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My mother used to criticize us, saying that we young people lacked awareness of our surroundings and history. She would often say, "You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?" She emphasized that we should understand the context in which we exist and acknowledge what came before us.

I tell you to smile, not to paint until you're 30. I ask Angel, who is 12 years old, her name and age multiple times. The problem is that you guys have a hardship.

Hey, come here for one more! You're such a big girl. Alright, on the count of three, big smile! Okay, honey.

I was searching for babies, but there were none left. I wanted a baby, not a 12-year-old girl.

I sat down and had a conversation where someone asked if I touched family members. I said yes.

If that hit had landed the first time, I would have lifted you up. Are you serious?

I'm about to come, I promise. Speak up. When I hop out, I promise to make a scene.

I sit on the stand and it gets hot. I have hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun. Kids used to come and rub my straightened leg, watching the hair come back up. I learned about roaches and kids jumping on my lap. I love when kids jump on my lap.

The speaker's mother used to say, "I don't know what's wrong with you young people. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?" The speaker explains that this saying meant that people exist in the context of all in which they live and what came before them.

Shut up. You're not getting a car. Just sit down and be quiet. I said shut up.

I sit on the stand and it gets hot. I have hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun. Kids used to rub my leg in the pool and watch the hair come back up. I learned about roaches and kids jumping on my lap. I love kids jumping on my lap.

I used to be human, but I still am. Being human means that certain things will bother you.

My mom doesn't care if I'm gay, lesbian, or anything else. She only cares that I'm a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. If I'm not a part of it, she'll try to convince me to join it.

Colin Quinn shared a famous moth joke: a moth visits a podiatrist, who suggests seeing a psychiatrist instead. The moth replies, "Because the light was on." It's a good joke, but not mine. I was on Conan O'Brien's show for a segment, and unexpectedly, he announced I would be featured longer. I thought I’d share a quick joke, so I asked how long the segment was, hoping for 20 seconds. He said it was about 7 minutes, so I expanded the joke to fill that time.

I'm tired. Look at Tate's baby cousin. He's so cute.

I want a sarsaparilla. What is that?

I'm Celine Dion, but our children aren't really ours. We're just a small part of their world. We long for the past, while they dream of the future. We may guide them, but they choose their own path. Can you believe they called security on me? I won't spend the night in jail. I'm Celine Dion, after all. Oh well, it's no big deal. I'm calling my agent, Beyonce.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, please don't hurt me." "Oh my Right? You little Shoot it off. You little die."

What's one move in bed that drives a man wild? You have to give him that hawk toons. I said it all night. You get me? I don't get you. I think you need to demonstrate. Hawk toons. That's right.

I called child services on someone because I was angry at them. I fabricated a story and exaggerated things to make it seem like their kids were being abused. Child services visited them and said they could lose their kids. I thought they deserved it for not being nice to me.

I'm back living at my mom's house. She told me I can unlock the door in my room without a key. I know how it works, Mom. I'm 41, I've seen that type of doorknob before.

Speaker 0: You don't want to give me joy. You're not in favor of it. You don't talk to me like that, I'm not your child. I'm your mom, not your big sister or little sister. You shout at a woman, but not at me.

Please forgive me. I'm not good at this. I can't do what you're asking. No, please. I didn't mean to be here. I can't face these charges. I'm not involved in this. Please, I'm not your child today. I’m not going through this. I’m here, but I don’t want to deal with the drama. I’m finished with this situation. I can’t handle it anymore. Please, I’m not doing this. I’m done. No, please. I can’t go through this again. I’m not involved. Please, just stop.

I don't care if everything is taken away from me, it wouldn't matter. I know it's a bad situation, just a few toys can make me happy.

I called child services on someone because I was angry at them. I made up a story and exaggerated things to make it seem like their kids were being abused. Child services visited them and said they could lose their kids. I thought they deserved it for not being nice to me.