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A woman was shopping at a furniture store when she made eye contact with a man. While she was looking at couches, he sat on one in front of her and asked how she thought it would look in their place, calling her "babe." She laughed, and they exchanged numbers. They have been dating for three months.

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In the exchange, Speaker 0 asks Speaker 1 whether there was contact with an individual named Shaunte Davies. Speaker 1 recognizes the name as distinctive and says that Shaunte Davies was the name of one of the flight attendants on a 2002 Africa trip. Speaker 0 then questions whether Shaunte or any other young female on that trip was underage at the time. Speaker 1 responds that, to their knowledge, there was no one underage. Following up, Speaker 0 asks whether Speaker 1 ever received a massage or had any physical contact from Shaunte Davies or anyone else on that trip. Speaker 1 acknowledges that there were pictures in view and recounts one specific instance: there was a time when Speaker 1 was sitting up and received a back rub and a neck rub. Speaker 1 adds that they think Shantay performed the back and neck rub, but they are not sure. No additional details beyond this single massage instance are provided in the exchange.

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The speaker clarifies that they don't feel like a victim and that the incident they experienced was not sexual, although it did hurt. They mention that rape is often associated with sexual connotations and violence, but they emphasize that it was not an assault. The speaker suggests taking a short break and mentions the topic of fantasies.

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I engaged in intimate activities with someone, using lube and changing positions. It was painful at first, but eventually became pleasurable. I mentioned getting a new strap-on harness and expressed excitement about using it. I also mentioned giving a great blowjob and wanting the person to be inside me.

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Speaker 0 describes a scenario involving mister Ballard and Julie, described as a high-end escort. They were not going to a hot tub but to a pool at a very nice hotel, the Ritz Carlton. It was a public indoor, heated pool with many other guests present. Ballard had Julie at the pool alone in a public setting and was trying to get her to disclose information. She indicated she was willing, but there were cameras and they were out in public, so she was hesitant. They then allegedly moved toward going up to a bedroom. There were three rooms, two normal, though Speaker 1 questions whether this was part of a 30 list. There is mention of semen, with Speaker 0 confirming that the semen was involved in the discussion, and Speaker 1 noting that it was in the same skirt with the semen located somewhere else. Speaker 0 clarifies that test results for the skirt or the semen had not been provided, but there was one incident where it could have and probably did occur. Speaker 0 continues by saying Ballard called Matt Cooper, who is present in the discussion, and asked for a little time alone with Julie in the room. Julie says they voluntarily vacated the room and let Ballard go up because it was part of their plan. They did not object to him going up, as it was part of the arrangement to extract information. Speaker 1 indicates they are following along, and Speaker 0 notes that what Julie says contains both truth and untruth. Page 11 of Julie’s account is referenced, wherein it is stated that Ballard takes Julie up to the room and gets information from her, which she concedes. However, she then wants to have sex; the overall goal of the couple’s ruse was to avoid sexual contact. Ballard is described as very loyal to his wife and family, and the contrast is drawn with his actions. Speaker 0 adds that the situation was exacerbated by Ballard’s skirt, as it was involved when he was in Julie’s room, using her skirt to facilitate the act, and that this was the excuse he used with the prostitute.

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A person is heard making sexually suggestive comments, inviting someone to "bring that juicy ass over here and hop in daddy's new whip." They then ask if the person wants to "rip off that top and hop on in here." Another person responds that this behavior is "not okay" and that "you don't talk to people" like that. The first person states, "I've never been more ready."

