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Einstein's clock is synchronized with my watch. They predicted you would look like a young Donald Trump at 47 years old. There is a resemblance, a Donald Trumpiness to it. I cannot be fired.

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"Suffering is not a necessary part of evolution, but it is the road most traveled." "Wherever you see a hypochondriac, you're seeing a eugenicist." "Wherever you see a person who identifies as progressive, you are seeing a eugenicist, even if they don't realize that they're a eugenicist." "One of the foundational thought processes of a eugenicist is that they believe they can manipulate what God has created to create something superior." "Transhumanism is the same when you get down to it, the same thing that Adolf Hitler was talking about, creating a superior race." "They're just trying to rebrand it and resell it to you as something you might want, and that's how they sell it with you with little stupid Apple watches." "And we'll do a little Neuralink implant just right up in there. Don't worry." "It's just gonna be a little frontal lobotomy." "Everyone will wear wearables. Everybody will wear it. It's gonna be a cool thing."

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Their house looks good. I love podcasts. Oh, I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking. Gravity's Rainbow is my favorite book. I'm Charlie. I'm Ben. Would you ever watch where you're going? You charged into me like a rhino! It's November; shouldn't you be with the Halloween decorations? What are you listening to? A podcast on how to be less of a coward? You have something in your hair—oh, it's a rat. I thought I was unlucky in love. Hi, I had to draw you; I call it "getting hit by a garbage truck." Most lesbians are fans. You can say my music sucks. At least you know who I am. We're on SNL! You're like 6'7" with the confidence of a 52-year-old. We're way more brat than you—brat stands for being really awesome together. Good day!

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What the fuck are you doing? I didn't realize we were supposed to sit here. You're touching everything. What do you have to do here if it opens at 2? If it doesn't open until 2, how are you going to pick up your medicine? Can you get the fuck off my car? Sir? You want to keep saying "sir," bitch? Piece of shit. Are you a Trump voter? What the fuck are you going to do? You sound like a maggot. Why are you touching my stuff like you own it? Why are you touching my stuff? I have you on camera. I'm not playing. Get the fuck in the car. I am not playing with you. Get the fuck in your car.

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I was far ahead of all of you. You should have appreciated and learned from me. Instead, you relied on others to guide you, while I had a clear view of everything. You never had me, and that's why you're called commoners. You think inside the box, but I see everything from outside the planet. I even invented the internet.

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"I am America first. You are not." "Elon Musk, you weren't born here." "Milo, you're a Jew and you weren't born here." "Kanisawans, your husband wasn't born here." "Ask the show. Who is the fed? Will the real federal agent please stand up? Who's the real federal agent?" "Elon, Peter Thiel, JD Vance Tucker, and George Farmer, the son of the head of the alliance of Christians and Jews in The UK?" "Patrick Bet David said, why do you say the n word? It's to show people I'm real." "Why do you roll out of bed at 3AM and do a show? Why do you say you're gonna have hate sex with can of so ands? Why do you say nigger? It's to show you I'm the real nigga on the show." "All these people that have been taking checks from Fox News, Turning Point USA, Dennis Prager, they're just not ready for this. They're not ready that we're in the groiper generation." "Eight years lied about, censored, attacked, persecuted while you were at parties getting millions of dollars for doing bullshit." "Your show is ass and you're full of shit and you're retarded." "I'm coming for all of it." "They came to my house. They tried to kill me." "You might kill me in the process, but you're fucking done." "Signed America. That's my body. And that's me. And that's my body."

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A man who can show where my money is going and prove it's not going to the right places is not my enemy; he's trying to help me. Stop making it about race; it's them against all of us. They will lock you up if you don't file your taxes. They're saying you have to give them your money so they can buy things like condoms and coffee cups for their employees. If you don't, they'll lock you up. Why isn't anybody living? I know I'm not the only one actually living.

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Okay. I'm the walker, baby. Where is your fucking god now? Skippity Riz. Gong gang. The big boy. Fucking rip and tear. Don't forget to live, laugh, and love. This one's for me in case I need it. Some smoke. Extra thick. H shit. Motherfucker. Fuck, Nigel. That dude raped someone. I got my new headphones so I can hear them scream. Here's my belt. So useless bitch. You're gonna push. I got my Minnesota patch. Let's fucking do this before things are in your kitchen. Got more Jew gas taped on this end. This will be for the emergency exit. Nigger. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel really good.

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"Girl, come on. Leave the shape of the world to the men? I don't think so." "We ain't getting no You got into Harvard long? What? Like it's hard?" "Sir, what is your name as a group? The click. Click or click? Click. Let's do it."

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You bankrupted the postal service through your reputation alone. You are responsible for its fall and the lack of accountability. That is not true, the postal service is growing and Congress is responsible for the fall of the postal service. I am trying to fix it. On your watch, with all the AI and computer systems, the postal service has gotten worse. You're worse than if I took a horse and delivered it two miles down the road. This is the response that the Postmaster just gave Congress when he doesn't like what he hears. Literally covered his ears and gave himself the grade of A.

