. Do you need me to bring the fan? Well, there you have it—two disabled individuals interacting with this hot pot. Bye!

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I want to share a personal message to show that being transgender doesn't hinder military service. I take my estrogen, blockers, and other medications, but it doesn't affect my ability to serve.

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Men and women of the finest military in the world, let’s address something. When Michelle is upset, it can be intimidating. But there’s a rumor that Michelle Obama is actually a man named Michael, suggesting she is transgender. Some believe this has fooled the entire country and the world. The idea is that they have successfully hidden this truth from everyone.

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This is your captain speaking. Please look to the right side of the aircraft to see the Gulf of America.

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Hey, kids! Who wants to play Guess Who? I don’t like that game; it’s not inclusive. Introducing the new Guess Who, now with 437 genders! Is your person defined by gender? You can’t determine someone's gender by their appearance; that’s offensive. Does your person look like a traditional female? That’s also reductive and patriarchal. This game is for all families, including single, blended, and LGBTQIA+ families, valuing everyone for who they are. But this game has too many pieces! Do you want it easy or inclusive? Inclusive! Guess Who offers hours of fun, promoting a sense of smug satisfaction about being on the right side of history. Oh, and the game company just added 7 more genders and will send new pieces tonight!

This Past Weekend

Greyhound Breakdown #1 w/ Angel | This Past Weekend #91
Guests: Angel
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The episode opens with Theo Von welcoming Angel, a Greyhound motorcoach operator who has ridden the rails long enough to know the unpredictable mix of people on a bus that travels across America. Angel explains he started with Greyhound at a young age, earned his commercial license early, and underwent roughly two months of training before driving solo. Routes change daily; new drivers bid on routes as they gain tenure, and “deadheading” lets a driver ride an empty bus to start a trip. He describes downtown Los Angeles as a hub from which trips fan out toward Arizona, Texas, and beyond, including Sedona, with the next run always potentially just around the corner. On board, Angel says the Greyhound becomes a traveling cross-section of humanity: old and young, families, travelers, inmates, and the curious. He notes common challenges—body odor at the front of the bus, the need to monitor behavior with a rear‑view mirror, and the responsibility to announce rules without alarming passengers. The job requires constant vigilance and a calm demeanor; drivers set the tone, and extreme situations can emerge at stops or along the highway. He recounts a breakdown that stranded the bus north of a station, the crew improvising with Subway sandwiches for passengers, and the occasional confrontation that requires quick, careful handling. Listeners call in with vivid anecdotes: a robbery early in a six‑hour ride; fights at remote stops; encounters with foreigners or passengers who don’t speak English well; a mention of an all‑black little person on a Greyhound; a story of a vomiting incident in a Cleveland station that required cleanup; and the persistent sense that life unfolds in the smallest spaces of a bus. Themes include safety first, unpredictable intimacy, and the notion that “humanity on the bus” is both messy and remarkable. Angel reflects on his personal life, describing a ten‑year relationship that began in high school and a year‑and‑a‑half‑old son. He doesn’t rule out driving forever, but he has higher aspirations and recognizes the patience and restraint the job demands. The episode includes sponsor messages for Grey Block Pizza, Ridge Wallet, and Breakfast Shirts, integrating product pitches with the conversation. The conversation closes with Angel offering a short safety lesson—how he introduces the trip, where exits and restrooms are, the seat belts, the handrails, and maintaining a respectful cabin atmosphere—then the team signs off: All aboard for Sedona.
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