reSee.it - Related Post Feed
@JackPosobiec - Jack Poso 🇺🇸
Norm MacDonald on the View with Barbara Walters in 2000 when he repeatedly called Bill Clinton a murderer https://t.co/obFvQd0T90
Video Transcript AI Summary
I think we should get the homicide out of the White House and get a fresh start, because we don't want any more murderers. Clinton murdered a guy.
That's going a little too far. This is not the place to make those accusations, and you're supposed to be funny.
I thought it was a matter of record.
You will not be invited back if you don't shut up. Let's talk football. Where did you ever hear that?
Maybe George or Bill Clinton would be your hero.
His career is over after this. Anyway, who cares? We're on the millionaire today.
People always told me Hollywood was incredibly liberal and biased, and I thought it was untrue about it.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: Not a a lie or a crook murderer or anything like that. So it'd be good to get the see, I I don't I think we should get the homicide out of the White House and get, like, a a a fresh start because we don't want any more murderers.
Speaker 1: I think we should just go on to the next question. Oh, who's murderers? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Clinton,
Speaker 0: he murdered a guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, we're not No. You're not talking about losing accusations without
Speaker 1: That's a little too far.
Speaker 2: Swear it does work. Let's just
Speaker 1: let's just go on to the next question. Yeah. This is not my week. What can I tell you?
Speaker 2: Oh, it's not mine either.
Speaker 1: And I'm
Speaker 2: being very nice. Okay? Uh-huh. Be a good boy. Now, Norm?
Speaker 0: Did you never
Speaker 1: hear that? No.
Speaker 2: No. Listen. We don't need to
Speaker 1: I don't wanna get out of this. And I don't wanna hear it. And this is not the place to make those accusations and you're supposed to be funny. Oh, come on, Brady. Exactly.
Get with me. There you go. This is a live show.
Speaker 2: Why? But you have been properly chastised by barbaco. I'm now going to ask the next
Speaker 0: question. I thought it was a matter of record.
Speaker 1: Shut up. Up.
Speaker 2: Look, babe.
Speaker 1: Let me
Speaker 2: do this. Okay? I'll tell you what's a matter of record. You will not be invited back if you don't shut up.
Speaker 1: Alright. Now, let's talk football. Alright.
Speaker 0: Man manslaughter.
Speaker 1: Let's talk football. Norm. Norm. Where did you ever hear the word
Speaker 2: oh, a bonus raise. He's
Speaker 0: my hero, you know, just like you. Maybe George or Bill Clinton would be your hero.
Speaker 1: I I love I love There's no stopping you, isn't it? No.
Speaker 0: I seem to like Bill Clinton.
Speaker 1: There really are. And this man leaps into our show on Friday night. I know.
Speaker 2: It's alright. His career is over after this. Anyway, who cares?
Speaker 1: We're on the millionaire today.
Speaker 0: Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, tell him about that. How how you thought he's dumb today. Why do you see
Speaker 1: him today?
Speaker 0: People always told me Hollywood was like incredibly liberal and biased and I thought it was untrue about it.
Speaker 1: You wanna talk about the millionaire?
Speaker 0: Yes. I
Speaker 1: do. You have 10
Speaker 2: sons. Don't tell
Speaker 1: him what I want.
Speaker 0: Don't tell him what I want?
Speaker 1: No. Oh.
Speaker 2: You're not allowed to tell anything like that.
Speaker 1: Well, what are you trying to ask him then?
Speaker 2: I don't know. He doesn't answer anything anyway. So Okay.
Speaker 1: So he's on the millionaire tonight.
@GrahamAllen_1 - Graham Allen
How STUPID are these people??? Last night at the Tony Awards, a presenter called @GovRonDeSantis the current “grand wizard” of the KKK. Hollywood is losing their control.
Video Transcript AI Summary
Earlier tonight, CMU and the Tony Awards presented the 2023 excellence in theater education award to Jason Zembeuk Young. He has made a significant impact on the lives of students at South Plantation High School in Florida.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: Earlier tonight, CMU and the Tony Awards presented the 2023 excellence in theater education award. And while I am certain that the current grand wizard, I'm sorry, excuse me, governor of my home state of Florida, will be changing. Current I am sure that he will be changing the name of this following town immediately. We were honored to present this award to the truly incredible and life changing Jason Zembeuk Young, enhancing the lives of students at South Plantation High School nation Florida
@loudmouthgrant - ✨CONSPIRACY FACTS ✨
@jakeshieldsajj never forget what kanye said about hollywood https://t.co/jd7Bvkyo6P
Video Transcript AI Summary
They can't control you. They try to suppress and categorize, but they can't control you like they control Shaq, Charles Barkley, LeBron James, Jay Z, or Beyonce. They can't control me either. I don't take disrespect from anyone. Let's talk it out. The only person I serve is God. Many people in Hollywood go missing, and it feels like they want to control and traumatize to monetize. But God loves me, and that's more important. I have a net worth of $400 million. I can say whatever I want without going to jail because I've never killed anyone.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: They can't control you. They can't they they they try to suppress you, but that's how they try to categorize it. They can't control you. You get what I'm saying? They can control Shaq.
They could control Charles Barkley. They could control LeBron James. You. They can control Jay z or Beyonce. No.
Not you, man. But they can't control me. You see it ain't no name. I won't name. It's up.
You. No. You. You know what I'm saying? And just for minutes to fair account, I love you.
But the way you read that, I took that as a slight. You know what I'm saying? I don't I'm taking no disrespect from nobody. So let's get on the phone. Let's talk that out.