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Speaker 0 describes an incident at the WE Spa where a man enters the women's section with his penis exposed, causing fear among women and young girls. “It's not okay. Now I can't even go and put my clothes on because he's down there. Yeah. I don't feel comfortable. We don't feel uncomfortable.” The speaker emphasizes that this behavior happened in the women’s section, with the implication that a man came into an area designated for women and girls, and asserts that “his dick is out. To the campus side? Yeah. His dick is slinging left and right, and we're women in there, and young girls are there.” The speaker challenges the arrangement, stating, “And you allow that. So then you're lying.” They argue that there is a distinction between gender rights and discrimination, claiming that “We cannot discriminate against gender rights. It's not discrimination. It's an impostor. You cannot identify a impostor, someone faking to be a woman just because they feel like they wanna call themselves a woman.” There is a dismissive stance toward the idea of recognizing someone’s gender identity in this context, with a reference to being “pre board” as a test they don’t care about. Speaker 1 interjects with a repetition of “a situation,” emphasizing that there will be consequences or a response: “You gonna have a situation.” Speaker 0 responds with escalating emotion, invoking religious language: “The blood of Jesus. You're gonna have a situation. There’s going to be a situation.” They report being at the WE Spa and witnessing a man slinging his penis, expressing disbelief and stating that some women are afraid to speak up, while they themselves are determined to speak out: “I couldn’t believe what I saw. I couldn’t believe that this man, okay, and these people up here and you got some women scared to say something. Baby, I'm not scared to say a thing.” Speaker 0 asserts a strong stance against a man asserting entrance into the men’s section or a person presenting as a woman while being male, stressing concern for children and mothers present: “The blood of Jesus against this wilding out lion spirit. Sit up here. Gonna bring him to let a man come in here, slinging his penis up in here. No. No. No.” The speaker insists that somebody who identifies as a man cannot enter the women’s area, or that someone claiming to be a woman but possessing male anatomy should be challenged. The speaker ends with a warning that “these people, they about to find out though. Watch.”

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Speaker 0 describes entering a room where a massage table is in the middle, candles around, and asks the host questions. He asks, “Massage table in the middle of your house? How often do you have a massage?” The host replies, “Everyday,” then gets “weirdly close” and says, “And the right kind of massage.” The wife is present; they exchange looks and decide they must leave. They walk the six or eight steps back to their house and conclude they will never be in the room with that person again, not socially, for business, or philanthropy. If that guy is there, they won’t attend. They regard it as a gift—the voice and the moment. That’s their one and absolutely done.

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I never met or saw the woman in question. The incident at Burgdorf's dressing room involved me bursting in while she tried on lingerie. Her pet's name, "vagina," was not allowed in court. The word "rape" has sexual connotations, but this was not sexual, just hurtful. Many associate rape with being sexy, but it's not. Let's pause. The conversation turns to fantasies and plans to go shopping with the money.

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The speaker briefly mentions going undercover to investigate antiques. They ask someone to put something back and express gratitude. They also mention something about feeling better and getting sprayed.

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In a small, dark room that resembled a cleaning cupboard, the speaker was alone with someone. The person touched their leg, leaving them confused and unable to speak up. The encounter lasted only a couple of minutes, during which the person reassured the speaker. However, after it ended, the person threatened the speaker, warning them not to tell anyone because they wouldn't be believed. This intimidation forced the speaker into silence.

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Speaker 0 expresses a desire to protect someone from experiencing hardships they've faced. Speaker 0 then states feeling violated. Speaker 1 compliments Speaker 0's scent and asks their age. Speaker 0 is 16, turning 17 in two weeks. Speaker 1 says they never smelled that good at 16. Speaker 0 asks if the other would rather be naked on stage during a song or drink blended worms. Speaker 0 says they have young fans and can't give a sex talk, noting they never received one. Speaker 0 asks why a 15-year-old boy would want a sex talk from them, expressing discomfort. Speaker 0 suggests discussing the album, noting the other person hasn't been calling or hanging out like before, and has tried contacting them through partners.

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I walked in on a situation involving Will and Dwayne Martin. I was told to find Will urgently, so I searched all over the studio but couldn't find him. I had the keys to Dwayne's dressing room, so I went there and saw something unexpected. Dwayne and Will were engaged in anal sex on a couch. It was a shocking sight.

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Speaker 0: Not English Victorian, but brothel Victorian, Wexner said. And I remember saying that every all the women I know wear underwear most of the time. All of the women I know would like to wear lingerie all of the time.

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I wanted to role play a rape in a public place, like the dressing room at Bergdorf's. I saw you coming out of the store and followed you in. We went to the lingerie department, which was empty. Let's talk about rape fantasies with Judge Crane. I pushed you against the wall and kissed you. You claimed to fight back. I wrote an email saying resistance means you want me more. Brief because when a woman resists, it only makes things more exciting. Thank you for being an interesting conversation partner. Translated: I suggested role-playing a rape in a public place, specifically the dressing room at Bergdorf's. I saw you leaving the store and followed you in. We went to the empty lingerie department. Let's discuss rape fantasies with Judge Crane. I pushed you against the wall and kissed you. You said you fought back. I wrote an email saying resistance means you want me more. Brief because when a woman resists, it only makes things more exciting. Thank you for being an interesting conversation partner.

