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I was asked about Trump becoming speaker and I answered honestly. I think "speaker Trump" sounds great.

I have a question for President Zelensky: Why don't you ever wear a suit? You're the highest-level office in the country, and yet you refuse to wear a suit. Do you even own one? Yes, I own a suit. Many Americans seem to have a problem with my attire, but I don't. I will wear a suit after the war is over. Maybe I'll get one like yours, or maybe something better, or perhaps something cheaper. We'll see. Thank you.

Where's the third assassin? Show yourself. Third time's the charm, right? Not me, FBI. It’s someone else. I believe in you.

I'm not on vacation in Europe, even though it may seem that way. I'm actually here working for you all. I have obtained something on this trip that, in the past, could have led to the president's impeachment if posted online. I have evidence that makes it very easy to impeach Joe Biden for criminal activity.

I used to think that if I had a third term, I would be okay with having someone else be the face of the presidency while I stayed in my basement, comfortable in my sweats, and just delivered the lines through an earpiece.

I may run for president because I've paid for my crimes. Joe Biden got knocked down for cheating in law school, which is cheap. Cheating in an exam shouldn't get you thrown out, but going to law school should be punished.

I have a question for President Zelensky: Why don't you ever wear a suit? You're the highest-ranking official in the country, but you refuse to wear one. Do you even own a suit? Many Americans have a problem with you not wearing a suit. I will wear a suit after this war is finished, maybe even something like yours, or perhaps something even better, or maybe something cheaper. We will see.

President Obama is being honored by ISIS as the founder of the group, with Hillary Clinton as the co-founder.

I was asked why I don't wear a suit, considering my high office. Many Americans don't respect that I don't dress up. I will wear a costume after this war is finished. Maybe I'll wear something like yours, or maybe something better, or perhaps something cheaper. We'll see.

I told Barack that if there's a moral disagreement, I'll develop a disease and resign.

I am running for president. Trump will win. Hillary will win. Trump won. Panic. Wisconsin is crucial.

I wish I had a brain to concentrate on my presidential powers and avoid being indicted. I could blame the Russians for my son's addiction and crimes. Inflation is rising, and we weaponized the FBI. I admit to stealing the last election and being a loser. I am a perverted weirdo who takes showers with my daughter. If only I had a brain.

President Obama is the founder of ISIS, with crooked Hillary Clinton as the co-founder.

Thanks, I'm Norm McDonald. Now, the fake news. It's official: murder is legal in California.

He's not perfect, but let's not ignore the positive things he's done. I'm just a president, after all.

It is obvious that Biden is not in charge, as he seems to be at the beach a lot. When his poll numbers went low, he said he was staying in the race, but the real power told him he was not. It's not just Obama behind him. There isn't one puppet master, but more like a thousand. It's obvious that Biden is not in charge, and Kamala isn't either. They just replaced the Biden puppet with the Kamala puppet. When the teleprompter stops working, the puppet breaks and starts looping.

Bobby, it's your favorite president here. I forgive you for being a loser about the election; it's not your fault you have a low IQ. Believe me, I won, Kamala lost big time. You're wrong, and you're a total loser. Your show sucks and will get low ratings. You've gone from raging bull to nobody, a disgrace. It's a horror. Kamala's probably drunk somewhere. Can you believe that guy called me the president of Virgin? Look at that crowd. It's a disgrace, but we won big, okay? Come here, paparazzi! I love this guy. Want to do a little dance? Come here.

I wish I could have a third term. I used to think that if I could have someone else be the face of the presidency, while I stayed in my basement in comfortable clothes, I would be okay with that. They would wear an earpiece and I would just deliver the lines.

Alec, it's your favorite president. I'm offering you a total pardon because I want to be friends. Just kiss the ring for murdering that woman. Your impersonation of me wasn't great, but we're back in office now. If you don't want the pardon for killing that woman, that's fine. She's looking down, happy you're being confronted. (Other speaker) Do you realize my kids live in this building? We love the children. Be careful. If this camera wasn't here, I'd snap your neck. (Me) Alec Baldwin, ladies and gentlemen, what a class act! I was born and raised in New York City. I love you, Alec. You've got more balls than De Niro. De Niro ran away, but you confronted me. You're strong, but you're also weak because you murdered a woman.

President Obama is the founder of ISIS. Crooked Hillary Clinton is the co-founder of ISIS.

I am not an American citizen and some people claim that I have a forged birth certificate. The truth is, I was not born in Hawaii or the United States. I actually come from Kenya. My election was seen by many as evidence that our society is progressing.

That's Robert De Niro's house, and I hired an actor to play his illegitimate son, Ja'Marcus. I'm back, it's your favorite president! You didn't come out last time, so I hired an investigator and found your illegitimate son, Jamarcus. I'm officially placing $200,000,000 in tariffs on your building until you come out and speak to me and your son, Jamarcus. His mother, Laquisha, who you abandoned very strongly, got shot. I'm officially adopting Jamarcus myself. Believe me. I hired a private investigator, I'm kidding. The goal was to troll him. I found out about his premiere and knew he would be there. My younger brother is a bit of an autograph hound and knows where all the celebrities are going to be. Plus, I have a friend at TMZ. I have a little network of people helping me out.

I don't care who I offend, but if Trump gets convicted of a crime and can still run for president, I'll vote for him. He's funny and I want to see what he does. Trump is hilarious, so I'm voting for him. That's all I have to say.

I have a shirt that says hashtag FJB, which stands for "Fuck Joe Biden."

I am someone important, but you are not smart enough to know who I am yet. Soon you will find out. It's really easy, but the entitlement is strong. Trust me, I am much better than that. The entitlement, guys.