I don't care who you are. It. I ain't taking no slice from nobody. Right? I ain't taking no slice from nobody.
It's god. You. That's the only person that I serve. My mama ain't here. My mama was sacrificed.
Me too. You understand? Yeah. I appreciate that. Michael Jordan.
Gordon. What about him? His daddy, right? Bill Cosby, his son, right? Doctor Dre, his son.
It. You know, out in Hollywood, a lot of people come up missing. Feels like it might be a lot of that it. In order to control, traumatize, they wanna monetize and traumatize. And god love me.
It. You understand? They they hit me. Gap, Adidas, all that away. Still, Forbes, who hate me, right, had the right net worth 400,000,000.
Jesus is king. God love me. It. That's more important than keeping in mind. That's the thing.
You know what I'm saying? It's and this truth is gonna be her. That can't send none of y'all Meek Mills, y'all puppies, y'all little boozy. None of these names. None of these people that have to listen to y'all because they're dealing they have legal I never killed nobody.
Right? I'm the you. That never killed nobody. Right? But that means I can say whatever I want and not go to jail.
@Sassafrass_84 - Sassafrass84
George Carlin always nailed it. Put others to shame. He was so right. Miss him and rush. 🔥🔥🔥 https://t.co/4NfbVSzQqD
Video Transcript AI Summary
There is no need for a formal conspiracy to control America. The people in power have similar interests and connections, such as attending the same universities and being part of the same clubs and boards. The number of major oil companies has decreased from 7 to 3, soon to be 2. In this country, choices that matter have been limited, with only 2 political parties and a handful of insurance companies. However, when it comes to less significant things like bagel flavors, there is an illusion of choice with 23 options.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: I was thinking no national conspiracy to buy elections and control America. You don't need a formal conspiracy Right. When interests converge. These people went to the same universities and fraternities. They're on the same boards of directors.
They're on the same country clubs. They have like interests. They don't need to call a meeting. They know what's good for them. And they're getting it.
And there used to be 7 oil companies. There are now 3. It will soon be 2. The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice. There are 2 political parties.
There are a handful of insurance companies. There are about 6 or seven in information? But if you want a bagel, there are 23 flavors because you have the illusion. You have the illusion of choice.
@euphorio_ - Yan.x | ॐ
@dom_lucre They referred to Harvey Weinstein as god. ❗️👀 https://t.co/CvumvS8pYp
Video Transcript AI Summary
Congratulations to Harvey and his wife on the birth of their baby boy. Many speakers express their gratitude to Harvey Weinstein, referring to him as "The Punisher" and praising his support and commitment. They thank him for his role in making films, his friendship, and his passion. Despite some playful remarks, they acknowledge his kindness and the good things he has done in life. The speakers also mention Bob Weinstein and Miramax in their acknowledgments. Overall, they express gratitude and admiration for Harvey Weinstein's contributions.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: We begin, I just wanna congratulate Harvey and his wife Georgina on the birth of their new baby boy. Thank you. Harvey gave us just what we needed, another him.
Speaker 1: Finally, I'd like to thank Harvey Weinstein. The Punisher. That's his nickname. The Punisher. Yes.
Speaker 2: Harvey, if I keep thanking you in public, people think we're having an affair. But, nonetheless, if you're, choosing sides in the playground before a scrap, I would like to have Harvey Weinstein and Graham King on my side.
Speaker 3: Harvey Weinstein, Bob Weinstein. God bless them.
Speaker 1: My friends at Miramax for making this film, especially Harvey.
Speaker 0: And, Harvey, thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today.
Speaker 1: And to Harvey Weinstein, the, the tough guy on the playground with the biggest Hart, thank you for saying you do anything for your friends, and you always do. Thank you.
Speaker 3: And then Harvey Weinstein Harvey Weinstein. Harvey and Bob Weinstein, every
Speaker 1: Thank you, Harvey Weinstein. I wanna thank Harvey and Bob Weinstein. My agent, Kevin Uvaine, and God, Harvey Weinstein. The punisher, old testament, I guess. Especially the bomber Weinstein, my Thank you.
My godfather.
Speaker 2: Is it better than I do?
Speaker 0: Sometimes they call him Jennifer. It's a pet name.
Speaker 2: But okay.
Speaker 1: I would like to thank Harvey Weinstein.
Speaker 3: Harvey Weinstein who believed in us and made this movie.
Speaker 1: Harvey. Thank you to Harvey. Harvey Weinstein for his commitment. And to Harvey, Weinstein and everyone at Miramax.
Speaker 2: This Harvey Weinstein.
Speaker 3: Harvey Weinstein Lauren Spender and
Speaker 1: Harvey and Bob Weinstein, you also break my heart with your uncensored passion.
Speaker 3: But, I have to thank Harvey Weinstein. And Thank you, sir.
Speaker 4: And, of course, Harvey, who first took me on 20 years ago When I was a man, a child sensation. I want to thank the Mashpuka Weinstein Mazeltos.
Speaker 3: There's a guy I'd like to really thank you that that people don't thank enough, but there's a kindly, wonderful, gentleman, that we all deeply love. His name is Harvey Weinstein. A little rough around the edges, But a heart of gold, and we do love you. And this is a good man. People don't know that, but he's done a lot of good things in life.
They'll write an article about that someday too. New Yorker.