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Speaker 0 admits to being alone near the water but denies masturbating on the beach. Speaker 1 explains that they received a call from a concerned family who claimed to have witnessed the act. Speaker 0 shows the contents of their bag, revealing a vibrator. They apologize for their behavior, stating they were stressed. Speaker 1 reassures them that they understand and asks them to wait. Speaker 0 pleads with Speaker 1, insisting that there was nobody around. Speaker 1 then reveals that a family with children saw the incident. Speaker 0 expresses disbelief. Speaker 1 jokes about the situation, advising Speaker 0 to be more discreet in the future. The conversation ends with Speaker 1 commenting on the incident.

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Speaker 0 states that when you have a scene like this, you have to bring bosses with you. He indicates the scene is female-friendly because there is a woman present. He refers to her as "butt ball" and "raw dog." He says he is not going to turn himself in, and that once everyone leaves, it will just be him and the woman. He states he is doing what he does best. Speaker 1 exclaims, "Oh, shit," and asks if the camera caught something. They then demand the camera be cut off.

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The speaker confirms that the personal aspect mentioned earlier refers to a romantic relationship. They also clarify that this relationship started in 2019 and lasted until their last conversation.

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Speaker 1 recounts babysitting a 3-year-old boy for a divorced woman. They met through Care.com. Speaker 0 asks if Speaker 1 touched the boy's penis, to which Speaker 1 confirms, explaining that they rubbed it with their finger. Speaker 0 clarifies if saying "jacking him off" would be accurate, and Speaker 1 agrees, but specifies that they only used their finger.

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Speaker 0 describes an experience with a person they dated. They say sex is very special and very important to them, but they haven’t had sex with many people. They note that normally, not all the time, everybody respects them when they don’t want to do sexual things, and they thought it would be fine to go into his room and kiss because they believed he would stop if they didn’t want to do anything else. They were on his bed kissing for a bit, and whenever he would try to put their hands places or place his hands somewhere they didn’t want, they would move them away and return to kissing. Then, at one point, he said, “if nothing is going to happen, then what’s the point?”

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Speaker 0 asks about the price, to which Speaker 1 responds with $69. Speaker 1 then asks about the pronouns Speaker 0 goes by. Speaker 0 questions why it matters and Speaker 1 explains they need to attend a gender queer protest. Speaker 0 asks for the protest time, but Speaker 1 gives a vague response. Speaker 0 then asks how many genders there are, and Speaker 1 estimates around 930. Speaker 0 insults Speaker 1, who doesn't care and mentions having Speaker 0's clothes. Speaker 0 asks if Speaker 1 has always lived there, and Speaker 1 explains it's their trans wife's place. Speaker 0 asks if Speaker 1 married a man, and Speaker 1 confirms it. Speaker 0 repeats the question, and Speaker 1 says it's up to interpretation.

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The excerpt opens with a reference to a conference from many years ago, suggesting that the listener might have been in attendance. The exchange then shifts to a brief, awkward moment where someone apologizes and asks for permission to proceed, followed by a request for help. A responder states "No," and a separate remark introduces "the subpoena, for example," indicating a mention of a subpoena within the discussion. The conversation continues with an affirmative interjection—"Oh, good"—and a request: "Can you take off the stage?" The reactions include a startled "Wow" and a meta-comment noting the situation is starting in a dramatic way: "Getting off to a dramatic start already." The exchange ends with a clipped closing, simply "Well," signaling an unresolved or continuing moment in the dialogue. Overall, the passage captures a tense, performative moment at a conference, blending retrospective reference, administrative tension (subpoena), and a stage-direction style query, all underscored by a sense of escalating drama at the outset.

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Speaker 0 meets an older woman who expresses interest in a sexual encounter. They discuss the price and agree to engage in the act. Speaker 1 encourages Speaker 0 to perform well. Speaker 0 mentions putting his genitals inside her, and Speaker 1 advises him to be gentle. Speaker 0 asks about the woman's age and she reveals she is 78. They plan to meet, but Speaker 0 later calls paramedics, claiming the woman fell on the stairs. Speaker 0 expresses frustration as he didn't expect the encounter to turn violent.