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How are you doing? You can just leave. Jumping to name-calling already? That was the slowest sprint ever. Trump is 70; he doesn’t need to be chased. We need to chase out bad people. You probably couldn’t catch a tortoise. Trump reminds me of my family members with dementia. What about Biden? Biden reminds me of myself; he’s not demented. You think Biden can speak well? Yeah, he stutters but can form sentences. What about him falling on the stairs? I’ve fallen on stairs too. If I’m too drunk, I shouldn’t be president. I’m not running for president. Neither should Trump; he’s showing signs of dementia. What if he decides to nuke China? I don’t have the nuclear codes. That could lead to World War 3. No one on the Democrat side is threatening that; it’s Trump who does.

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"This message brought to you by BlackRock and ExxonMobil, sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon, Brandon Herrera for president." "I met Brandon Herrera at SHOT Show last year. He and I had a conversation, a brief conversation, but, like, we agreed on a lot of things." "So y'all should vote for Brandon Herrera for president." "Tomorrow. I'm sorry to my family, but that's it." "That's the only people I'm sorry to fuck those kids." "Shit. I regret everything." "Watch millimeter go bang." "Where is your fucking god now?" "The big boy. Fucking rip and tear. That's the big one." "Don't forget to live, laugh, and love." "That dude raped someone." "Got my new headphones so I can hear them scream." "Got more Jew gas taped on this end. This will be for the emergency exit." "Nigger." "Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I love you. I hate you. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel really good."

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"What the fuck is this shit? I'm not giving you my serial number, dude." "I got proof that you guys are threatening to rape my mom. I got proof that you're threatening to fucking kill my family." "You guys are fucking stupid." "Well, you're some fucking spoiled faggot. Give me some fucking money. I ain't doing shit for free." "I hope there's fucking 500 more school shootings." "I'm a fucking published author, a dean list philosophy student." "I'm fucking smarter than everybody I ever fucking met. I fucking mean it." "It's a fucking conglomerate corporation. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Will fucking kill you." "Don't you fucking dare. How in the fucking fuck do I get a fucking agent on the fucking phone right fucking now?"

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Want to go fishing tomorrow? I've got a colonoscopy! My party was a flop. The guests have arrived... or is this even a party? It's a cul-de-sac party! The invitations were spears (metaphorically, of course). Someone's using a leaf blower. My mower's a smoker – I spent a fortune on it! Fully custom. Plenty of Bud Lights. The party's hopping, but the HOA's already complaining. Bill, get off the boat!

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I can't fly to Akron just to insult a guy. The line "jerk store" is too good to waste. There are no jerk stores, it's a clever line for a smart audience. I won't dumb it down for a mass audience.

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I have good judgment. I married Jill and appointed Johnson. Clap for that, you stupid bracker. Everything he says is a lie. It's terrible.

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I demand to be addressed as Colonel or Sir. Did you order the code red? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. I provide the freedom you enjoy. Did you order the code red? Yes, I did.

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Fascists in our city. 'Motherfucker.' 'Oh.' 'Fascists?' 'You see these fascists right here in our Fascists?' 'Fuck you. Fuck you, fascists.' 'Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.' 'Y'all laughing, but that's the truth. We really talking real shit.' 'Shut.' 'Y'all need to do some background studying about the federal mass objection.' 'They fooled a man.' 'No. No. No. You don't, baby.' 'Super bad.' 'No. No. No. No. No. No.' 'He cooked up. He cooked up.'

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I wish I could have a third term. I used to think that if I could have someone else be the face of the presidency, while I stayed in my basement in comfortable clothes, I would be okay with that. They would wear an earpiece and I would just deliver the lines.

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I saw this spot first! You wish. I swear on my mother! I don't care. My mother is dead. Shame on you. Ugh, I hate this guy. I don't want to see that. These guys like it, though. Shut up! I need this spot; I'm handicapped. That's bull. My blood pressure is high! You're lying. I'm super Christian! Screw you! Don't do two at once. Sorry, it's a habit. Come on, it's almost Christmas! I'm not Scrooge; I have a good heart. Ho ho ho! I didn't know what else to do. If you won't listen to me, maybe you'll listen to my wife. I don't see a wife. Get away, or I will kill you! The spot is all yours, sir. Happy holidays!

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I'm prepared for the great cleansing, to genocide conservatives in this country. Will you be out on the streets with your clock? Maybe, I need to go back to Nebraska and get it.

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I can't believe we're back here. Does anyone even remember what happened last time? Is something wrong? It's not working. No good? Nothing is happening. There we go! Oh my god! Oh boy, so good! This one's real. Yes! Yes! Yes! Lunch and a show. How about that? That *is* a sandwich! How about she's hot right now? Am I competing with the condiments?

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I squeak like a chirping grasshopper or a squeaky screen door. I want to be a backup girl. What's wrong with Justin's hair? We need a global movement. Men think we go from oral to anal, but I don't anymore. I think about Lisa and horses. Welcome back. Kader is spelled k h a d r. Omar Connery has more class than the entire cabinet. Thank you.

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Mister Hegseth, are you attracted to obese Hawaiian women with low intelligence? No, senator. Are you aware that I used the potty by myself today? No, senator. You seem quite fertile; if confirmed, would you commit to having a baby with me? No, senator. Are you saying under oath that you refuse to impregnate a portly Hawaiian woman, even if she can use the potty independently?

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Speaker 0: “You shoot me with that. I’m shooting you with mine. Your butt is built on bad people, bro. You're Hold on. Right here. Good. $9.45. 9. It’s only okay to And I got $3.80 in my bucket. Your side. Yeah. Yeah. It’s a big shame. It’s embarrassing. I almost bought my 40, but I’m an ex con.”
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