@WarClandestine - Clandestine
Gigachad Jim Gaffigan roasts the entertainment industry for being the pedophiles that they are. It’s becoming more and more publicly acceptable to talk about widespread pedophilia among the ruling class. I’d like to see the other camera angles to see who didn’t like the joke… https://t.co/faQmmXLOEp
Video Transcript AI Summary
I'm amazed to be part of the entertainment industry, coming from a small town in Indiana. And just to clarify, I am not a pedophile.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: Golden Globes. I mean, I I can't even believe I'm in the entertainment industry. I can't. I you know, it's so unlikely. I'm from a small town in Indiana.
I'm not a pedophile. You know? I just
reSee.it AI Summary
Jim, it seems there are some concerns about your past comments and a movie role. People are questioning your connection to Jeffrey Epstein and your portrayal of a character registered as a sex offender. Additionally, your remarks about Hollywood being a pedophile ring have resurfaced. It's worth noting that you appeared nervous during a recent event.
@Prolotario1 - Ariel
Are you trying to get ahead of things Jim? I think you know what is coming for you. Let's discuss why. Remember when you went on a tirade about Donald Trump ruining the country? You even said for you this wasn't a debate about the size of government, taxes, health care or even abortion.” Which implies you hasmd other personal issues with D. Trump that goes much deeper than what you are willing to admit because it may be connected to that infamous Jeffrey Epstein Island right? Because I also remember in this film "Drunk Parents" that came out in 2019 where you were registered as a sex offender In this comedy film, you Gaffigan portrays Carl, a neighbor who moves in next door to Alec Baldwin and Salma Hayek's characters. While your character Carl is never explicitly labelled a sex offender, his character introduction includes mention of him being registered on some sort of offender list. But that is just a movie right? Getting back on topic remember when you called people bots who believed Hollywood was one big P*dophile ring? Qoute: “Through numerous messages I learned that while Trump wished Epstien’s partner/groomer “Well”, the Democrats are the ones who are supposedly pro-pedophile. It became abundantly clear that many, many people really do believe Hollywood and the entertainment industry is an enormous pedophile ring. I know that sounds absurd, but I received dozens of messages from people convinced this was true.” End quote. You said this back in August 2020 when you were being interviewed from Dustin Rowels from http://Pajiba.com. Now that The list is out you seemed a bit nervous up their on stage tonight. Is something bothering you Jim? https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.tmz.com/2024/01/07/jim-gaffigan-cracks-pedophile-joke-during-golden-globes/
Pajiba
Pajiba is an Independent source for pop-culture and entertainment news and reviews
pajiba.com
Jim Gaffigan Cracks 'Pedophile' Joke During Golden Globes
Jim Gaffigan sucks the air out of the room at the Golden Globes by seemingly making an Epstein joke.
tmz.com
@lakemonstercl1 - 🇺🇸Steve2A🇺🇸God🇺🇸Family🇺🇸Country🇺🇸
Jimmy Kimmel is a lying POS and most likely a perverted Pedophile. https://t.co/OOvuxyvDxB
Video Transcript AI Summary
My best friend was Jeffrey Epstein's personal chef and went on many trips to the island. If your best friend was named on the Epstein flight logs and was his personal chef, wouldn't you know? It's hard to believe they had no clue. You can tell when something is off just by looking at people's photos on Instagram. It's not difficult. They expect us to believe they had no idea, but that's a lie.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: His best friend. Mhmm. His best friend, was Jeffrey Epstein's personal chef and took many trips to the island. Okay. Here we go.
I have not met, flown with, visited, or had any contact whatsoever with Epstein. So let me ask you guys this. We all got best friends. If your best friend ended up being named on the Epstein flight logs and they were the Personal chef of Jeffrey Epstein. Are you not gonna know that?
Oh, I would know that. Yeah. I I really I really feel like that you may know that if your best friend was the head of a drug cartel, you mean You could tell me that you ain't never had any clin inclination. What's a what's Jimmy doing over there late at night? Why is he coming back with his knuckles bloodied up every single day?
What is going on? These people really want us to believe that they just they just don't don't know? I can look at people's photos on Instagram and go, oh, they must have divorced their husband because they're acting kinda crazy right now. Like, you know? Like, that's not what married people do.
Like, it's not hard. You wanna tell me that your best friend is the personal chef, the Jeffrey And you had no clue. That's a lie from the pits of hell.
@XRPBrainst0rm - UnBearableGuy
👀👀👀 You got competition @rickygervais 🤣 Well done @billmaher
@PapiTrumpo - il Donaldo Trumpo
DAVE CHAPPELLE KNOWS!!!😎🔥🔥🔥 https://t.co/eZJeS7yi7x
Video Transcript AI Summary
Many people wonder why Trump was popular, but I understand because I hear it daily. He's loved in Ohio for being different. In the first debate, he stood out by calling the system rigged, while Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama disagreed. When asked for evidence, Trump admitted to using the system himself. When Clinton criticized his taxes, he cleverly responded that it made him smart and pointed out flaws in the tax code. This moment marked the rise of a new political figure.
Translation: Trump's popularity in Ohio stems from his unique approach in debates, where he criticized the system and defended his tax practices against Clinton's attacks. This set him apart as a new political force.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: A lot of you don't understand why Trump was so popular, but I I get it because I hear it every day. He's very loved. And the reason he's loved is because people in Ohio have never seen somebody like him. That first debate, I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen a white male billionaire screaming at the top of his lungs.
This whole system is ripped, he said. And across the stage was white woman, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama sitting over there looking at him like, no. It's not. I said, now wait a minute, bro. It's what he said.
And the moderator said, well, mister Trump, if in fact the system is rigged as you suggest, what would be your evidence? Remember what he said, bro? He said, I know the system is rigged because I use it. I said, god damn. No one ever heard someone say something that true.