This Past Weekend

Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #484

Guests: Trevor Wallace

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Theo Von announces new tour dates, updating fans that he will be in St. Louis on April 18, with tickets going on sale Thursday, February 22 at 10:00 a.m. local time using the pre-sale code Rat King, and general on-sale Friday, February 23 at 9:00 a.m. local time. He notes that Atlanta tickets remain for April 5 and tells listeners to buy at theo.com, advising them not to overpay on overpriced secondary sites. Today's guest is Trevor Wallace, described as a wonderful content creator and comedian with a new Amazon Prime special called Pterodactyl. Trevor is thanked for joining and the conversation begins. They start with observations about parking attendants: boredom, price arbitrariness in Los Angeles, and anecdotes about a parkers' mentality. They joke about the math behind parking fees, the half joking theory that pricing reflects personal moods, and a memory of a podcast location where a parking attendant later stopped wearing shoes in the bathroom. They discuss office space, the tiny standing room of Trevor’s office, and a porta potty with an oversized air conditioner, jokingly describing the extreme conditions of the parking occupation. Trevor reflects on the history of their podcast studios, noting that H3 used to be in the same building and that famous spaces like Rogan’s moved around, with one version in Woodland Hills and another in Austin. They joke about whether they are in Los Angeles or Nashville, acknowledging the frequent moves between cities and the tax advantages of Tennessee. He describes a recent show at the Wiltern and notes that a lot of eclectic attendees showed up, especially when Sundays are a holiday for some audiences. They shift into a broader discussion of travel and the comedic life, including Trevor’s experience with Amsterdam’s Red Light District. They describe the layout and lighting, the presence of a Starbucks, and the general chaos of the scene. They reminisce about their own first experiences with the district, reflect on the mixed emotions of fear and curiosity, and compare the intensity of performing in that environment to other settings. They discuss the dynamics of dirty talk, the power of words in intimate moments, and the meta aspect of podcasts that blend interviews with explicit content, including the reality that pitches and ads interrupt the flow. Throughout, they intersperse ad reads, including a DoorDash DashPass promo, a Babel language learning deal, and BlueChew, followed by a BetterHelp sponsorship. They also joke about the changing landscape of online content and the blurring of boundaries between comedy, sex, and monetization, acknowledging that platforms push creators toward more provocative formats. Trevor shifts to cultural and historical topics with humor, discussing the rise of cremation as a trend, cost comparisons in major cities, and hypothetical hybrids such as splitting a body for top and bottom remains, or scattering ashes in provocative ways. They riff on turning cremation into a performative art form, even joking about keeping certain remains as keepsakes for friends and family and imagining add-ons that might be sold alongside cremation packages. They touch on news and pop culture, including stories about a teacher in Tucson fired for an OnlyFans account, debates about adult content and professional credentials, and the legal and ethical questions surrounding such cases. They briefly mention the Dane Cook missing person case and the cultural fascination with celebrities’ misfortunes and disappearances, then joke about jury duty and the quality of jurors and their relevance in modern society. From there, they pivot to the Salem Witch Trials, summarizing tests used to determine witchcraft, such as the touch test, the dunking test, and examinations for devil’s marks, noting that confessions were often coerced and tens of thousands faced accusations in colonial Massachusetts. They compare this historical intensity to modern media and the ways audiences react to controversy and sensationalism today. Finally, they discuss their own careers and plans: continuing to build new material, exploring film or TV projects, and possibly relocating to Austin to capitalize on the creative energy there. They close with mutual excitement about future collaborations, planning another appearance, and teasing possible live events, with a sense that the world of comedy continues to evolve as they chase new formats and audiences.

Armchair Expert

Armchair Anonymous: Sexcapades | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

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In this episode of Armchair Anonymous, hosts Dax Shepard, Phil, and Tristan share humorous and candid stories about unexpected romantic encounters. They discuss a memorable experience involving a couple who attempted to film a sex tape but faced comedic mishaps, including a bra catching fire during the act. The story highlights the chaos of intimacy intertwined with humor, showcasing how unexpected events can disrupt romantic moments. Another guest recounts a honeymoon adventure where she and her husband found themselves in a secluded spot on a beach, only to be interrupted by a group of tourists. Their experience turns into a humorous tale of embarrassment and spontaneity, emphasizing the thrill of unexpected encounters. Additionally, a couple shares their escapades in public places, revealing the challenges and excitement of intimacy in unconventional settings. They discuss a staycation that led to a mishap with crotchless panties, resulting in humorous consequences and a memorable story about the aftermath. Overall, the episode captures the blend of romance, humor, and the unpredictability of intimate experiences, showcasing the lighter side of love and relationships.