@tyromper - Tyler Todt
Two years into marriage my wife & I said the D-WORD often.
Seven years later & my wife said recently it’s BETTER THAN THE HONEYMOON!
Here’s a few BIG changes that helped our marriage, friendship & passion thrive again!
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
1) Never have big issue talks via text.
You can’t communicate intent on text.
We only text positive & easy stuff now.
If there’s a big issue the text is I love you let’s talk soon.
Far too many times we got into difficult talks via text.
It never went well.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
All our texts now are light, encouraging & uplifting….. with of course the occasional X-rated ones :)
I think this applies to any relationship too.
If you are having a disagreement don’t ANGRILY text back & forth.
Calmly say let’s talk it out face to face.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
2) Never involve outside people in our marriage.
What happens is:
Your friends, family or co-workers VALIDATE your side because they love you & you’re the one telling the story through YOUR lens.
This leads to entrenching instead of open communication & finding middle ground.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
I hate to admit this, but men learn from me:
Early in our marriage when my wife & I would disagree on parenting or any issue I would call my mom or tell co-workers all the reasons I was right.
They would validate me of course,
I was the one telling MY SIDE of the story.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
Simultaneously my wife would talk to her mom or friends & they would validate her.
Then, when we would sit & talk we both were coming with loaded guns & lots of ammo from outside sources.
THIS IS WRONG.
When I went from a cringy boy to a man I ended this across the board.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
I emailed our family saying I loved them & we appreciated all their advice & wisdom but from here on out every issue in our marriage was ours alone.
We were going to become ONE & grow together without the influence of outside opinions & voices.
GAME CHANGER.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
3) We say SAME TEAM.
My wife started this.
You’re going to disagree. Acknowledge that.
Life can be hard.
Young kids, lack of sleep, jobs, long hours, it’s hard on you both.
Start every day with a kind word to each other.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
Thanks for working so hard to provide for our family & being a great dad when you’re home.
Thanks for giving our kids amazing days & taking care of our home.
I appreciate all you do.
Start out on a positive note & if challenges do arise say SAME TEAM before engaging.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
As a married couple you should have the same long term vision, goals & plan for your lives.
Don’t lose sight of this.
Always give them the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT that they have your best interests at heart.
SAME TEAM!
It’s not you vs them.
It’s YOU TWO VS THE PROBLEM.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
4) Mandatory date nights every week.
It’s shameful looking back but I went out with my buddies, co-workers & kids but never just my wife after we got married.
I stopped dating her.
I stopped pursuing her.
I remember the day I sat her down & apologized for this.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
I told her to prepare for adventure again!
I told her to prepare for fun, laughs, excitement & passion again.
I told her until I take my last breath I’m going to keep pursuing her & keep dating her.
We have a lot of fun ignoring our kids several hours a week & dating now! https://t.co/CJoeT4CL57
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
I’ll hear pushback on this from wives especially.
We can’t leave our kids we love them too much.
If you love them so much then model what an ON FIRE MARRIAGE looks like so they think that’s normal.
Kids are perceptive.
Show them what a healthy relationship looks like!
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
I once had a wise mentor tell me marriage is like two people in row boats going across the ocean.
The waves (stresses of life) will naturally drift them apart unless they INTENTIONALLY CHOOSE daily to row back towards one another.
It was a powerful image for me. https://t.co/ssZTMaSiP0
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
I look back on the last 4 years of our marriage.
We have:
•Fostered 7 babies.
•Adopted 2 amazing, wild boys.
•Moved our family cross country.
•Went through a strange pandemic.
•Transitioned from corporate to being my own boss.
And grown CLOSER through it all! ❤️ https://t.co/DoRVXzR18l
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
We are SOLD get married & live happily ever after since we are 5 years old.
That’s a lie & the reason we see a very high percentage of marriages end in divorce.
Sadly, even those that stay together often drift apart & become more ROOMMATES than passionate lovers & best friends.
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
When you say I DO the real work begins.
Men often get comfortable.
We got the girl, got the cushy job, the nice home & we quit growing & pursuing her.
Women often follow that lead & get too comfortable too.
I challenge you today to start fresh again.
Laugh, grow & connect!
@tyromper - Tyler Todt
Thanks for reading.
I’ve coached HUNDREDS of men & seen many go from:
•Roommates to PASSION
•OK marriages to ON FIRE
I’m starting a 3rd cohort in February & going to walk men through 10 weeks of zooms & daily chat with me to create ON FIRE marriages!
DM me MARRIAGE for info. https://t.co/XuHkfuduWR