And then Hillary Clinton tried to punch him in the taxes. She said, this man doesn't pay his taxes. He shot right back. That makes me smart. And then he said, if you want me to pay my taxes, then change your tax code.
But I know you won't because your friends and your donors enjoy the same tax breaks that I do. And with that, my friends, the star was born.
@TheEXECUTlONER_ - 👉M-Û-R-Č-H👈
Ricky Gervais mocking all the celebrities! 🔥 I love it! Priceless! Who loves Ricky G? 🙋♂️ https://t.co/PP3zyn7Sj2
Video Transcript AI Summary
I'm Ricky G, a wellness and beauty influencer. Trust me, as a celebrity, I know about science and politics. It's important to vote the right way, or it's like a hate crime. If you don't, I'll be sad and angry and might leave the country, which you don't want.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: Ricky g here, wellness and beauty influencer. As a celebrity, I know all about stuff, like science and politics. So trust me when I tell you who you should vote for. If you don't vote the right way, that's like a hate crime, and It makes me sad and angry, and I'll leave the country, and you don't want that.
@TheLizVariant - TheLizVariant
Rob Schneider schooling a heckler on free speech. https://t.co/W5olrZUSCV
Video Transcript AI Summary
The speaker addresses someone who appears to be angry, stating that it's okay to be mad. The speaker then pivots to the topic of free speech in America. They claim that the essence of free speech is protecting the speech that people hate, not the speech they like. This protection is necessary to prevent the government or individuals from censoring what others can hear. The speaker concludes by saying that disagreement is welcome and encourages the other person to express their views, even through actions like writing an act or performing on stage.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: Everything okay? No. Are you mad? You okay? No.
No. He's not mad. He is. You're mad? Yeah.
Good. That's okay. There's you know what the cool thing about in America is? Free speech isn't the speech you like. Nice stuff is not what needs to be protected.
It's the stuff that you hate that needs protection so that somebody, like the government or you, doesn't get to decide what everybody else gets to here. And you're more than welcome to disagree and write an act and get on stage and sell out like I just did.
@BGatesIsaPyscho - Concerned Citizen
Name a Hollywood star you think didn’t get involved with Epstein, Diddy Parties or God knows what else? I’ll go first:- Keanu Reeves https://t.co/x5SV7CD8iP
@Health00810 - Eddie
@MattWallace888 Ricky Gervais still wins. In 2020,Ricky Gervais gave a speech at the 77th Golden Globes where he called out Jeffrey Epstein and Hollywood pedophiles. https://t.co/oVLBDn91st
Video Transcript AI Summary
In this room are influential TV and film executives, all seemingly intimidated by Ronan Farrow. It's been a significant year for controversial films, but honestly, no one cares about traditional cinema anymore; everyone is streaming on Netflix. This show could simply acknowledge Netflix's dominance and end there, but instead, we stretch it out unnecessarily. Even a dark comedy about grief is more enjoyable than this event. If you win an award tonight, please refrain from making political speeches. Most of you have less real-world experience than Greta Thunberg. Just come up, accept your award, thank your agent, and leave.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: In this room are some of the most important TV and film executives in the world, people from every background, but they all have one thing in common. They're all terrified of Ronan Farrow. He's coming for you. He's coming for you. Look.
Talking of all you perverts, it was a big year it was a big year for pedophile movies. Surviving R Kelly, Leaving Neverland, 2 popes. Shut up. Shut up. I don't care.
I don't care. No one cares about movies anymore. No one goes to cinema. No one really watches network TV. Everyone's watching Netflix.
This show should just be me coming out going, well done, Netflix. You win everything. Good night. But no. No.
We gotta drag it out for 3 hours. You could binge watch the entire first season of afterlife instead of watching the show. That that's a show about a man who wants to kill himself because his wife dies of cancer, and it's still more fun than this. Okay? Spoiler alert.
Season 2 is on the way. So in the end, he obviously didn't kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up. I know he's your friend, but I don't care.
You like to make your own way here in your own plane, didn't you? So if you do win an award tonight, don't use it as a a platform to make a political speech. Right? You're in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world.
Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg. So if you win, right, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent and your guard, and off. Okay?
@DefiantLs - Defiant L’s
Ricky Gervais: "Just cause you're offended, doesn't mean you're right." https://t.co/jCWcf9ju1d
Video Transcript AI Summary
Offense is subjective; just because someone is offended doesn't mean they're right. Feelings vary, and some may even be offended by equality. Trying to please everyone results in pleasing no one. In comedy, it's essential to tackle taboos and contentious issues, often using irony, even if some don't understand it. The focus should be on the broader audience rather than a select few. Freedom of speech is crucial, and it's important to joke about difficult topics. Laughing in the face of adversity makes one resilient.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: That's the thing about offense, isn't it? When people Yeah. Say they're offended. It's that just because you're offended, it doesn't mean you're right. You know?
It's offense is about feelings, and feelings are personal. Some people are offended by equality. So what? You know? So you can't second guess people.
If you try and please everyone, you'll please no one. Mhmm. With comedy as well, you've gotta I think you've gotta deal with taboos and contentious issues. And sometimes you deal in irony, and some people don't get that. But, you know, you can't legislate against stupidity, otherwise you'll be doing nothings, you know, because I'm I'm not doing it for the 200 egos in the room.
I'm doing it for the 200,000,000 people watching around, who who aren't winning awards, who aren't millionaires. And freedom of speech is so important these days. I I've reached the age now where I don't care anymore. It's a sin. It to not to joke about all the bad things, that's a waste because that's exactly what we should joke about.
It gets if you can laugh in the face of adversity, you're bulletproof.
@nbcsnl - Saturday Night Live - SNL
Chris Rock's monologue! https://t.co/MedUMLCBqz
Video Transcript AI Summary
Welcome to Saturday Night Live's 50th anniversary! Congratulations to Lorne Michaels on 25 years of SNL. The news is wild, and security was intense getting in tonight. There's a lot of focus on a recent tragedy involving a man with a family, but it’s been a tough year for many, including Kamala and Diddy. Jake Paul’s antics against older fighters are ridiculous. Trump had an eventful year, surviving an assassination attempt and winning the presidency again. People worry about his lack of dignity, but history shows we've had undignified presidents before. Meanwhile, Joe Biden pardoned his son Hunter, which is what any parent would do. We have a great show ahead with Gracie Abrams, so stick around!
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: Thank you. Thank you very much. Yes. Welcome to Saturday Night Live. This is all about the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live.
Been around for 50 years. Wanna congratulate Lorne Michaels on 25 great years of Saturday Night Live. A lot going on in the news. My god. It's so crazy out there.
It's so hard just getting in the building tonight. So much security. My god. My god. I had to walk by a bunch of baby oil snipping dogs.
It was insane. Everybody's worried. Everybody's worried. I mean, we we got Luigi. We got Luigi, you know, and that's good.
I I really feel sorry for the for the family. I mean, everybody's fixated on how good looking this guy looks. If he looked like Jonah Hill, no one would care. They'd already gave him the chair already. He'd be dead.
Okay? But he actually killed a man, a a man, a man with a family, a man with kids, man. I mean, I have condolences. I'm gonna I don't know. I have real condolences for, you know, for the health care CEO.
I mean, this is a real person, you know? But you also gotta, you know, sometimes drug dealers get shot. I mean, you you've seen The Wire. Right? It's been a bad year for my people, the blacks.
It's been it's not been a good year. Kamala and Diddy and Jake Paul beating Mike Tyson. What the hell? Who is this Jake Paul? This 27 year old punching a 60 year old man in the face.
Is this what the white man has reduced his son to? Stop it. Well, who's he gonna fight next? Morgan Freeman? I hate Jake Paul.
I got I got a landlord hate for. I hate him. I hate him like cocaine hates monogamy. The big thing big thing, Trump, man. Trump.
Trump, man. Trump had a good year, man. Trump's survived an assassination attempt. Survived assassination attempt. Won won the presidency again by winning the popular vote.
Was just named time man of the year. You know? It could happen to a nicer guy. You know? A lot of people are scared.
It's like, oh my god. He's he's gonna be so undignified. And when I say a lot of people, I'm talking about the 9 New Yorkers that didn't vote for him. Okay? No.
No. No. People are like, he's gonna be so undignified. It's it's the presidency of the United States. Dude, it's the United States presidency.
It's not, you know come on. We've had some presidents in the United States. Come on, man. This is not the most dignified job in the world. You know, we've had presidents show up to the inauguration with pregnant slaves.
Okay? And I'm just talking about Bill Clinton. I mean, you know what country we live in. You know the history of this country. You know how many rapists are in my wallet right now?
Sir, in a cup of coffee in America cost 7 rapists. And Trump's gonna get it down to 3. That's right, man. It's a crazy Menendez Brothers getting out of jail. Menendez brothers.
Yeah. Getting out of jail just in time to get deported. Trump is gonna deport that, you murdering Mexicans. Trump is not playing, man. It's right.
This time is totally different. He's working with the number one African American in the world, the richest African American in the world, Elon Musk. That's right. He is African American. Elon got more kids than the Cleveland Browns.
That's right. Nobody knows how to get rid of people like a South African. Oh, are you serious? Trump is not planned. They got Elon.
They gonna put him on a on a rocket ship. Call it Space Max. Oh, yeah. J. Lo's gonna marry Ben again just so she can stay in the country.
I know she's not Mexican, but Trump don't know that. It's just a big old Latin stew trying to keep immigrants out. My god. You know, a lot less immigrants would come into America if you stop paying them $700,000,000 to play baseball. It's like Steve Cohen bought 1 Dominican for $700,000,000.
Used to be able to get a whole bushel for that much. I said bushel. And the big story this week that's right, man. Joe Biden pardoned his son, Hunter Biden. I gotta hand it to Joe, man.
You know, he don't move as fast as he used to. He don't talk as fast as he used to, you know, but that middle finger still works, That's right, man. People have complained. Got the nerve to complain. Like, oh, what only an animal would not pardon their son.
My god. Imagine going home to your wife if you didn't pardon your son. Every parent in the world would pardon their son, except the parents of the Menendez brothers. And we got a great show for you today. Gracie Abrams is here.
So stick around, and we'll be right back.
@rickygervais - Ricky Gervais
This photo was taken backstage immediately after my monologue at the 2020 Golden Globes. Not sure I realised quite what I'd done 😂 https://t.co/hkre3GjJph
@elvisofdallas - Elvis Dallas
@rickygervais Fantastic work https://youtu.be/LCNdTLHZAeo?si=n8eg-_jwsExqU6h-
@nbcsnl - Saturday Night Live - SNL
Dave Chappelle's monologue! https://t.co/qSkjGsfnv1
Video Transcript AI Summary
Thank you, everyone. I was hesitant to join Saturday Night Live after the election but eventually agreed. Shortly after, devastating fires hit LA, affecting many friends and communities. While some speculate about the causes, it’s clear that multiple factors contributed to the disaster.
I reflected on the challenges of fame and the misconceptions surrounding immigrant communities in Ohio, where I supported local Haitian restaurants.
As I navigate the complexities of celebrity life, I can't help but notice the absurdities around me, including the troubles of friends like Puffy.
With Donald Trump returning as president, I urge him to remember the weight of his responsibilities. Regardless of opinions, empathy for all, especially for those displaced, is crucial. Thank you, and good night.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: Thank you. Thank you very much. Turn this up. I can't hear. Thank you, guys.
Boy, I gotta tell you guys something. I'm I'm being very honest. I am in quite, the pickle tonight, and it started it started in October. Lorne Michaels called me, and he asked me to do a Saturday Night Live, the first episode after the election. And I was like, nah, man.
I'm cool. And he's like, why not? And I was like, man, things are going good. I finished my nephew's deal. I got all this money and stuff.
And he's like, oh, man. Oh, Come on, please. And I said, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you. Just to get off the phone, I go, you know what I'll do?
I said, just save the date closest to January 6th. And then the date started rolling around, and in December, he started calling me again and again. I was like, ah, man. Let's do it. And this goes on for, like, weeks weeks.
And then finally, you know, and I I go, you know what? I could just get rid of all these old Trump jokes. And start fresh. I say, you know what? I'll do it.
The oh, thank you. Here we are. The moment I said yes, LA burst into flames. And it's a tough one. You know what I mean?
Because I'm tired of being controversial. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, and it is way too soon to do jokes about a catastrophe like that. It is. You know what's crazy about it is this one is close to home. Now I don't live in LA.
I've never been like a big fan of LA, but I've built many, many memories there. And I have great friends there, and and a lot of them lost their homes. But carry always, so I started in Robin Hood Minute Tights with this house burned to the ground. Madlib, who was on Saturday Night Live with me last time I was here. His house burned to the ground.
So many people, I could go on and on. My first move I did with Dennis Quaid, I saw him evacuate in his house on the news with tears in his eyes, and it and it broke my heart. And then I go on the Internet, and I watch these fire videos, and I read the comment sections, and everyone's like, yeah. It serves these celebrities right. I hope the house burned down.
Oh. And you see that? That right there, that's why I hate poor people. Because they can't see past their own pain. The other day on the news the other day on the news, they said that these fires were the most expensive tragedy that ever happened.
Natural disasters is the most expensive natural disaster that's ever happened in the United States history. And you wanna know why I think that is? Because people in LA have nice stuff. I could burn 40,000 acres in Mississippi for, like, 6 or $700. And now and now we watch news or talk to my friends.
They all have these conspiracy theories what started these fires. Now they say it's arsonist. I've heard this theory, and I'm sure there were some arsonists, but there were a lot of elements that came together to make this fire the catastrophe that it was. The the winds were a 100 miles an hour. LA was was dry as a bone in the levees, and it was just too many factors.
If you were a rational thinking person, you have to at least consider the possibility that God hates these people. Sodomites. And that's not true because because West Hollywood was unscathed. Because how can you burn what is already flaming? You gotta get there.
A lot of poor people were affected too. A lot of just regular working class families were affected too. So a lot of those families found out the the week of the fires that they lost their health not their health, their fire insurance. But either way, Luigi is like, you're welcome. You know, Luigi killed it.
And that kid did almost plan, like, the perfect crime. He did everything right. He planned everything perfectly. All they forgot was to shave his eyebrows. Soon as I saw him on the news, I was like, yeah.
That's him. Finally, they're getting in front of it. This week, thank god these fires subsided. And not without help. A lot of countries pitched in.
Canada sent planes that helped us out, and Mexico sent firefighters. And Trump was like, make sure they leave when they finish. Trump's a wild guy. He's a wild guy. I'm a tell you something he did that made me crazy when he was running for president.
When he's running for president, he said to set a debate. He said the Haitians in Springfield, Ohio were eating people's dogs and cats. That really upset me because I live in Ohio. In fact, I live oh, what's up, Ohio? I live one town over from Springfield.
Now those of you who are from Ohio, I hope you know that's not what's happening in Springfield at all. What happened in Springfield is a lot of jobs went away. 20,000 Haitian immigrants were moved there by our government legally, and they pay market value for their rents, and they saved a lot of companies because they did jobs that the whites weren't doing. It's not that the whites couldn't do these jobs, but they were busy, you know, doing other things. Powering, sleeping on the streets.
You know what it is. And those communities are immigrant communities who tend to be very successful. They don't they don't come to America to not be rich. And when he said that, that that community caught hell. There was like a jealousy that ran to the community.
There There was nothing I could do about it. But because I was famous, I said, well, let me just be supportive. So every day, for, like, 10 days, I would drive a few miles over to Springfield and eat lunch at the Haitian restaurant. And let them know if I'm safe here, you guys are definitely safe here. And to be honest with you, I don't know what that he was.
But whatever it was, fell right off the bone. I'll tell you that. Now I'm even getting nervous at Ohio. Like, I might leave with Asians. I'm serious, man.
It's you know what it is, man? It's just no fun being famous anymore. It's like y'all y'all made it scary. You know what it feels like being famous? And scary is the right word.
It feels like and I'm not being dramatic. It feels like I'm storming the beach of Normandy, World War 2. But I gotta keep a happy expression on my face all the time. So imagine all the dangerous storm is the beach, but I still look at it. The bullets are whizzing by and stuff is exploding.
I'm just like and then every once in a while, something terrible happened. And I'm like, oh, no. Puffy got hit. And Puffy be like, keep going, playboy. I kicked the dish in the face and forgot about it.
I've been in trouble in my day. Well, I've been in a lot of trouble in my day, but but man, let me tell you something. This guy Puffy, buddy. This guy is in an enormous amount of trouble. I've never I don't think I've ever seen anything like this.
They've got this guy in a Rico case by himself. A lot of my friends ask me They say, Dave, did you know anything about those free golf parties? I'd be like, nah, man. I know anything about free golf, and they all look at me like and they'd be like, well, how are these people you know was at free golf? But she's the only one that wasn't at free golf.
And I thought about it for a minute. I said, oh my gosh. I'm ugly. That's a tough way to find that out. Can you imagine you and me reading a newspaper and found out everyone in Hollywood had an orgy behind your back?
Why none of y'all called me? Well, it really hurts. I'm glad they didn't call me though because the stories that come out about it are crazy. I saw one thing on the Internet, it, so so I'm I'm I'm not sure this is true. Probably that is true, but I saw it.
Some guy who said he do Puff is like, yeah, man. He's like, I was at the freak off one time and I went in the back room. And Puff was in there with Carl Winslow with dad from Family Matters. He was smashing, and I was like, Puff, what are you doing? And he was like, yeah.
Feels good to make another man do your bidding. And I was like, oh my god. Carl Winslow from Family Madison there, and I wasn't invited? It's worse than I thought. Or or maybe I'm not ugly.
I mean, look. Look at my face. This is not necessarily a handsome face, but but it's not an ugly face. But but if you really study my face clearly, clearly, I have snitch energy. Oh, I look like I tell.
The last thing you wanna see the orgy is me across the room looking at you like. Leave Carl Winslow alone. Amen. Amen. You watching at home, you might not be famous, but I bet you ain't perfect.
Nobody is perfect. The idea is as you live your life, you're supposed to evolve and grow past your mistakes. But if you get to be 55, then Puffy is 55. You don't look old, but this nigga's paying half price at the movies. You wanna see your playboy.
Ain't nothing wrong getting older, but if you if you 55 and you got a 1000 bottles of baby oil in the house, clearly, can't stop, won't stop. You're committed to the lifestyle. Because I'm 51 and I'm telling you this is true. I can't remember a single time I ever threw an empty bottle of baby oil in the trash. I don't think I've ever finished a bottle of baby oil in my life.
If we went to my mother's house tonight, she probably got the same baby oil we had when I was a little boy with a pink top. And somehow, probably, it was all the way down to the last. And having baby oil is not illegal. They they don't remind you about that part. That's the least harmful thing I've written that doc.
He just used the wrong hoop, I think. If he used Frisco, he would've got away with it. But he's just like, oh, he likes to cook. Thanks. Thank god they caught it before those fires because they've been goddamn mushroom cloud over his house.
A 1,000 bottles of baby oil in there. Here's the thing. On Monday, Donald Trump's coming back. He'll be the 47th president. He's done it again.
And all the flags will be at half staff for many of them because Jimmy Carter died. Now I gotta tell you, Jimmy Carter, people go back and forth and say he was a bad president or a good president. I I'm not qualified to even speak on that, but I'll tell you this. I was in the Middle East years ago after I quit my show. I was trying to find out what I wanted to do with my life.
And while I was there, Jimmy Carter flew to Israel. So everybody in the region was talking about a former American president being in the Middle East. And while he was in Israel, a book of his was released, and its title was very controversial in Israel. And the title of the book was Palestine Peace, Not Apartheid. And people were very mad in Israel.
There was a lot of mean stories that came out in the paper, but some people were supportive. And while he was there, Jimmy Carter said, I wanna go to the Palestinian territory, and the Israeli government said it's too dangerous. And if you go, we cannot protect you. And, man, Jimmy Carter went anyway. I will never forget the images of a former American president walking with little to no security while 1,000 of Palestinians were cheering them on.
And when I saw that picture, it brought tears to my eyes. I said, I don't know if there's a good president, but that right there, I am sure is a great man. It made me feel very proud. The presidency is no place for petty people. So Donald Trump, I know he watched the show.
Man, remember, whether people voted for you or not, they're all counting on you. That's right. Whether they like you or not, they're all counting on you. The whole world is counting on you. And I mean this when I say this.
Good luck. Please do better next time. Please, all of us, do better next time. Do not forget your humanity, and please have empathy for displaced people whether they're in the Palisades or Palestine. Thank you very much, and good night.
@Chicago1Ray - @Chicago1Ray 🇺🇸
Remember the look on Tom Hanks face when Ricky Gervais said Jeffrey Epstein was their friend Tom Hanks is a washed up loser who won't be available for SNL if it's learned he visited Epstein Island Arrest everyone on the Epstein client list @AGPamBondi https://t.co/8S6UbiCoDq
Video Transcript AI Summary
Here we are with the most important TV and film execs in the world, and you're all terrified of Ronan Farrow.
It was a big year for pedophile movies like Surviving R Kelly, Leaving Neverland, Two Popes. But nobody cares about movies anymore. Everyone's watching Netflix. I could just say, "Well done, Netflix. You win. Good night."
This show is so long, you could binge watch the entire first season of afterlife instead. That's a show about a man who wants to kill himself because his wife dies and it's still more fun than this. He didn't kill himself, just like Jeffrey Epstein.
If you win an award tonight, don't make a political speech. You're in no position to lecture the public. You know nothing about the real world. Accept your award, thank your agent and your god, and get off the stage.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: In this room are some of the most important TV and film executives in the world. People from every background, but they all have one thing in common. They're all terrified of Ronan Farrow. He's coming for you. He's coming for you.
Look, talking of all you perverts, it was a big year it was a big year for pedophile movies. Surviving R Kelly, Leaving Neverland, Two Popes. Shut up. Shut up. I don't care.
I don't care. No one cares about movies anymore. No one goes to the cinema. No one really watches network TV. Everyone's watching Netflix.
This show should just be me coming out going, well done Netflix. You win everything. Good night. But no. No.
We gotta drag it out for three hours. You could binge watch the entire first season of afterlife instead of watching the show. That that's a show about a man who wants to kill himself because his wife dies of cancer and it's still more fun than this. Okay? Spoiler alert, season two is on the way.
So in the end, he obviously didn't kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up. I know he's your friend, but I don't care. You like to make your own way here in your own plane, didn't you?
So if you do win an award tonight, don't use it as a a platform to make a political speech. Right? You're in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.
So if you win, right, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent and your god, and off. Okay?
@iluminatibot - illuminatibot
Mel Gibson was exposing Hollywood way back in 1998 but nobody listened... https://t.co/JEEFzrYk09
@EnriqueLichten4 - Enrique Lichtenstein
@CollinRugg they should've listened to Chris Rock https://t.co/1lmx4rC840
Video Transcript AI Summary
If you're listening to loud rap music, turn that shit off.
When you see flashing police lights in your mirror, stop immediately. Everybody knows if the police have to come and get you, they're bringing an ass kicking with you.
When an officer approaches your car, be polite.
And stay in your car with your hands on the wheel.
Do you have a gun? Do you have drugs? Do you have any warrants?
License and registration, please.
Remind your friend to do this one thing.
Shut the fuck up.
If you have to give a friend a ride, get a white friend.
If your woman is mad at you, don't ride with a mad woman.
If you follow these simple pointers, you probably won't get your ass kicked by the police.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: People in the black community, myself, often worry that we might be a victim of police brutality. So as a public service, the Chris Rock show proudly presents this educational video. Have you ever been face to face with a police officer and wondered, is he about to kick my ass? Well, wonder no more. If you follow these easy tips, you'll be fine.
First, obey the law. Laws were made for a reason. Think of them as hints. You heard people say, man, I wouldn't do that shit if I was you. Well, here's some of that shit.
Carjacking, armed robbery, arson, selling drugs, buying drugs, stabbing, shooting. You know, you probably won't get your ass kicked if you just use common sense. If you jump a subway turnstile, you might just get off with a warning from the police. But if you jump a turnstile carrying a loaded gun and smoking a joint, then maybe you leave your ass kicked.
Speaker 1: We all know what happened to Rodney King, but Rodney wouldn't have gotten his ass kicked if he had just followed this simple tip.
Speaker 0: When you see flashing police lights in your mirror, stop immediately. Everybody knows if the police have to come and get you, they're bringing an ass kicking with you.
Speaker 1: Here's a
Speaker 0: no brainer. If you're listening to loud rap music, turn that shit off. Blast and fuck the police while you're getting pulled over by the police is just ignorant. When an officer approaches your car, be polite.
Speaker 2: Is there a problem, officer?
Speaker 0: And stay in your car with your hands on the wheel.
Speaker 3: What the fuck, dude? Woah, motherfucker.
Speaker 0: You want your ass kicked. Wanna give a friend a ride? Not so fast. Your friend might be crazy. Now before you let your friend in your car, ask them these questions.
Do you have a gun? Do you have drugs? Do you have any warrants? And in case you do get pulled over by the cops
Speaker 2: License and registration, please.
Speaker 0: Remind your friend to do this one thing. Shut the fuck up. Hey.
Speaker 2: Don't give him shit. What the fuck do you want?
Speaker 1: That's mine. Come on. Come on.
Speaker 0: If you have to give a friend a ride, get a white friend. A white friend could be the difference between a ticket and a bullet in the ass. Here's a tip you should never forget. If your woman is mad at you, leave her at home because a mad woman will say anything.
Speaker 1: He got weed. He got weed.
Speaker 0: If your woman is mad at you, there's nothing she'd like to see more than you getting your ass That's my
Speaker 1: kick is fucking ass. When the company's selling the water, check it, please. Do it, please. Stop it.
Speaker 0: Now let's review. Obey the law. Use common sense. Stop immediately. Turn that shit off.
Be polite. Shut the fuck up. Get a white friend. And last but not least, don't ride with a mad woman. If you follow these simple pointers, you probably won't get your ass kicked by the police.
@Uncommonsince76 - Uncommon Sense
“Earlier this week Marlon Brando apologized to Jewish leaders for claiming “Hollywood is run by jews.” The jews accepted his apology, and said he is free to work again.” - Norm Macdonald https://t.co/aXIcPGACkc
Video Transcript AI Summary
Earlier this week, actor Marlon Brando met with Jewish leaders to apologize for comments he made on Larry King Live, including the remark 'Hollywood is run by Jews.' The meeting focused on Brando's apology and the context of those statements, with Brando expressing remorse for the remarks he made. The Jewish leaders accepted the apology and announced that Brando is now free to work again, effectively clearing him to resume professional activities in the entertainment industry. This development followed Brando's outreach regarding controversial remarks from the Larry King Live appearance, and the leaders' decision to move forward by granting permission for Brando to return to work in the profession.
Full Transcript
Speaker 0: Earlier this week, actor Marlon Brando met with Jewish leaders to apologize for comments he made on Larry King Live, among them that, quote, Hollywood is run by Jews. The Jewish leaders accepted the actor's apology and announced that Brando is now free to work again.
